


bacongang named the group: idk what this is yet

by ggukdae



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Baekchen are best friends, Chaos, M/M, Memes, Sarcasm, Texting, chatfic, cursing, dreamies are here as well, exo are basically a bunch of crackheads, idols from other groups will make appearances, keyboard smashing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-08
Updated: 2019-09-21
Packaged: 2020-02-28 13:18:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 29,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18757216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ggukdae/pseuds/ggukdae
Summary: baekhyun just wanted to give his son (not really) jaemin a birthday party.





	1. the new era

**Author's Note:**

> tbh idk what this is yet LMAO emphasis on the title. but uh ill update whenever i can inspo strikes ig.
> 
> screen names:
> 
> junmyeon: bunmyeon
> 
> baekhyun: bacongang
> 
> chanyeol: prod.loey
> 
> kyungsoo: donotdisturb
> 
> jongin: yokaiwatch
> 
> sehun: hunhoe
> 
> kris/yifan: kvngkris
> 
> minseok: pokemin
> 
> luhan: luhung
> 
> yixing: maryxing
> 
> jongdae: digidae
> 
> tao: taozi

**bacongang** created a group

 

 **bacongang** named the group _idk what this is yet_

 

 **bacongang** added **digidae** ,  **pokemin, prod.loey, maryxing, donotdisturb, bunmyeon, hunhoe, yokaiwatch** ,  **taozi, kvngkris, luhung** to _idk what this is yet_

 

 **bacongang** : SO

 

 **donotdisturb** :seen at 12:14 A.M.

 

 **bacongang** : BITCH YOU DID NOT JUST LEAVE ME ON READ

 

 **donotdisturb** : yes i fucking did, go to sleep SO I CAN GO TO SLEEP

 

 **bacongang** : anygays. tomorrow is my son jaemins birthday

 

 **digidae** : jaemin is not your son baek, he's SIWONS kid -.-

 

 **pokemin** : are you gonna start denying that mark is my son too, cuz you're about to catch these hands dae.

 

 **bacongang** : SEE MINSEOKIE HYUNG GETS IT. some bestfriend you are, digital monster-

 

 **prod.loey** : ANYWAY, YOU WERE SAYING BAEK?

 

 **bacongang** : right. so. i wanna throw my son a birthday party before he graduates :(((

 

 **kvngkris** : your point…?

 

 **bacongang** : i need your help. all of you :/

 

 **taozi** : i love jaemin so im down but idk about everyone else

 

 **kvngkris** : more like down on this DICK LMAOOO

 

 **taozi** : EYE-

 

 **maryxing** : um...why did my baked ass just hear minseok slam his head on the fridge

 

 **bunmyeon** : bc he was FRIDGE-PALMING, get it ?

 

 **luhung** : jun-

 

 **digidae** : that wasn't it chief.

 

 **bacongang** : back to my sons birthday party, tao said he was in, anyone else?

 

 **yokaiwatch** : MY DANCING PRODIGY YES LETS THROW HIM A PARTY, IM IN !

 

 **hunhoe** : i thought donghyuck was your dancing prodigy

 

 **yokaiwatch** : details sehun, details. they're all my dancing prodigies PERIOD.

 

 **hunhoe** : i-

 

 **hunhoe** : ffs. well im in.

 

 **kvngkris** : me too

 

 **prod.loey** : me three

 

 **digidae** : me four

 

 **pokemin** : me five

 

 **luhung** : me six

 

 **maryxing** : me twenty seven

 

 **prod.loey** : wait what

 

 **maryxing** : i thought we were all just saying me and a fucking number ??? korea, i am confusion.

 

 **luhung** : everyday we stray further from god

 

 **bunmyeon** : well me and soo are in.

 

 **bacongang** : HE IS???

 

 **bunmyeon** : he said, and i quote "if it gets him to SHUT UP and let me sleep, then tell him im in."

 

 **taozi** : im not even surprised at this point.

 

 **pokemin** : it really be like that sometimes omfhdhd

 

 **bacongang** :

 

 **donotdisturb** : muted _idk what this is yet_

 

 **bacongang** : I BREATHED ?!?!?!


	2. bet bet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jaemin is suspicious of baekhyun amongst other things.

private chat with **bacongang**

 

 **prod.loey** : baekhyun

 

 **prod.loey** : baekhyunnieee

 

 **prod.loey** : baek

 

 **prod.loey** : baekkieeeee

 

 **prod.loey** : …

 

 **prod.loey** : emperor lord byun

 

 **bacongang** : i was SUMMONED?

 

 **prod.loey** : you are /so/ lucky i indulge you in your bullshit

 

 **bacongang** : cuz you love me :P

 

 **prod.loey** : i-

 

 **prod.loey** : yeah i do :)

 

 **prod.loey** : are yOU GIGGLING ?

 

 **prod.loey** :mr. lee FUCKIGNGFB HEARD YOU OMF

 

 **bacongang** : DON'T ROAST ME OKAY you make me feel all soft n squishy inside and im still not used to it :(((

 

 **prod.loey** : aw baby i wasn't roasting you. you're so fucking cute hdjsjsnd

 

 **bacongang** : YEOLLIE stop it omg

 

 **prod.loey** : never :)))

 

 **prod.loey** : oof okay wait before i forget

 

 **bacongang** : ...yes?

 

 **prod.loey** : i think jaemin is onto you

 

 **bacongang** : WHAT ?!?!

 

-

 

_idk what this is yet_

 

 **bacongang** : MINSEOK go get your SON right NOW

 

 **pokemin** : thats HYUNG to you

 

 **bacongang** : okay minseok HYUNG, go get your son right now

 

 **digidae** : the stan twitter energy continues to jump out

 

 **pokemin** : why do you need ME to get MARK

 

 **bacongang** : it seems that jaemin MAY be onto us and our plan, i need you to get info out of your son and see how much he knows.

 

 **pokemin** : fine

 

 **kvngkris** : dont spend three hundred dollars again

 

 **pokemin** : THAT WAS ONE TIME

 

 **prod.loey** : you bought him a brand new switch on the spot bitch please

 

 **digidae** : you spoil the SHIT outta him seokkie not gonna lie

 

 **pokemin** : no i do NOT.

 

 **pokemin** : now, i will go investigate and NOT spoil my son

 

 **taozi** : ten bucks says he buys him ice cream afterwards

 

 **luhung** : twenty says he'll buy him a new mario kart 8

 

 **donotdisturb** : ill take that action

 

 **yokaiwatch** : as the maknaes in this group we demand to be spoiled

 

 **hunhoe** : i second that

 

 **bunmyeon** : both of you shut up, yixing gave you two free weed last week, y'all are SPOILED spoiled

 

 **maryxing** : ^ what he said

 

-

 

private chat with **canadaboi**

 

 **pokemin** : my son

 

 **canadaboi** : yes father

 

 **pokemin** : how are you and your friends doing lately ?

 

 **canadaboi** : splendid

 

 **canadaboi** : now lets be fr fr hyung, what's up ?

 

 **pokemin** : ...does jaemin know ANYTHING about /the party/

 

 **canadaboi** : nah he juss thinks that baek hyung is acting mad sus yk

 

 **pokemin** : "mad sus" the hell does that mean ?

 

 **canadaboi** : you need to get hip to the LINGO dad

 

 **pokemin** : -.-

 

 **canadaboi** : i said that he doesn't know anything, that he just thinks that baek hyung was acting really suspicious.

 

 **pokemin** : thank you google translate

 

 **canadaboi** : you're welcome hyungie

 

 **canadaboi** : also can we go get ice cream today i have so much to tell you :(((

 

 **pokemin** : of course we can. i'll come and pick you up in ten, okay?

 

 **canadaboi** : okay, just let me know when you're here hyung :)

 

-

 

 **maryxing** : somebody is about to win this bet

 

 **taozi** : what why ?

 

 **maryxing** : i just saw minseok bolt out of the apartment

 

 **digidae** : did he take the mustang

 

 **maryxing** : what

 

 **digidae** : did he take the /black mustang/ that he NEVER uses

 

 **maryxing** : yes he did

 

 **digidae** : ...he's going to spoil mark. again.

 

 **taozi** : im making ten fucking dollars tonight CHICK FIL A HERE I COME

 

 **luhung** : in your dreams loser those twenty are as good as MINE

 

 **donotdisturb** left the conversation

 

 **yokaiwatch** : HE-

 

 **kvngkris** : LMAOOOOO

 

 **luhung** added **donotdisturb** to the conversation

 

 **luhung** : YOU AIN'T GOIN' ANYWHERE BITCH YOU GONNA PAY UP FAIR AND SQUARE

 

 **donotdisturb** blocked **luhung**

 

 **luhung** : BITCH !

 

 **digidae** : bro soo ain't even saying a word and im CACKLING

 

 **luhung** : he wanna play games huh. it's fucking on kyungsoo.

 

 **donotdisturb** : y'all hear sumn?

 

 **hunhoe** : fuck maury and dr. phil, this shit is god tier

 

 **bunmyeon** : and we continue to stray further from god

.

.

.

.

.

 **bacongang** : he left without telling me if jaemin knows anything KDJDJDKS FUCK-


	3. young (wild) n' free

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> baekchen are a whole hot mess

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my class got mad boring so i wrote this during class on my phone. ill fix the lil mistakes later.

private chat with **digidae**

 

**pokemin** : dae

 

**digidae** : yes

 

**pokemin** : i wanna take this moment to apologize for being such an idiot

 

**pokemin** : ...we both were fucking SO stupid in high school.

 

**digidae** : yes. yes we were.

 

**digidae** : okay hold up. why are you even thinking about our headassery from high school ?

 

**pokemin** : mark is in love with donghyuck

 

**digidae** : OH THAT KIND OF STUPID

 

**digidae** : yeah yeah we were a big awkward MESS.

 

**pokemin** : so i bought him ice cream and took him to a lil dog park and we sat down on a bench

 

**pokemin** : out of nowhere he just started CRYING and i

 

**digidae** : you don't do crying in general lol

 

**pokemin** : RIGHT SO i didn't know how to really uh handle it so i kinda just sat there and held him until he stopped crying. and then he sorta just sat there while he twiddled his fingers and said "im in love with hyuck…" in this TINY voice

 

**digidae** : hyuck is his best friend right

 

**pokemin** : yeah…

 

**digidae** : ouch :/

 

**pokemin** : then he went on this tangent of how he thinks hyuck likes him back but he feels like he might be reading everything WRONG honestly the poor boy is just stressed out

 

**digidae** : is this how baek and han felt everytime they dealt with our dumbasses…

 

**digidae** : anyway what did you tell him

 

**pokemin** : i told him a "story" about two best friends who had massive crushes on each other but they kept pussy footing around and eventually confessed their feelings for each other three years later

 

**digidae** : mINSEOK FDJDJHD YOU DID NOT-

 

**pokemin** : and he proceeded to say "keyword: STORY, meaning it won't happen because that's just a fantasy with a happy ever after."

 

**digidae** : he really went all analytical and realist on your ass huh.

 

**pokemin** : yeah he did. i straight up told him "no, it did, can and probably will happen because that story was about me and jongdae hyung". then he fucking choked on his ice cream and gave himself a brain freeze

 

**digidae** : LMAOOOO YOU DONE AND BROKE HIS BRAIN SEOKKIE

 

**pokemin** : hey! don't bully my son >:(

 

**digidae** : i wasn't bullying him! i was merely laughing at the situation :D

 

**pokemin** : …anygays. after some more talking i cheered him up and then we played with a bunch of puppies. i took him home after that.

 

**digidae** : awkward disastrous love affairs aside, minnie you're so adorable with mark

 

**digidae** : despite all the clowning i do @ you for spoiling him, it's really cute.

 

**pokemin** : s-shut up dae i dONT DO FEELINGS EITHER

 

**digidae** : YOU'RE LITERALLY LIKE THE SOFTEST BUB ON THE BLOCK STFU

 

**pokemin** : okay but that ain't the point

 

**digidae** : you right, the actual point is that i love you so so so much :((( to the moon and back

 

**pokemin** : ...i love you too :)

 

**digidae** : you're so freaking cute oh my gODJCJFJ

 

-

 

_idk what this is yet_

 

**digidae** : guys i have something to tell you

 

**prod.loey** : you're gay

 

**luhung** : you watch digimon

 

**bunmyeon** : you're a crackhead

 

**digidae** : NO.

 

**digidae** : what i wanted to say was…

 

**digidae** : i love minseok so much he's my fuckin baby-

 

**hunhoe** : thats it?

 

**yokaiwatch** : wbk sis

 

**pokemin** : i love you too jongdae uwu

 

**taozi** : gross, get a room

 

**prod.loey** : tao and kris you deadass have no rights. at this point y'all need to get some soundproof walls

 

**kvngkris** : you just hatin my bomb ass game bitch

 

**prod.loey** : what game bitch, all i hear is bloody murder

 

**yokaiwatch** : SHOTS FIRED OMFJFSLK

 

**bacongang** : CAN THE TWO OF YOU PUT YOUR FUCKING EGOS AWAY FOR A FUCKING SECOND, MINSEOK HYUNG WHAT DID MARK SAY

 

**donotdisturb** : stfu baekhyun, we have a BET TO SETTLE. minseok hyung, how was your day today with mark ?

 

**pokemin** : it was great! i took him out for ice cream and took him to a park where we played with a bunch of puppies. my son is so adorable guys please-

 

**taozi** : LMFAOOOO SOO AND LUHAN HYUNG PAY THE FUCK UP

 

**luhung** : fucking FINE ill drop by tomorrow with the ten

 

**donotdisturb** blocked **taozi**

 

**taozi** : I WILL BE GETTING MY MONEY KYUNGSOO. I HAVE TWELVE CHICKEN NUGGETS AND AN OREO MILKSHAKE WAITING FOR ME. GIVE ME MY TEN BUCKS NOW

 

**donotdisturb:** do y'all hear sumn? it sounds like the wind or sumn…

 

**luhung** : not again SOO ACCEPT THAT YOU LOST AND PAY HIM

 

**donotdisturb** blocked **luhung**

 

**luhung** : AGAIN ??? UNBLOCK ME HOE !

 

**digidae** : y'all are a mess lol

 

**donotdisturb** : jongdae, you and baek are the definition of "chaotic messes" stfu

 

**yokaiwatch** : go off kyunggie !

 

**donotdisturb** : <3 thanks nini

 

**digidae** : gross

 

**donotdisturb** : shut up jongdae

 

**bacongang** : MY QUESTION STILL ISN'T ANSWERED, MINSEOK HYUNG WHAT DID HE SAY

 

**bunmyeon** : speaking of chaotic messes…

 

**pokemin** : baek BREATHE

 

**pokemin** : he said that jaemin doesn't know anything, he's just suspicious of you. i can ASSUME it's because you're acting weird around him

 

**bacongang** : how was i "acting weird" the fuck ?

 

**prod.loey** : baby i hate to break it to you but you were acting weird around jaemin the past couple of days…

 

**digidae** : baek yesterday he asked you what you were doing this weekend and you said "THANK YOU SKINNY QUEEN." and you fucking RAN away from him.

 

**bacongang** : i've been BETRAYED by my own boyfriend and bestfriend #fake

 

**bacongang** : @ **digidae** YOU RAN AWAY WITH ME WHY ARE YOU TRYNA @ ME LIKE THAT

 

**taozi** : out of all the things you could've said-

 

**donotdisturb** : see what i mean, chaotic.

 

**bunmyeon** : wbk they're chaotic soo

 

**donotdisturb** : clearly they don't know

 

**bacongang** : I PANICKED OKAY STOP ATTACKING ME

 

**maryxing** : whoa i said the exact same thing yesterday when minseok walked in on me hitting my blunt in the apartment

 

**kvngkris** : you did not smoke in y'alls apartment-

 

**pokemin** : the AUDACITY he had, smoking weed in MY CLEAN HOME.

 

**maryxing** : i most certainly did and well… you know he started SCREAMING. i freaked out and threw my blunt across the room and it landed on the couch…and now the couch has a burnt black spot.

 

**yokaiwatch** : you BURNT THE COUCH ?!?!?

 

**kvngkris** : BETTER QUESTION, WHY DID YOU FUCKING THROW IT IN THE FIRST PLACE?

 

**maryxing** : minseok screamed at me "WHY THE FUCK DID YOU THROW IT?!" i said and i QUOTE "I PANICKED STOP ATTACKING ME."

 

**prod.loey** : are baek and xing telepathically connected-

 

**maryxing** : i'm pretty sure we're not it's just a crazy coincidence

 

**digidae** : chanyeol are you baked or something?

 

**bacongang** : my baby would NEVER smoke the mary jane >:(

 

**bunmyeon** : sounds fake but go off i guess

 

**hunhoe** : i hate to break it to you hyung but… your flat ass baby has most certainly smoked weed

 

**luhung** : as a witness of the above statement, i can back up sehun on this one

 

**prod.loey** : Y'ALL STOP DRAGGING ME LIKE THIS it was ONCE in high school i would never smoke that shit again please

 

**digidae** : sure jan

 

**pokemin** : whatever helps you sleep at night yeol


	4. off the wall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> exo continues planning jaemins birthday party

private chat with **donotdisturb**

 

 **yokaiwatch** : babe

 

 **donotdisturb** : what's up nini

 

 **yokaiwatch** : can you tell kris and tao to be quiet

 

 **yokaiwatch** : baekhyun hyung is trying to talk about jaemins party and none of us can hear shit and… well baek looks like he's about to have a stroke bc of it

 

 **donotdisturb** : alright i'll go, keep an eye on the noodles for me okay?

 

 **yokaiwatch** : kay hyung :) thank you

 

-

 

_idk what this yet_

 

 **kvngkris** : WHY THE FUCK DID KYUNGSOO JUST WALK IN ON ME AND TAO.

 

 **yokaiwatch** : hehe :)

 

 **digidae** : LMFAOOO

 

 **donotdisturb** : bc we were planning jaemins party and y'all didn't hear me knock the first five fucking times.

 

 **donotdisturb** : and let me say this again. YOU HAVE A FUCKING BED FOR A REASON STOP USING THE WALL FOR YOUR ACTIVITIES.

 

 **kvngkris** : the wall was closer than the bed okay leave us alone rat

 

 **yokaiwatch** : WHO ARE YOU CALLING A RAT, YOU ROACH ?

 

 **donotdisturb** : kris just hurry the fuck up and come out of the room so we can finish planning this party

 

 **kvngkris** : first tell your twinkass boyfriend to leave me alone @ **donotdisturb**

 

 **digidae** : i feel like i'm watching jerry springer omfg

 

 **donotdisturb** : the only twink in this groupchat is tao. PERIOD.

 

 **taozi** : who the fuck you calling a TWINK, egghead?!

 

 **luhung** : well this tea is SCORCHING !

 

 **hunhoe** : the weave is BOILING sweaty

 

 **luhung** : sehun sweetie.

 

 **luhung** : clown me again and you ain't getting SHIT tonight

 

 **hunhoe** : im sorry pls forgive me han :(((

 

 **pokemin** : WHIPPED

 

 **maryxing** : WHIPPED

 

 **prod.loey** : WHIPPED

 

 **digidae** : WHIPPED

 

 **hunhoe** : SHUT UP DJFAHSDKDK

 

 **bacongang** : CAN Y'ALL FOCUS PLEASE

 

 **bunmyeon** : okay wait can someone give me the rundown for the party since i'm not there

 

 **prod.loey** : wait why aren't you here…

 

 **bunmyeon** : my son and his friends went to a party and well…

 

 **bunmyeon** : they required some "rescuing"

 

 **maryxing** : KUN WENT TO A PARTY EXCUSE ME

 

 **bunmyeon** : xING RELAX he didn't even last a damn hour in there. i don't understand why they went if none of them are party people lol

 

 **maryxing** : ...my son could've been exposed to DRUGS, MYEON i am merely concerned :(

 

 **bunmyeon** : i love you yixing but let's be real you probably ate a pot a brownie today, you can't really talk.

 

 **maryxing** : i-

 

 **digidae** : damn he got you there

 

 **bacongang** : jun, you said to give you a rundown?

 

 **bunmyeon** : yes please

 

 **bacongang** : so his party is gonna be this weekend

 

 **hunhoe** : i still don't get why we didn't just celebrate it on monday on his ACTUAL birthday

 

 **bacongang** : bc i wanted to give him a well planned out party with all of his friends okay we needed a bit more time to gather the supplies and all of his friends okay

 

 **prod.loey** : don't trigger him sehun

 

 **hunhoe** : IT WAS A GENUINE QUESTION THO

 

 **bacongang** : anyway back to what i was saying. the party is gonna be at our place. the demon children will be arriving at around 4 pm.

 

 **bacongang** : dae is gonna be a good uncle and take jaemin and his little clan of best friends out for the day and bring them back at around 4:30 pm.

 

 **digidae** : that's me y'all i'm jaemins favorite uncle hehe B)

 

 **bacongang** : the rest of y'all need to be here at noon so you can help me set up. it's a surprise party so KEEP YA TRAPS SHUT ALRIGHT.

 

 **maryxing** : okay baekzilla, damn.

 

 **bunmyeon** : ooookay i got it be there at noon. keep it on the low. is there anything you want me to bring?

 

 **bacongang** : just more soda n chips just in case we run out. minseok and kyungsoo are gonna be in charge of cooking and the cake

 

 **bunmyeon** : alright sounds like a plan i'll be there!

 

 **bunmyeon** : okay i um gotta go. kun keeps yelling at yukhei and xiao jun for choosing rainbow road on mario kart

 

 **digidae** : have fun junmyeon lol

 

 **prod.loey** : he's so close to breaking that wii lmao

 

 **maryxing** : i guess that's my cue to come over and assist him with the children :D

 

 **luhung** : sure xing go ahead, go "assist" him with the grown ass teenagers in his house -.-

 

 **pokemin** : we all know xing is just gonna sit on the couch and instigate more bullshit until they all leave

 

 **yokaiwatch** : so basically he's going over to jun and soos house to get some

 

 **bacongang** : yes

 

 **digidae** : yes

 

 **taozi** : yes

 

 **maryxing** : yes

 

 **donotdisturb** : please do me a favor and don't do it on my damn couch.

 

 **maryxing** : but ofc, we have some class and decency unlike tao and kris :)

 

 **kvngkris** : y'all keep roasting me and tao but until any one of you have walked in on minseok and jongdae-

 

 **kvngkris** : you haven't heard or seen nothin' yet

 

 **digidae** : SHUT THE FUCK UP YIFAN DJDMFJDK

 

 **pokemin** : i'm getting war flashbacks

 

 **prod.loey** : he what-

 

 **luhung** : no fucking way.

 

 **hunhoe** : kris saw them and went "and i oop! (0_o)"

 

 **yokaiwatch** : BITCHJSJS

 

 **taozi** : you two left him SCARRED for life

 

 **luhung** : ...what the fuck did he SEE

 

 **donotdisturb** : ten bucks says he saw jongdae topping

 

 **hunhoe** : i'll take that action

 

 **digidae** : WHAT

 

 **bacongang** : the way y'all seem to think that jongdae is incapable of topping fucking SENDS

 

 **pokemin** : ^ honestly tho

 

 **donotdisturb** : sehun notice how jongin and chanyeol didn't bet against me. take note on how to be an intellectual.

 

 **kvngkris** : congratulations soo on winning ten measly dollars

 

 **hunhoe** : wait what I LOST ???

 

 **pokemin** : yes sweetie you did

 

 **prod.loey** : the way soo just snatched the money out of sehuns hand and proceeded to set the table with jongin

 

 **yokaiwatch** : wbk my boyfriend has next level bad bitch energy mkay

 

 **luhung** : ARE WE JUST GONNA IGNORE THE FACT THAT FOR SOME REASON BAEKHYUN KNOWS THAT JONGDAE TOPS ?

 

 **bacongang** : ...didn't we already have this conversation like a million years ago

 

 **luhung** : no we didn't

 

 **digidae** : well i'm sure as hell not talking about it

 

 **hunhoe** : now i wanna know

 

 **prod.loey** : me too

 

 **yokaiwatch** : me three

 

 **taozi** : me four, one of y'all better spill the tea

 

 **bacongang** : uh...

 

 **digidae** : ...um

 

 **bacongang** : we dated in freshman year

 

 **digidae** : we dated in freshman year

 

 **bacongang** : BEST FRIEND TELEKINESIS BITCH

 

 **digidae** : things we did: THAT.

 

 **luhung** : WAIT WAIT WHAT

 

 **pokemin** : i remember this oml

 

 **poekmin** : im cringing at how i was so fucking jealous of bakehyun lmaooo

 

 **prod.loey** : BAEK YOU DATED JONGDAE ?

 

 **taozi** : ON GOD?

 

 **bacongang** : yes, we dated.

 

 **digidae** : it was a weird phase okay were bros for a whole decade and then we uh had feelings for each other ???

 

 **bacongang** : honestly we were a mess but anyway. we were each others first for everything blah blah blah jongdae topped end of discussion

 

 **digidae** : that's it, the end, finito, no more, END OF DISCUSSION.

 

 **prod.loey** : i-

 

 **hunhoe** : i'm suffering to wrap my head around this

 

 **donotdisturb** : to be honest it isn't that surprising that baek and dae dated

 

 **pokemin** : yeah they were attached to the hip 24/7

 

 **bacongang** : that's because you two were there to witness it unfortunately

 

 **hunhoe** : so wait… jongdae actually topped-

 

 **luhung** : are you really still processing that

 

 **digidae** : I THOUGHT WE SAID END OF DISCUSSION Y'ALL PLEASE JFHKDSKSM

 

 **bacongang** : dae are you getting war flashbacks /again/

 

 **digidae** : yes.

 

 **bacongang** : minseok hyung come collect your man before he starts remembering /the horrors/ of freshman year

 

 **pokemin** : im omw with cuddles dae !

 

 **digidae** : YAY !

 

 **taozi** : dis gust TANG.

 

 **prod.loey** : the vine supremacist returns

 

 **kvngkris** : sometimes y'all are so soft like the way you are right now

 

 **kvngkris** : and then i wonder if what i really saw was even real…

 

 **digidae** : YIFAN. SHUT THE FUCK UP DJFDJLGDK

 

 **bacongang** : jongdae is channeling his inner red forman right now

 

 **prod.loey** : kris bouta have daes foot in his ass in a second omg

 

 **luhung** : any minute now jongdaes hairline is gonna start receding

 

 **hunhoe** : and the balding begins PFFFT

 

 **digidae** : ALL OF YOU ARE GONNA HAVE A FUCKING-

 

 **digidae:** FOOT. IN. YOUR. ASS.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i finished rewatching the 70s show yesterday so thats what the ending was about :)


	5. dionysus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dreamies, skz, and tbz cook up a storm at baekchens house

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the little " - " is just to represent time lapses between each set of chats throughout the night.

_idk what this is yet_

 

 **digidae** : baek why did you HAVE TO INVITE THE ENTIRE FUCKING CLASS OF 2019 INTO OUR FUCKING HOME

 

 **bacongang** : we have a /big/ house and JAEMIN HAS ALOT OF FRIENDS OKAY

 

 **pokemin** : yeah but there's like forty fucking kids here

 

 **yokaiwatch** : me and soo are hiding in baeks closet lmfao. we gave up ages ago

 

 **prod.loey** : after they cut the cake i just went to go play super mario sunshine in daes room

 

 **digidae** : the privilege you have of touching my gamecube

 

 **prod.loey** : 'tis a true honor sir

 

 **kvngkris** : well me and mister zhang are smokin' a blunt out on the deck

 

 **pokemin** : um xing you better get your ass back in here because…

 

 **digidae** : junmyeon looks like he's about to strangle one of these kids

 

 **luhung** : the kid that looks a bit like a shark…

 

 **hunhoe** : i think that's jeongin

 

 **luhung** : him, jaemin and yukhei keep screaming at each other "WASSUP MAN"

 

 **luhung** : and jun has the most exasperated look on his face right now.

 

 **bunmyeon** : i'm in the groupchat you know.

 

 **bunmyeon** : and all three of these crackheads are getting smacked the fuck up i swear

 

 **hunhoe** : i think he's been possessed by kyungsoo

 

 **pokemin** : seems like it

 

 **prod.loey** : y'all thought that was bad-

 

 **prod.loey** : i got these three "soundcloud rappers" asking me what producing programs i use

 

 **prod.loey** : it's taking a lot right now for me to not laugh every single time this kid says "mate"

 

 **yokaiwatch** : oh i remember that kid, that's the aussie one...

 

 **yokaiwatch:** um what was his name ?

 

 **donotdisturb** : his name was chris, nini.

 

 **yokaiwatch** : him! yes he came with two other guys… they're all kinda short omfg

 

 **hunhoe** : i felt like i was talking to dae and minseok hyung whenever i spoke to them

 

 **prod.loey** : us:  O      them:

                        / | \                O

                           |                  /|\

                         /  \                /\

 

 **digidae** : you really spent all that time on that, just to clown us for our height

 

 **prod.loey** : yes.

 

 **digidae** : gamecube rights: REVOKED

 

-

 

 **taozi** : um guys

 

 **bunmyeon** : what

 

 **taozi** : not trying to alarm anyone but

 

 **taozi** : the squirrel and the dolphin… just blew up the microwave-

 

 **bunmyeon** : the squirrel and the dolphin, WHAT THE FUCK ?

 

 **pokemin** : translation: chenle and the jisung that came with the aussies

 

 **hunhoe** : THERE'S TWO JISUNGS ???

 

 **kvngkris** : am i that high or did i just see baekhyun faint

 

 **maryxing** : i think he actually fainted omg

 

 **prod.loey** : imma get him up stairs to his room

 

 **prod.loey** : @ **digidae** can you please bring up some water and his stuff up his room

 

 **taozi** : jongdae.

 

 **taozi** : JONGDAE.

 

 **taozi** : oh my fuckin god, he's fucking dead

 

 **pokemin** : i'm pretty sure he's still in shock

 

 **hunhoe** : he's staring at the microwave like he's miss jackson from couples court

 

 **luhung** : THE ACCURACY

 

 **prod.loey** : can somebody PLEASE get some water and baeks phone and bring it to his room

 

 **pokemin** : well um i'm collecting jongdae right now

 

 **pokemin** : i think those two need each other right now so i'll meet you upstairs with some water and their stuff…

 

 **bunmyeon** : MINSEOK YOU BETTER COME BACK DOWN HERE I CANNOT BE LEFT IN CHARGE OF THESE CHILDREN

 

 **pokemin** : i wiLL okay calm down i'll be there in a minute

 

 **pokemin** : chanyeol keep an eye of those two for me please

 

 **prod.loey** : you got it

 

-

 

 **yokaiwatch** : so

 

 **yokaiwatch** : me and soo came out of the closet

 

 **hunhoe** : that was two years ago jongin

 

 **yokaiwatch** : STFU BITCHJFKDJJ LET ME FINISH

 

 **yokaiwatch** : anyway, we came out of the closet and i-

 

 **taozi** : oop!

 

 **maryxing** : the way that i snorted oh my god

 

 **yokaiwatch** : LISTEN TO ME

 

 **donotdisturb** : listen to him or i'll burn your food tomorrow night.

 

 **hunhoe** : i'm listening

 

 **kvngkris** : my ears are on

 

 **taozi** : spill the tea nini

 

 **yokaiwatch** : so we deadass took ONE STEP out of the closet

 

 **yokaiwatch** : and then a second later TWO BODIES SLAM INTO THE WALL RIGHT NEXT TO US

 

 **yokaiwatch** : FUCKING MARK LEE WAS MAKING OUT WITH DONGHYUCK LIKE HIS LIFE DEPENDED ON IT

 

 **luhung** : jongin

 

 **luhung** : what have you DONE

 

 **maryxing** : jongin you have triggered the /parent/

 

 **bunmyeon** : minnie stop STOMPING THROUGH THE HOUSE PLEASE

 

 **taozi** : oh shit here he comes

 

 **hunhoe** : he's MAD mad

 

 **kvngkris** : cue the jaws music

 

-

 

 **donotdisturb** : there's a fucking THING eating FROOT LOOPS while standing on the TABLE

 

 **bunmyeon** : what

 

 **taozi** : i'm-

 

 **yokaiwatch** : soo breathe PLEASE

 

 **donotdisturb** : THIS FREAKING MOUSE LOOKIN ASS BRAT JUST TOLD ME AND MY "LIL BUDDY" TO TAKE A FROOT LOOP AND HAVE A GOOD TIME WITH IT

 

 **luhung** : is he high

 

 **pokemin** : i'm pretty sure they're all high at this point

 

 **kvngkris** : i think the kid just called the froot loop a cock ring-

 

 **hunhoe** : that second hand smoke is really getting to them holy shit

 

 **maryxing** : man we really should've locked the deck door before we started smoking that weed...

 

 **donotdisturb** : JONGIN COME COLLECT YOUR DISRESPECTFUL ASS DANCING PRODIGY RIGHT NOW

 

 **yokaiwatch** : jisung is like sixteen, cut him some slack babe pls

 

 **bunmyeon** : WHY IS HE EVEN HERE

 

 **kvngkris** : an even better question: WHY THE FUCK DOES HE KNOW WHAT A COCK RING IS

 

 **maryxing** : who said he was calling the froot loop a cock ring

 

 **maryxing** : maybe he just meant that kyungsoo and the froot loop should be friends

 

 **luhung** : xing what the actual fuck.

 

-

 

 **pokemin** : that letter kid

 

 **pokemin** : K

 

 **hunhoe** : hyung that's the wrong letter

 

 **pokemin** : L M N O P Q R S WHATEVER THE FUCK HIS NAME IS

 

 **luhung** : it is Q if i am correct…

 

 **pokemin** : HE BROKE INTO DAES CHINA CABINET AND SAID IT WAS HIS NEW TREEHOUSE

 

 **maryxing** : ha ha ha.

 

 **mayxing** : HA HA HA.

 

 **hunhoe** : yixings text says it all.

 

 **pokemin** : and now he keeps trying to invite the new kid into the fucking china cabinet

 

 **bunmyeon** : new kid ??? ANOTHER FUCKING KID IS HERE ??

 

 **pokemin** : NO THAT'S HIS ACTUAL NAME

 

 **pokemin** : N-E-W. NEW.

 

 **luhung** : oh my ever living fuck.

 

 **pokemin** : what.

 

 **luhung** : daes agumon x charmander china just fell out of the cabinet and shattered-

 

 **bunmyeon** : t-that was custom made

 

 **bunmyeon** : jongdae got a couple of his dongsaengs from work to make it for him and minseok-

 

 **bunmyeon** : minnie BREATHE PLEASE

 

 **pokemin** : DON'T TELL ME TO BREATHE.

 

 **pokemin** : KOOK AND TAE SPENT HALF A YEAR DESIGNING THAT

 

 **taozi** : oh my god we're all fucking dead now

 

 **hunhoe** : we should start digging our graves y'all.

 

 **kvngkris** : i'm writing my will right now

 

-

 

 **prod.loey** : um.

 

 **prod.loey** : so baekhyun and jongdae have just been

 

 **prod.loey** : holding each other and apologizing to every person they have ever terrorized in high school

 

 **pokemin** : i'm confused

 

 **luhung** : what do you mean

 

 **prod.loey** sent a _voice note_

 

 **kvngkris** : their nomination and win for class clown in high school makes a whole lot more sense now

 

 **yokaiwatch** : WAIT THEY'RE THE ONES WHO DROPPED THE STINK BOMB IN MISS CHOI'S CLASS ?

 

 **hunhoe** : that was absolutely fucking disgusting, it smelled like toe cheese and earring backs for WEEKS.

 

 **donotdisturb** : i'm more shocked at the fact that they filled mr. jung's office with post it notes

 

 **luhung** : okay you have to admit that was fucking HILARIOUS

 

 **donotdisturb** : that's very true, that prank was a classic

 

 **taozi** : ...they made the slip 'n slide frenzy in the C locker bay

 

 **kvngkris** : that one was crazy

 

 **luhung** : honestly tho

 

 **kvngkris** : where did they find the time to cover the floors with plastic wrap and coat it with dishwashing soap

 

 **prod.loey** : that was just them wrapping up sophomore year

 

 **prod.loey** sent a _voice note_

 

 **prod.loey** : we have officially entered /junior year/

 

 **hunhoe** : baekhyun really said "i'm sorry mr. johnson but your english class fucking SUCKED."

 

 **yokaiwatch** : WAS HE LYING THO

 

 **taozi** : no he wasn't, that class was fucking horrible

 

 **pokemin** : THEY SPRAY PAINTED ENGLISH CURSE WORDS ON HIS CAR I'M FUCKINGKFDK LAUGHING

 

 **luhung** : jongdae in the background "i'm sorry mr. kim for reprogramming your computer for a month."

 

 **bunmyeon** : SKSKSKS THAT WAS SO ICONIC

 

 **bunmyeon** : JONGDAE WAS CONTROLLING HIS COMPUTER WITH A FUCKING TV REMOTE

 

 **yokaiwatch** : EVERY TIME CLASS STARTED, MR. KIM ALWAYS SAID "OKAY CLASS TODAY WE'RE GOING TO LEARN [XYZ subject]

 

 **yokaiwatch** : and everyday without fail for one month jongdae always cut him off at "learn" by quote unquote "changing the channel" with the tv remote

 

 **bunmyeon** : he would press a number on the remote and a cartoon would start playing on the projector

 

 **pokemin** : ah i remember the time he dedicated one to me :)

 

 **yokaiwatch** : he did?

 

 **pokemin** : yes, on my birthday he put pokemon on the projector

 

 **luhung** : the cheesy fucker was so in love with you minnie i swear to god

 

 **pokemin** : i know i know that's my baby

 

 **pokemin** : talented and cute as fuck

 

 **yokaiwatch** : and that's my cue to leave

 

 **hunhoe** : time to skrt skrt the fuck outta here

 

-

 

 **bunmyeon** : why is there a pogo stick in the wall

 

 **bunmyeon** : hello ???

 

 **bunmyeon** : SOMEONE ANSWER AND TELL ME I'M NOT GOING CRAZY

 

 **luhung** : you're not going crazy jun

 

 **luhung** : there really is a pogo stick in the fucking wall

 

 **hunhoe** : why do they even own a pogo stick

 

 **donotdisturb** : sehun. this is baekhyun and jongdae we're talking about.

 

 **donotdisturb** : they are literally loud ass children posing as adults

 

 **donotdisturb** : how minseok and chanyeol put up with them is BEYOND ME.

 

 **prod.loey** : HEY ! >:(

 

 **pokemin** : ...actually i don't know how i do it either but i still love his dumbass

 

 **donotdisturb** : at least you admit he's a dumbass

 

 **bunmyeon** : CAN WE PLEASE FOCUS ON THE HOLE IN THE GODDAMN WALL

 

 **bunmyeon** : THERE IS A FUCKING POGO STICK IN THE FUCKING WALL

 

 **yokaiwatch** : okay jun there's a fucking pogo stick in the wall what are you gonna do about it

 

 **bunmyeon** : I DON'T KNOW THAT'S WHY I'M ASKING YOU GUYS

 

 **kvngkris** : i fixed it

 

 **maryxing** : what.

 

 **hunhoe** : what.

 

 **donotdisturb** : what.

 

 **taozi** : what.

 

 **pokemin** : what.

 

 **yokaiwatch** : HE TOOK OUT THE POGO STICK

 

 **yokaiwatch** : AND STUFFED THE HOLE WITH A BLANKET IM-

 

 **bunmyeon** : KRIS YOU DID WHAT

 

 **kvngkris** : don't yell at me i fixed the freaking problem

 

 **kvngkris** : and i didn't spend a CENT in the process

 

 **luhung** : ...the blunt took his last brain cell

 

-

 

 **donotdisturb** : the bus is here

 

 **maryxing** : the bus?

 

 **donotdisturb** : the bus.

 

 **pokemin** : why is there a bus here

 

 **donotdisturb** : i ordered it.

 

 **pokemin** : w h y-

 

 **donotdisturb** : TO TAKE THE PESTS HOME.

 

 **luhung** : okay but a bus?

 

 **donotdisturb** : DID YOU WANT TO SPENT A GRAND ON GETTING THE SHITHEADS DOZENS OF UBERS?

 

 **luhung** : nope nope i'm good

 

 **hunhoe** : we're NOT COMPLAINING okay i just want to clarify that

 

 **bunmyeon** : well i started gathering the kids.

 

 **donotdisturb** : good. xing you got the addresses?

 

 **maryxing** : yes :D

 

 **donotdisturb** : alright. so jun and xing are gonna go on the bus with them to make sure they all get home safely

 

 **donotdisturb** : now, all of you help junmyeon and yixing get them on the bus.

 

 **pokemin** : check everywhere guys, remember no child left behind !

 

 **luhung** : jfc we're in for a long night

 

 **yokaiwatch** : let's just get this over with so i can finally sleep

 

 **hunhoe** : you mean so we can ALL sleep

 

 **yokaiwatch** : every man for themselves sis !

 

 **taozi** : ffs just GO


	6. wakey - wakey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> rise and shine pt.1
> 
> aka the aftermath of the party

_idk what this is yet_

 

 **pokemin** : oh my god

 

 **bunmyeon** : what

 

 **bunmyeon** : did you find another hole in the wall ?

 

 **pokemin** : no.

 

 **bunmyeon** : d-did you find agumon or c-charmander.

 

 **pokemin** : NO I DID NOT

 

 **bunmyeon** : then what is it?

 

 **pokemin** : since some of the little weasels went upstairs last night

 

 **pokemin** : i went up there to continue cleaning

 

 **pokemin** : and i went into baeks room

 

 **bunmyeon** : i assume whatever it is that you've found, is cute.

 

 **bunmyeon** : i can hear your /very/ obnoxious cooing from down here

 

 **pokemin** : but it really is cute jun :(((

 

 **pokemin** : chanyeol, baekhyun, and jongdae are all asleep in baeks bed and-

 

 **pokemin** : jongdae is hugging baek who curled into his chest

 

 **pokemin** : chanyeol being the big oaf he is, is hugging both of them

 

 **bunmyeon** : im omw up

 

 **donotdisturb** : y'all better shut up please

 

 **donotdisturb** : my head fucking hurts i'm trying to sleep that shit off

 

 **donotdisturb** : ...MINSEOK'S COOING WAS ALREADY BAD ENOUGH, NOW YOU TOO JUNMYEON?

 

 **bunmyeon** : but it's SO CUTE

 

 **pokemin** : baek really is their baby :(((

 

 **bunmyeon** : chanyeol makes dae look smol hence baek looking even smoller

 

 **donotdisturb** : i can't believe

 

 **donotdisturb** : y'all are making me get up for this shit

 

 **pokemin** : no one is making you do anything soo

 

 **bunmyeon** : yeah we're just merely stating a fact about the preciousness of our 92 line :(((

.

.

.

.

.

 **pokemin** : did he just-

 

 **bunmyeon:** am i dreaming

 

 **pokemin** : y'all kyungsoo just fucking said "uwu" in real life

 

 **kvngkris** : say what now-

 

 **taozi** : sounds fake.

 

 **luhung** : what

 

 **hunhoe** : w h a t.

 

 **maryxing** : lmfao you're trippin'

 

 **donotdisturb** : you idiots woke up for THAT ???

 

 **bunmyeon** : minseok's not playing omfg

 

 **pokemin** : i'm being so deadass

 

 **pokemin** : he stormed in there going OFF, "you two dumbasses woke me up for no good reason and i have this shitstorm of a headache i'm still trying to get rid of, dipshits. you stupid headasses are full of absolute bullshit-"

 

 **pokemin** : Y'ALL SHOULD'VE SEEN THE WAY HE FROZE WHEN HE SAW THE BED

 

 **bunmyeon** : his eyes went WIDE and he shut up so quick JSKSKSKF

 

 **pokemin** : i barely opened my mouth and he said "minseok shut up you're gonna wake up the children."

 

 **bunmyeon** : NOT EVEN TEN SECONDS LATER

 

 **bunmyeon** : bAEK rOLLED OVER IN BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM TO SNUGGLE INTO CHANYEOL'S CHEST

 

 **bunmyeon** : DAE JUST KEPT BACK HUGGING BAEK AND THE BIGGEST FUCKING SMILE GRACED BAEKHYUNS FACE IN HIS SLEEP

 

 **pokemin** : jun your fanboying is showing

 

 **bunmyeon** : shut up seok you were doing the same shit ten minutes ago

 

 **pokemin** : why are you always tryna call me out like that.

 

 **bunmyeon** : anygays.

 

 **pokemin** : it was an ultimate k.o. bc kyungsoo deadass went "u-uwu" SKDKDJDJ

 

 **donotdisturb** : i was under duress

 

 **donotdisturb** : the beagles made me do it.

 

 **bunmyeon** : BULLSHIT.

 

 **kvngkris** : THEY WERE LITERALLY ASLEEP

 

 **luhung** : THEY WEREN'T EVEN CONSCIOUS

 

 **donotdisturb** : T-THAT'S NOT THE POINT IT'S STILL THEIR FAULT

 

 **taozi** : AWWW KYUNGGIE IS SUCH A SOFTIE

 

 **hunhoe** : SOO SAID IT'S SOFT HOURS

 

 **donotdisturb** : I AM NO SUCH THING

 

 **donotdisturb** : I SAID NO SUCH THING

 

 **maryxing** : sounds fake.

 

 **hunhoe** : sure susan.

 

 **pokemin** : whatever you say karen.

 

 **luhung** : the denial jumped out!

 

 **taozi** : that's called clownery luv x.

.

.

.

 **yokaiwatch** : good morning everyone :D

 

 **donotdisturb** : dear god,

 

you kno i never ask you for anything but imma need you to promise me that jongin gets all the happiness, love and support that he fuckin deserves 'til he radiates enough light to leave the sun jobless and burn my ass

 

best regards,

 

do kyungsoo.

 

 **kvngkris** : definition of soft: see entry "do kyungsoo" on page 73.

 

 **taozi** : i rest my case

 

 **bunmyeon** : hotel? trivago.

 

 **bunmyeon** : kyungsoo? soft.

 

 **bunmyeon** : case? closed.

 

 **luhung** : caaaso cerradooo

 

 **hunhoe** : oooh oooooooh~

 

 **digidae** : why the fuck are you singing the caso cerrado theme song pendejo òwó

 

 **digidae** : better yet, why do you even k n o w it ???

 

 **pokemin** : good morning baby :)

 

 **digidae** : morning minnie <3

 

 **hunhoe** : really

 

 **hunhoe** : right in front of my fucking salad

 

 **digidae** : yeah, really, right in front of your fucking salad since you won't answer my question

 

 **pokemin** : the kim mateo has risen and is currently addressing you, sehun.

 

 **hunhoe** : sigh.

 

 **hunhoe** : are you fucking kidding me

 

 **hunhoe** : it's maury + dr. phil + jerry springer + judge judy in one.

 

 **hunhoe:** IT'S THE ULTIMATE GOD TIER SHOW.

 

 **hunhoe** : OF COURSE I WOULD KNOW IT.

 

 **hunhoe** : plus tea in spanish is boiling compared to that lukewarm american shit

 

 **digidae** : i-

 

 **digidae** : damn i can't even argue against that.

 

 **taozi** : "lukewarm american shit." I CAN'T JDJSJSJ

 

 **yokaiwatch** : "tea in spanish is boiling-" THAT SENT ME

 

 **hunhoe** : pLEASE last episode this dude got tattooed "CHEATER" on his forehead while he was asleep by his ex girlfriends CURRENT boyfriend.

 

 **kvngkris** : what the fuck

 

 **luhung** : LMAOOO I REMEMBER THAT

 

 **luhung** : ME AND SEHUN BUSTED OUR ASSES LAUGHING AT THAT EPISODE

 

 **hunhoe** : dr. ana polo called bullshit ALL OVER IT was fucking hilarious

 

 **hunhoe** : sis was hitting her gavel LEFT AND RIGHT

 

 **luhung** : ugh what a queen

 

 **digidae** : okay but doctora ana polo has been a skinny queen since 2001

 

 **digidae** : ella no es rita moreno pero todavía es legendaria

 

 **bunmyeon** : ...mateo you need to chill with the spanish before minseok jumps you

 

 **digidae** : HSKSKFJ you right omg

 

 **pokemin** : i would do no such thing

 

 **digidae** : minseok. don't even make me remind you what happened last time

 

 **pokemin** : …

 

 **kvngkris** : I DON'T EVEN WANNA KNOW

 

 **taozi** : he's getting flashbacks again

 

 **luhung** : jongdae topping was just too much

 

 **maryxing** : it was too powerful for him

 

 **digidae** : AND on that note i'm going back to sleep.

 

 **digidae** : my best friends require my love and attention

 

 **digidae** : hasta luego viejos feos :D

 

 **pokemin** : FUCK ME

 

 **hunhoe** : WHAT THE FUCK MINSEOK DNDFJDN

 

 **pokemin** : DON'T ROAST ME BITCH

 

 **hunhoe** : I'M PRETTY SURE HE JUST CALLED US OLD AND UGLY YOU STUPID HOE

 

 **pokemin** : does it look like i give a fuck, cuz i don't.

 

 **pokemin** : that shit was hot periodt.

 

 **bunmyeon** : minseok, shut up.

 

 **pokemin** : gladly

 

 **donotdisturb** : thank fuck.

 

-

 

 **donotdisturb** : what's up fuckers

 

 **donotdisturb** : breakfast is ready, come to the dining room asap!

 

 **pokemin** : um… does this mean we have to wake up /them/ up

 

 **bunmyeon** : ...who the hell is "we", i ain't waking them up

 

 **bunmyeon** : imagine ME ruining the cute cocoon the smols have created :((((

 

 **yokaiwatch** : i-

 

 **taozi** : oh y'all are SOFT soft huh.

 

 **kvngkris** : at this point i'm convinced that you two would let those three get away with anything.

 

 **kvngkris** : a n y t h i n g.

 

 **pokemin** : you aren't wrong

 

 **bunmyeon** : you aren't wrong

 

 **pokemin** : our MINDS jun

 

 **bunmyeon** : they are SUPERIOR minnie

 

 **donotdisturb** : good lord.

 

 **maryxing** : as the person who lives with one and dates the other

 

 **maryxing** : i can confirm this is true.

 

 **pokemin** : you really had to throw us under the bus like that, huh xing?

 

 **bunmyeon** : #fake

 

 **luhung** : who's gonna wake them up bc im pretty comfy right now...

 

 **taozi** : loose translation: comfy in sehun's lap

 

 **yokaiwatch** : luhan hyung just say you're trying to resurrect his dick from the dead and call it a day

 

 **luhung** : I AM NOT

 

 **hunhoe** : IMFHDIKJDJNR NO HE'S NOT

 

 **yokaiwatch** : so what luhan hyung just conveniently has to readjust his ass on your lap every two minutes ?

 

 **yokaiwatch** : sure jan.

 

 **kvngkris** : YOU'RE NOT EVEN TRYING TO HIDE IT AT THIS POINT PLEASE

 

 **luhung** : ALL OF YALL STOP ATTACKING ME AND MY MAN

 

 **luhung** : we have a more IMPORTANT matter at hand

 

 **taozi** : you mean you have a more important matter in  YOUR HANDS.

 

 **hunhoe** : STFU BITCH JDKDJLSN

 

 **taozi** : did i lie

 

 **taozi** : did i lie

 

 **taozi** : did i LIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ?

 

 **kvngkris** : babe did you just get possessed by nicki minaj

 

 **taozi** : yifan, she's my spirit animal

 

 **taozi** : when am i NOT possessed by queen nicki

 

 **maryxing** : that explains A LOT.

 

 **luhung** : gays FOCUS.

 

 **luhung** : okay

 

 **luhung** : last person to say "not it" has to wake up the beagles

 

 **bunmyeon** : is this really necessary

 

 **luhung** : do you have a better idea besides rock paper scissors

 

 **bunmyeon** : uh no

 

 **luhung** : that's what i thought.

 

 **luhung** : okay on three

 

 **luhung** : one

 

 **luhung** : two

 

 **luhung** : THREE!

 

 **hunhoe** : not it

 

 **taozi** : not it

 

 **luhung** : not it

 

 **yokaiwatch** : not it

 

 **maryxing** : not it

 

 **bunmyeon** : not it

 

 **kvngkris** : not it

 

 **donotdisturb** : not it

 

 **pokemin** : OH COME ON I WAS FOLDING STUFF

 

 **yokaiwatch** : define "stuff"

 

 **maryxing** : try "hand towels", jongin.

 

 **luhung** : no one told you to be extra as fuck with towel folding

 

 **kvngkris** : yeah dude you spent ten minutes on ONE towel wtf

 

 **pokemin** : fuck y'all, roasting me for my folding skills.

 

 **pokemin** : i wanted to wake dae up anyway :)

.

.

.

.

.

 **donotdisturb** : i have a bad feeling about this


	7. lullaby (spanish. ver.)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the morning after pt.2 - there's a hold on breakfast

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is inspired by a twt mutual of mine who never shuts up about jongdae's spanish name and the ten seconds of spanish he spoke in chile lmaooo

_idk what this is yet_

 

 **donotdisturb** : it's been TEN MINUTES

 

 **donotdisturb** : WHERE THE FUCK ARE THEY

 

 **bunmyeon** : i dunno

 

 **bunmyeon** : but uhhh i'm sure as hell not gonna go up there to find out tho

 

 **maryxing** : well someone has to

 

 **maryxing** : because im fucking starved

 

 **kvngkris** : me too

 

 **donotdisturb** : y'all are just getting the munchies again stfu that ain't even relevant

 

 **donotdisturb** : however, THE FOOD GETTING COLD, IS RELEVANT.

 

 **hunhoe** : someone please take one for the team

 

 **hunhoe** : i am a growing boy, i need food :(((

 

 **taozi** : you're twenty six, shut the fuck up

 

 **bunmyeon** : "growing boy" my ass

 

 **luhung** : will someone go get them

 

 **luhung** : PLEASE.

 

 **yokaiwatch** : oh you're still not gonna get up huh

 

 **luhung** : shut up bitch stop judging me

 

 **yokaiwatch** : SOO I'M BEING BULLIED

 

 **donotdisturb** : nini no one told you to keep looking at those two shameless rats

 

 **yokaiwatch** : i-

 

 **hunhoe** : i-

 

 **luhung** : i-

 

 **taozi** : hold on.

 

 **taozi** : EVERYONE SHUT UP

 

 **taozi** : i hear MOVEMENT

.

.

.

.

.

 **taozi** : was that…

 

 **bunmyeon** : i think so…

 

 **kvngkris** : footsteps

 

 **kvngkris** : THOSE WERE DEFINITELY FOOTSTEPS

 

 **kvngkris** : someone is AWAKE

 

 **maryxing** : finally we can EAT

 

 **yokaiwatch** : YES BITCH

 

 **hunhoe** : WOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOO

 

 **kvngkris** : thank FUCK.

 

 **donotdisturb** : if that's the case then someone help me set the table

 

 **bunmyeon** : i'll help soo

 

 **donotdisturb** : thanks jun, get the plates please

 

 **donotdisturb** : nini, get the water and juice out

 

 **yokaiwatch** : 'kay soo !

 

 **hunhoe** : I'M SO EXCITED

 

 **hunhoe** : AND I JUST CAN'T HIDE IT

 

 **luhung** : literally

 

 **hunhoe** : HAN PLEASEJDJDJD

 

 **taozi** : WAIT

 

 **taozi** : Y'ALL STOP RUNNING

 

 **kvngkris** : babe ily but-

 

 **kvngkris** : no ???

 

 **kvngkris** : I'M HUNGRY.

 

 **maryxing** : ^ SAME.

 

 **yokaiwatch** : SKRT SKRT.

 

 **taozi** : SHHHH I HEAR SOMETHING ELSE

.

.

.

.

.

 **bunmyeon** : m-mateo ?

 

 **taozi** : oh god

 

 **maryxing** : HE LITERALLY WOKE HIM UP I'M-

 

 **yokaiwatch** : SOMEONE STOP THEM PLEASE

 

 **yokaiwatch** : MY EARS ARE BLEEDING

 

 **kvngkris** : NOT AGAIN

 

 **luhung** : why are they even doing this NOW WITH TEN OTHER PEOPLE IN THE HOUSE

 

 **hunhoe** : NOT TO MENTION CHANBAEK IS RIGHT NEXT DOOR TO THEM

 

 **donotdisturb** : "chanbaek" can honestly sleep through a tornado

 

 **donotdisturb** : AND Y'ALL SEEM TO KEEP FORGETTING THAT THIS IS DAES HOUSE

 

 **donotdisturb** : HE HAS EVERY RIGHT TO DO WHATEVER THE HELL HE WANTS

 

 **luhung** : OKAY BUT HE COULDN'T WAIT TILL WE LEFT ???

 

 **yokaiwatch** : luhan you have no right to talk

 

 **taozi** : you two are literally doing the EXACT same shit.

 

 **luhung** : BITCH !

 

 **hunhoe** : NO WE'RE NOT

 

 **maryxing** : SEHUN SHUT THE HELL UP

 

 **maryxing:** I CAN SEE THE OUTLINE OF YOUR DICK THROUGH YOUR PANTS

 

 **hunhoe** : SHUT UP DSLSKOFNDJ

 

 **hunhoe** has _ascended_

 

 **bunmyeon** : what the fuck-

 

 **taozi** : HOW DO YOU EVEN DO THAT IN A GROUPCHAT WHAT THE FUCK

 

 **yokaiwatch** : perhaps he hacked it

 

 **hunhoe** : i most certainly did

 

 **hunhoe** : courtesy of mateo hyung :D

 

 **donotdisturb** : don't call him mateo i swear to god that name is

 

 **donotdisturb** : f i l t h y.

 

 **taozi** : the way i wanna pour bleach in my ears

 

 **kvngkris** : AS IF THAT WOULD FIX ANYTHING

 

 **kvngkris** : why are they so fucking LOUD god

 

 **bunmyeon** : jongdae is a loud person in general that's not even surprising.

 

 **bunmyeon** : as for minseok i dunno why he's fucking screaming

 

 **luhung** : only bc i was roommates with him

 

 **luhung** : is how i know that right now, he's bottoming

 

 **kvngkris** : NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

 **taozi** : LUHAN STFU HE'S HAVING FLASHBACKS

 

 **kvngkris** : m-my EYES

 

 **luhung** : IT'S THE FUCKING TRUTH

 

 **luhung** : besides it was bound to happen. minnie is such a hoe for jongdae's spanish

 

 **bunmyeon** : that's 100% true

 

 **donotdisturb** : for once he ain't lying

 

 **luhung** : HEY

 

-

 

 **kvngkris** : ...did y'all hear that LMFAOOOO

 

 **maryxing** : I CAN'T BREATHE HDJDKFKF

 

 **luhung** : "DAE YOU FORGOT TO CLOSE THE CLOSET DOOR. AGAIN."

 

 **hunhoe** : "i was and still am a bit preoccupied baek-"

 

 **hunhoe** : "yeah i know i know."

 

 **hunhoe** : "unfortunately i had to see THAT again."

 

 **luhung** : cue a door slam

 

 **yokaiwatch** : Y'ALL HE SAID "AGAIN", I'M-

 

 **luhung** : okay but fr if you've never walked into your best friend doing the do. you're just lucky. PERIOD.

 

 **taozi** : that's very true

 

 **yokaiwatch** : once i walked in on sehun blowing han in the kitchen

 

 **yokaiwatch** : fuck my eyes still hurt from seeing that

 

 **hunhoe** : when i went into my OWN ROOM and found you and soo fucking. FORGET IT.

 

 **hunhoe** : i want to POUR BLEACH in my EYES

 

 **yokaiwatch** : why you gotta expose me like that bitch

 

 **hunhoe** : YOU DID IT FIRST

 

 **luhung** : okay but nothing is worse than that one time

 

 **luhung** : minseok came home and we were defiling his couch

 

 **hunhoe** : i'm having war flashbacks

 

 **hunhoe** : i can still hear the screaming

 

 **taozi** : you sure you're not mixing that up with their current ongoing activity upstairs

 

 **hunhoe** : I UNFORTUNATELY KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN HIS SCREAMS

 

 **hunhoe** : i am most CERTAINLY not mixing it up.

 

 **kvngkris** : what is it with y'all and ruining couches, damn.

 

 **maryxing** : it's almost as if you have a vendetta against couches or sumn

 

 **donotdisturb** : yixing i know you fucked jun on my couch a few days ago shut the fuck up

 

 **bunmyeon** : KYUNGSOO HDJKFJFJ

 

 **bacongang** : nasties

 

 **prod.loey** : disgusting

 

 **luhung** : gross

 

 **kvngkris** : oh NOW they wake up.

 

 **donotdisturb** : WHO ARE YOU IDIOTS TO TALK

 

 **donotdisturb** : YOUR BEST FRIENDS ARE FUCKING RIGHT NOW WITH TEN OTHER PEOPLE WHO CAN HEAR THEM

 

 **taozi** : i'm not in any way shape or form condoning this

 

 **taozi** : but weren't you just defending them, soo-

 

 **donotdisturb** : OKAY WELL I RAN OUTTA PATIENCE TO HEAR MINSEOK'S MOANING AND JONGDAE SPEAKING REALLY UGLY DISGUSTING SPANISH

 

 **donotdisturb** : I JUST WANT TO EAT MY FOOD IN FUCKING PEACE

 

 **taozi** : damn he went off

 

 **hunhoe** : he SNAPPED

 

 **bacongang** : just give it like two more minutes

 

 **luhung** : yeah they're almost done

 

 **prod.loey** : the fact that you two know this is

 

 **prod.loey** : sad. and weird.

 

 **kvngkris** : DID YOU GUYS HEAR THAT I'M SKSKSK

 

 **taozi** : LMAOOOOOOOOO BAEKHYUN

 

 **maryxing** : my fucking LUNGS KDJDNDN

 

 **yokaiwatch** : "yeollie sweetie you're the one who told me that they fucked for fifteen minutes before you could get back in your dorm."

 

 **hunhoe** : BAEK REALLY THREW HIS OWN BOYFRIEND UNDER THE BUS

 

 **bacongang** : and what about it :D

 

 **prod.loey** : i was attacked

 

 **donotdisturb** : well you're about to be attacked again if you two don't come downstairs right now

 

 **donotdisturb** : AND BRING THE OTHER TWO IDIOTS WHILE YOU'RE AT IT.

 

 **maryxing** : um

 

 **maryxing** : you guys really are playing rock paper scissors to decide who opens the door-

 

 **bunmyeon** : are you two FOR REAL

 

 **kvngkris** : please tell me, you're joking.

 

 **bacongang** : you wanna come up and open the fucking the door

 

 **maryxing** : nope nope i'm good

 

 **maryxing** : i'm just chillin' in cedar rapids

 

 **bunmyeon** : i've heard enough for today im fine

 

 **kvngkris** : i don't have a sufficient amount of bleach to handle that so i'm cool

 

 **prod.loey** : that's what we thought :)

 

 **prod.loey** : anyway i'm omw down cuz baek lost

 

 **bacongang** : shut up yeol -.-

 

 **yokaiwatch** : why does he sound like marv

 

 **yokaiwatch** : "fudgin cruddy brat fudgin hate hisss dumbassss fudgin asssholes fucjjddjingjdkd"

 

 **hunhoe** : bro you're right oh my fuckinnnnn god

 

 **luhung** : who the hell is marv

 

 **taozi** : the midget from home alone

 

 **donotdisturb** : he wasn't a midget

 

 **bunmyeon** : you idiots just think everyone who's shorter than you is a midget

 

 **kvngkris** : but y'all are midgets. that's the truth.

 

 **kvngkris** : so i don't see your point here jun

 

 **bunmyeon** : I WILL LITERALLY BREAK YOUR KNEECAPS BITCH

 

 **donotdisturb** : say bye to your ugly ass ankles yifan :D

 

 **kvngkris** : all you two did is prove my point

 

 **kvngkris** : jun can you even reach my kneecaps

 

 **taozi** : yifan don't-

 

 **bunmyeon** : test me i swear to fuck i will cut you bitch

 

 **donotdisturb** : he ain't playin' around kris he's got a fucking knife in his hand

 

 **kvngkris** : ooooh im soooo scared of a butter knife

 

 **maryxing** : ...ha. ha ha ha.

 

 **maryxing** : bye kris, it was nice knowing you

 

 **taozi** : yeah uh see ya babe

 

 **yokaiwatch** : lmaoooo you're about to be fuckin' dead

 

 **donotdisturb** : lol have fun yifan

 

 **kvngkris** : the fuck ???

 

 **kvngkris** : why the hell is jun staring at me from across the house with a creepy ass smile…

 

 **kvngkris** : while holding a fucking CLEAVER ?!

 

 **kvngkris** : SOMEONE ANSWER ME

 

 **kvngkris** : FUCK-

 

-

 

 **bacongang** : why is kris SCREAMING

 

 **prod.loey** : cuz he really tried it

 

 **bacongang** : ...the hell did he do

 

 **yokaiwatch** : he called jun and soo midgets and well-

 

 **taozi** : you know how they get

 

 **hunhoe** : and now jun is currently chasing him around the house with a cleaver.

 

 **bacongang** : ...you tall people never fucking learn

 

 **prod.loey** : wha :0

 

 **bacongang** : not you baby you're great

 

 **prod.loey** : yay :D

 

 **donotdisturb** : jongin doesn't count as well

 

 **yokaiwatch** : ^ smol rights !!!

 

 **bacongang** : fine. jongin congratulations on having brain cells.

 

 **yokaiwatch** : me and my three brain cells are very thankful !

 

 **digidae** : HELLO PEASANTS

 

 **donotdisturb** : hello to you too, disgusting knock off latino

 

 **luhung** : "KNOCK OFF LATINO" I'M IN FUCKING TEARS KSJSJDN

 

 **taozi** : i wish i could BREATHE FUCK

 

 **digidae** : you wish you could speak español, jealous roach.

 

 **donotdisturb** : pues yo también puedo hablar español estúpido. ahora hágame un gran favor y cállate carajo. puto come mierda.

 

 **yokaiwatch** : f-fuck

 

 **bunmyeon** : okay so jongin is also a hoe for soos spanish

 

 **bunmyeon** : good to fucking know.

 

 **kvngkris** : the plot twist-

 

 **prod.loey** : plot: twisted

 

 **bacongang** : WELL.

 

 **bacongang** : THIS CERTAINLY WAS AN INTERESTING TURN OF EVENTS.

 

 **hunhoe** : okay but soo went OFF

 

 **luhung** : AGAIN.

 

 **hunhoe** : he really said "well i can speak spanish as well stupidass. now do me a favor in shutting the hell up. bitchass shit eater."

 

 **donotdisturb** : close enough

 

 **digidae** : this ain't over kyungsoo

 

 **donotdisturb** : sure it isn't

 

 **donotdisturb** : cabrón >:)

 

 **digidae** : i will refrain from responding.

 

 **digidae** : to spare my boyfriend

 

 **digidae** : and you guys from having to witness that again.

 

 **donotdisturb** : make no mistake, que te mato, si tratas esa estupidez otra vez.

 

 **digidae** : I'M A BAD BITCH YOU CAN'T KILL ME

 

 **kvngkris** : i think kyungsoo just threatened to kill him?

 

 **hunhoe** : he most certainly did

 

 **luhung** : according to kyungsoo, jongdae will be slaughtered if he tries this shit again.

 

 **digidae** : sounds about right.

 

 **hunhoe** : caso cerrado with subtitles > rosetta stone

 

 **luhung** : caso cerrado is the superior spanish teacher

 

 **maryxing** : can we please focus

 

 **kvngkris** : food. food. food. food. food. food. food.

 

 **prod.loey** : and on that note. breakfast.

 

 **donotdisturb** : PLEASE. WE'VE BEEN WAITING.

 

 **bacongang** : also jongdae go and get minseok down here

 

 **digidae** : he is a bit indisposed :D

 

 **bacongang** : i'm scared to ask for you to elaborate-

 

 **digidae** : he can't walk at the moment.

 

 **taozi** : what the fuck

 

 **bunmyeon** : ...no comment

 

 **luhung** : honestly, i'm not surprised

 

 **bacongang** : unfortunately, neither am i.

 

 **kvngkris** : ^

 

 **prod.loey** : ^^

 

 **donotdisturb** : well the rest of us ARE surprised and mildly HORRIFIED.

 

 **maryxing** : were you trying to kill him or something ?

 

 **yokaiwatch** : what in fuckin' tarnation-

 

 **hunhoe** : the yeehaw jumped out

 

 **luhung** : may the yeehaw be with you, young padawan

 

 **bacongang** : anyway.

 

 **bacongang** : jongdae.

 

 **digidae** : baekhyun.

 

 **bacongang** : i raised you better than this.

 

 **digidae** : WE LITERALLY GREW UP TOGETHER

 

 **bacongang** : THAT'S NOT THE POINT DUMBASS.

 

 **bacongang** : CARRY YOUR POOR BOYFRIEND DOWN HERE RIGHT FUCKING NOW

 

 **digidae** : WELL MAYBE I DON'T WANNA

 

 **bacongang** : do it, you USED WET NAPKIN

 

 **digidae** : NO, YOU BUSTED MOLDY TORTILLA

 

 **yokaiwatch** : what the actual FUCK are these insults omg.

 

 **prod.loey** : dae stop being a pain in the ass and do it

 

 **taozi** : please jongdae.

 

 **donotdisturb** : the fucking potheads are whining so fucking LOUD for the food.

 

 **maryxing** : WE DEMAND TO BE FED

 

 **kvngkris** : POTHEAD RIGHTS !!!

 

 **digidae** : jeez i was gonna go anyway

 

 **digidae** : y'all didn't need to start begging damn.

 

 **bacongang** : who said anyone was begging, asswipe

 

 **digidae** : you did, pissfuck

 

 **prod.loey** : SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GO

 

 **digidae** : alright i'm going damn

 

 **donotdisturb** : y'all are such clowns

 

 **bunmyeon** : so are you

 

 **donotdisturb** blocked **bunmyeon**

 

 **bunmyeon** : seriously

 

 **luhung** : not again jfc.

 

 **donotdisturb** blocked **luhung**

 

 **luhung** : I FUCKING BREATHED.

 

 **kvngkris** : LMFAOOOOOOOO

 

 **donotdisturb** : y'all hear sumn ? :P

 

 **bunmyeon** : maybe one day, we'll stop straying further from god. one day.


	8. vroom vroom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bad driving and attack on old people

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woahhhhh it's been a while lol.  
> it's been a few days but man my work schedule was whack, i was running on monster non stop for the past couple of days and then last night i saw bts, legendary (yes i kno im the biggest multi i swear to GOD). anyway. ill try to keep updating regularly :)

_idk what this is yet_

 

 **maryxing** : if you guys didn't already know

 

 **maryxing** : jun is the WORST driver known to man

 

 **prod.loey** : we know yixing

 

 **digidae** : that's common knowledge

 

 **taozi** : jun IS the death trap, not the car.

 

 **maryxing** : we were just driving back from baek and daes house to junmyeon and kyungsoos apartment-

 

 **maryxing** : THAT'S A TEN MINUTE DRIVE

 

 **maryxing** : i aLMOST DIED sEVENTEEN TIMES

 

 **bunmyeon** : nEXT TIME YOU DRIVE

 

 **bacongang** : i can already imagine yixing slapping juns phone out of his hand

 

 **taozi** : he yeeted it

 

 **yokaiwatch** : yah yEET

 

 **digidae** : yixing is like a walking talking psa about texting and driving

 

 **donotdisturb** : it's not like he's wrong

 

 **donotdisturb** : no one should be texting and driving period

 

 **yokaiwatch** : we love a responsible king 😔✊🏼

 

 **maryxing** : thank yOFNCJKFFKMDJDJ

 

 **luhung** : jun must've swerved again smh

 

 **digidae** : he said: let's ride 😎

 

 **bacongang** : charli xcx             junmyeon

                                           🤝

                               "gays, roll out 🤩"

 

 **prod.loey** : junmyeon drives like he's from a fast and furious movie

 

 **pokemin** : he'll be drifting street corners as if he was dominic toretto lol

 

 **maryxing** : honestly jdjfifoskskskdjddjdjdjdj

 

 **bacongang** : HE DRIFTED ON CUE DAMN

 

 **luhung** : YIXING GET AHOLD OF YOURSELF AND YOUR PHONE OMG-

 

 **taozi** : GRAB YOUR HANDLE BAR HYUNG

 

 **maryxing** : i'm-

 

 **pokemin** : breathe xing. breathe.

 

 **maryxing** : [inhale]

 

 **maryxing** : WHO THE FUCK GAVE JUN HIS LICENSE

 

 **kvngkris** : the department of motor vehicles

 

 **maryxing** : I MEANT WHAT IDIOT LET HIM PASS THE EXAM TO BEGIN WITH

 

 **hunhoe** : an idiot, obviously.

 

 **maryxing** : i'm going to strangle ALL OF YOU.

 

 **donotdisturb** : welcome to my world yixing :)

 

 **maryxing** : I DON'T WANNA BE IN YOUR WORLD

 

 **maryxing** : IT SOUNDS STRESSFUL

 

 **pokemin** : this is highly entertaining

 

 **taozi** : this is ALWAYS entertaining

 

 **taozi** : especially bc xing is sober at the moment

 

 **hunhoe** : that's the BEST PART

 

 **maryxing** : I CAN ONLY HANDLE JUN'S DRIVING WHEN I'M FUCKING HIGH

 

 **maryxing** : STOP CLOWNING ME AND MY NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCES

 

 **luhung** : but clowning each other is in our job description, duh !

 

 **yokaiwatch** : imagine a world where we didn't roast one another

 

 **bacongang** : disgusting

 

 **digidae** : truly horrifying

 

 **donotdisturb** : absolutely terrifying

 

 **kvngkris** : that'd be boring as FUCK

 

 **yokaiwatch** : in conclusion: we shall continue the clowning

 

 **donotdisturb** : shit, look who just pulled up-

 

 **bunmyeon** : we have arrived bitches

 

 **hunhoe** : congratulations on not dying

 

 **prod.loey** : a round of applause for jun

 

 **donotdisturb** : for what?

 

 **donotdisturb** : not killing xing or anyone while driving?

 

 **prod.loey** : precisely

 

 **bacongang** : ...speaking of which, where is yixing

 

 **bunmyeon** : passed out in the car seat

 

 **pokemin** : you gave your OWN boyfriend a whole heart attack jfc

 

 **bunmyeon** : i've done NOTHING of the sort

 

 **kvngkris** : he's dead like miss keisha

 

 **bunmyeon** : NO, HE'S JUST s l e e p i n g.

 

 **bunmyeon** : but i don't feel like carrying him up to the apartment so…

 

 **bunmyeon** : bye felicia ! 🤪

 

 **digidae** : oh my fucking-

 

 **taozi** : that's so outdated myeon

 

 **digidae** : do us all a favor and get hip. PLEASE.

 

 **hunhoe** : old ass man 🤡

 

 **bunmyeon** : YOU'RE CALLING ME OLD WHEN YOU'RE LITERALLY DATING FUCKING FOSSILS

 

 **pokemin** : i-

 

 **luhung** : i-

 

 **kvngkris** : LISTEN YOU FUCKING MIDGET-

 

 **bacongang** : not this shit again

 

 **prod.loey** : lord give me strength-

 

 **kvngkris** : WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU CALLING OLD

 

 **bunmyeon** : YOU, WITH YOUR BRITTLE BONES

 

 **bunmyeon** : AND YOUR BUSTED ASS BACK THAT CRACKS EVERY TIME YOU BREATHE

 

 **taozi** : oh now you've done it jun

 

 **digidae** : you really tried it

 

 **hunhoe** : he done fucked up.

 

 **kvngkris** : '90 line we ride at NIGHTFALL

 

 **bacongang** : isn't it "we ride at dawn."

 

 **kvngkris** : WELL I CHANGED IT BC I'M NOT WAITING 'TILL TOMORROW TO FIGHT JUNMYEON

 

 **kvngkris** : anyway. let's try this again.

 

 **kvngkris** : '90 LINE WE RIDE AT NIGHTFALL

 

 **luhung** : brb lemme go and sharpen my knives

 

 **pokemin** : i'll pull up in the mustang, let's fucking GO

 

 **kvngkris** : get ready to catch these fucking hands junmyeon.

 

 **bunmyeon** : you don't want this smoke bitch 💅🏼

 

 **prod.loey** : OH HE BROUGHT OUT THE NAIL EMOJI

 

 **bacongang** : FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!

 

 **yokaiwatch** : i hate to break it to y'all but-

 

 **yokaiwatch** : you're all old as fuck

 

 **bacongang** : jongin: just signed his death wish

 

 **donotdisturb** : he isn't wrong you know

 

 **yokaiwatch** : bc minseok, luhan, and kris are only a year apart from junmyeon and yixing

 

 **yokaiwatch** : bottom line: all of you are old

 

 **kvngkris** : jun.

 

 **bunmyeon** : kris.

 

 **kvngkris** : temporary truce to take down the brat?

 

 **bunmyeon** : truce.

 

 **kvngkris** : '90 & '91 line we ride at NIGHTFALL

 

 **bunmyeon** : see you in twelve hours nini >:)

 

 **yokaiwatch** : UM-

 

 **yokaiwatch** : MAKNAE LINE, ASSEMBLE !

 

 **hunhoe** : lmfao you're on your own this time buddy

 

 **taozi** : nice try jongin lol

 

 **hunhoe** : my man makes y'all look old cuz he don't even AGE

 

 **yokaiwatch** : soo :(

 

 **donotdisturb** : yes nini

 

 **yokaiwatch** : the [redacted] people are lynching me tonight

 

 **yokaiwatch** : pls save me

 

 **donotdisturb** : i-

 

 **donotdisturb** : fine.

 

 **donotdisturb** : i'll be there in twenty nini

 

 **kvngkris** : HE DOESN'T SCARE US

 

 **bunmyeon** : WE STILL RIDE AT NIGHTFALL

 

 **kvngkris** : we FINNA FIGHT

 

 **bunmyeon** : IT'S FIGHT NIGHT BITCHES

 

 **luhung** : IMMA KNOCK THE BUSSY OUT LIKE FIGHT NIGHT

 

 **pokemin** : HIT IT WITH THE LEFT

 

 **luhung** : HIT IT WITH THE RIGHT

 

 **pokemin** : IMMA KNOCK THE BUSSY OUT LIKE FIGHT NIGHT

 

 **digidae** : they channeled their inner migos LMAO

 

 **taozi** : Y'ALL REALLY CHANGED IT TO BUSSY I'M-

 

 **bacongang** : i wish i could BREATHE

 

 **luhung** : in this day in age you gotta use the right terminology

 

 **luhung** : we aren't trying to offend anyone

 

 **pokemin** : therefore...

 

 **pokemin** : we have a [bussy]

 

 **pokemin** : also known as a [boochie]

 

 **bacongang** : I'M IN TEARS OMHKDJLSKSJ

 

 **hunhoe** : HE SAID "BOOCHIE" SKSKSKSK

 

 **yokaiwatch** : I CAN'T BREATHE-

 

 **taozi** renamed _idk what this is yet_ to _boochie gang_

 

 **prod.loey** : JONGDAE LMAOOOOO

 

 **bacongang** : THE DUMBASS FELL OFF THE COUCH

 

 **bacongang** : LITERALLY LAUGHING HIS ASS OFF

 

 **luhung** : THE CACKLE THAT TAO LET OUT I'M FUCKING DEAD-

 

 **taozi** : i'm merely proud of my comedic genius

 

 **pokemin** : 'lil pump, WHO ?

 

 **taozi** : 'lil bao and tao zi in the HOUSE

 

 **pokemin** : yuh

 

 **taozi** : brrrr

 

 **kvngkris** : oh hell no babe pls don't

 

 **luhung** : there's no stopping them now

 

 **hunhoe** : fuck this shit i'm out

 

 **bunmyeon** : we going ✈ wannabe soundcloud rappers

 

 **pokemin** : bao zi on the beat

 

 **luhung** : "BAO ZI ON THE BEAT" EX FUCKING CUSE ME LMFAOOOO

 

 **taozi** : yuh yuh yuh yuh

 

 **pokemin** : boochie gang, boochie gang, boochie gang, boochie gang

 

 **taozi** : (boochie gang)

 

 **pokemin** : spend three racks on a new game

 

 **taozi** : (yuh)

 

 **pokemin** : my boo love do propane, ooh

 

 **taozi** : (oooh)

 

 **pokemin** : i fuck my boo, i kno he fuck me too

 

 **taozi** : (brrr yuh)

 

 **pokemin** : i can't buy my boo no wedding ring

 

 **taozi** : (oooh)

 

 **pokemin** : rather go and buy plantains

 

 **taozi** : (brrr)

 

 **pokemin** : boochie gang, boochie gang, boochie gang, boochie gang

 

 **taozi** : (boochie gang)

 

 **hunhoe** : hE SAID PLANTAINS I'M FUKCIMGNG

 

 **digidae** : minNIE

 

 **pokemin** : yes baby ?

 

 **prod.loey** : he's fucking WHEEZING

 

 **bacongang** : HE CAN'T EVEN TYPE AHSJDKF

 

 **digidae** : pLEASE

 

 **prod.loey** : dAE IS CRYING I'M-

 

 **bacongang** : THE FUCKER IS ROLLING ON THE FLOOOOR IN TEARS LMAOOO

 

 **digidae** : just neVER SAY THAT AGAIN

 

 **digidae** : oR FREESTYLE FOR THAT MATTER

 

 **kvngkris** : yo yeol you should link seok and tao with the wannabe rappers from jaemins party

 

 **yokaiwatch** : the hot sauce kids ?

 

 **hunhoe** : yeahhh i think they were called the sriracha kids ?

 

 **taozi** : no no i think their name was 3racha

 

 **kvngkris** : yeah yeah them!

 

 **prod.loey** : actually that's a good idea hmm

 

 **luhung** : y-you want minnie to rap with a bunch of kiddie soundcloud rappers

 

 **yokaiwatch** : not gonna lie… minseok can rap

 

 **yokaiwatch** : it's just that freestyle ain't his forte

 

 **pokemin** : only bc i will admit that i can't freestyle for shit

 

 **pokemin** : is why that half assed compliment just saved your ass, jongin.

 

 **hunhoe** : damn he really was about to murder you

 

 **bacongang** : minseok: not gonna lie, they had us in  the first half

 

 **digidae** : bAEK PLEASE DKKDKD

 

 **bacongang** : STFU YOU'RE STILL CRYING AND LAUGHING ON THE FLOOR

 

 **prod.loey** : minseok hyung come collect your man pls

 

 **pokemin** : i can't, im omw to work 💀

 

 **bacongang** : dae is fucking POUTING

 

 **digidae** : cuz i miss my baby :(((

 

 **pokemin** : it's a short shift today okay, i'll be back soon dae <3

 

 **digidae** : kay hyungie :)

 

 **bunmyeon** : wait wtf minnie its sunday

 

 **pokemin** : yeah and?

 

 **bunmyeon** : why are you going to work, you get weekends off

 

 **pokemin** : some headass called out sick bc they got wasted

 

 **luhung** : i bet you it's that dipshit jungsoo the dumbass always fucking calls out

 

 **pokemin** : i think it was him i honestly wasn't paying a lot of attention to our manager.

 

 **luhung** : why the fuck would you not pay attention to mr. kang-

 

 **pokemin** : i wAS BUSY WITH OTHER THINGS oKAY

 

 **luhung** : forget i even ASKED.

 

 **bunmyeon** : smfh

 

 **pokemin** : ANYWAY.

 

 **pokemin** : they need me to cover their shift for a few hours.

 

 **yokaiwatch** : damn i forgot that old people have to work

 

 **pokemin** : -.-

 

 **luhung** : do you want to die

 

 **kvngkris** : fr tho ^

 

 **bunmyeon** : i'll get the knives-

 

 **donotdisturb** : jongin it's like you WANT to die jfc.

 

 **yokaiwatch** : wbk that i have a death wish 🤩

 

 **hunhoe** : well you aren't allowed to die dumbass

 

 **hunhoe** : then who the fuck is gonna be my damn roommate in this ugly ass dorm

 

 **yokaiwatch** : damn i forgot about you

 

 **hunhoe** : BITCH EXCUSE ME

 

 **bacongang** : bJFJCJJKF HIS WIG JUST GOT SNATCHED

 

 **taozi** : his weave FLEW sis !

 

 **luhung** : sehun has the most clapped ass look on his face right now

 

 **digidae** : JONGIN REALLY FORGOT HIS OWN ROOMMATE AND BEST FRIEND LMAOOO

 

 **yokaiwatch** : hyungs pls spare me i'm sorry i called you old i have to provide for this child

 

 **pokemin** : ...

 

 **kvngkris** : we'll think about it.

 

-

 

_old but gold_

 

 **kvngkris** : is he forgiven

 

 **luhung** : he is FORGIVEN.

 

 **luhung** : ONLY BC sehun fucking broke my back like an hour ago i am in no condition to commit murder

 

 **pokemin** : same here 💀

 

 **kvngkris** : ...anyway.

 

 **kvngkris** : jun? xing?

 

 **bunmyeon** : xing is still um passed out but-

 

 **kvngkris** : jfc jun

 

 **bunmyeon** : yes, he's off the hook

 

 **bunmyeon** : if he dies then who's gonna feed sehun :(

 

 **kvngkris** : certainly not han, he would blow up the kitchen in a heartbeat

 

 **luhung** : HEY-

 

 **bunmyeon** : exactly.

 

 **bunmyeon** : i wouldn't want our baby to starve 😔

 

 **pokemin** : what baby

 

 **pokemin** : that hoe just fucked luhan an hour ago-

 

 **bunmyeon** : MY POINT STILL STANDS

 

-

 

_boochie gang_

 

 **kvngkris** : you are…

 

 **hunhoe** : NOT THE FATHER

 

 **taozi** : SKSKSKS SEHUN-

 

 **hunhoe** : I HAD DO IT.

 

 **kvngkris** : anyway.

 

 **kvngkris** : you have been forgiven.

 

 **yokaiwatch** : i knew y'all wouldn't kill me anyway 😎

 

 **donotdisturb** : jongin, stop while you're ahead, damn.


	9. hold me down (english ver.)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> day one back at work and kris is already beefin with miss ari.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> inspired by that one lawsuit line tweet + whoever on my twitter rt'd this old tweet of kris when he sees arianas tattoo. and well-  
> this was the product.

_let's do it baby i know the law_

 

**kvngkris** : babe and kindofamidget i need assistance

 

**taozi** : what's up ?

 

**kvngkris** : a bitch really tried it today and i'm-

 

**kvngkris** : pissed.

 

**luhung** : the way you expect me to help you after calling me a midget is HILARIOUS.

 

**kvngkris** : i said KIND OF

 

**kvngkris** : you're taller than the true midgets aka

 

**kvngkris** : soo, baek, dae, min and jun

 

**luhung** : ...that was an acceptable answer.

 

**kvngkris** : also i need you to come scoop me and tao after class before i strangle someone.

 

**luhung** : ugh fine. i'll be there at eight, on the dot.

 

**luhung** : now, what's going on.

 

**kvngkris** : y'all know how the music department heads are doing that international exchange program with music department heads from the states

 

**luhung** : i know about it but...

 

**luhung** : i don't get why they're doing it.

 

**taozi** : baek told me about it

 

**taozi** : he said it was pretty stupid.

 

**kvngkris** : yeah it's fucking wack.

 

**kvngkris** : it's supposed to show the students how producers, composers, lyricists, vocalists and rappers all come together in the music making process.

 

**luhung** : well damn.

 

**kvngkris** : but they should've done this with the student's instead.

 

**taozi** : that's pretty dumb tbh

 

**taozi** : but i'm guessing they want y'all who are professionals to show them how it's done before they do it themselves.

 

**kvngkris** : i guess.

 

**kvngkris** : but yeah… chanyeol and i got assigned this dumbass project.

 

**kvngkris** : the producers teaching music prod. iii from snu get paired up with the vocalists teaching vocal iii back over at julliard

 

**taozi** : ...okay

 

**kvngkris** : so yeol gets fuckin' TINASHE, whew chileee

 

**taozi** : …

 

**luhung** : your bisexual ass done fucked up

 

**kvngkris** : TAO BABY PLEASE YOU'RE BETTER THAN HER IN EVERY WAY

 

**taozi** : yay:D

 

**kvngkris** : 😔💞

 

**luhung** : nice save there dumbass.

 

**kvngkris** : ANYWAYS. -.-

 

**kvngkris** : so homegirl has been known to be an angel to work with, a vocal legend.

 

**luhung** : that's actually facts i've heard about her through baek and dae

 

**kvngkris** : RIGHT.

 

**kvngkris** : and then i got paired up with this bimbo named ariana.

 

**taozi** : i'm sorry WHAT-

 

**kvngkris** : yeah that weirdo who fucking wears hoodies three times her size

 

**luhung** : um-

 

**kvngkris** : and she washes her sweater paws in the  fucking sink-

 

**luhung** : yifan sweetie-

 

**taozi** : that is NO bimbo

 

**kvngkris** : YES SHE FUCKING IS.

 

**taozi** : i love you SO much but.

 

**taozi** : NO.

 

**luhung** : yeah um no kris this ain't a game she's not just anybody we're talking about

 

**luhung** : just to make sure we're talking about the same person

 

**taozi** : AS IF WE NEED ANYMORE CONFIRMATION-

 

**kvngkris** : SHE FUCKING GETS SO ANNOYING ABOUT HER LAST NAME TOO

 

**kvngkris** : "it's gran-DEE not gran-dae"

 

**luhung** : oh my FUCK

 

**taozi** : I TOLD YOU WE DIDN'T NEED MORE CONFIRMATION

 

**kvngkris** : she was soundin' like a whole ass hermione granger

 

**kvngkris** : "it's le-VI-oh-sah not levio-SAAA"

 

**luhung** : DID YOU JUST MAKE AN HP REFERENCE

 

**kvngkris** : AND WHAT ABOUT IT

 

**kvngkris** : I CAN'T HELP IT BECAUSE TAO IS THE BIGGEST POTTERHEAD

 

**taozi** : guilty as charged

 

**luhung** : clearly you have no taste since you're dating a dumbass and stan harry potter

 

**luhung** : the percy jackson series remains superior

 

**luhung** : miss annabeth chase is the baddest bitch

 

**taozi** : LISTEN HORRE-

 

**kvngkris** : BACK TO THE FUCKING WEIRDO

 

**luhung** : god if you're out there

 

**luhung** : please give yifan some brain cells and common sense

 

**kvngkris** : THE BITCH WAS BEING SO FUCKING SNOTTY

 

**kvngkris** : SHE'S SUCH A PUNK ASS KID

 

**taozi** : babe she's twenty five

 

**luhung** : she's GROWN as fuck yifan.

 

**kvngkris** : does it look like i give a fuck?

 

**kvngkris** : cuz i don't.

 

**kvngkris** : she really has the attitude of a prissy five year old and acts like an airhead high schooler.

 

**luhung** : i doubt that-

 

**kvngkris** : SHE WOULDN'T EVEN FUCKING TALK TO ME DIRECTLY

 

**kvngkris** : "scooter tell the producer that i'm only doing one take."

 

**kvngkris** : "and the lyrics better not be fucking stupid."

 

**luhung** : that's messed up… what the hell.

 

**kvngkris** : I'M OVER HERE LIKE BITCH I'M RIGHT FUCKING HERE.

 

**kvngkris** : I CAN HEAR YOU I DON'T NEED YOUR BITCH ASS MANAGER TO REPEAT THE EXACT SAME SHIT.

 

**kvngkris** : WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT I SAID TO HER

 

**luhung** : you did not get in a fight with the ariana grande omfg-

 

**taozi** : kris please tell me you're joking.

 

**kvngkris** : I AM NOT.

 

**kvngkris** : AND THEN THE BITCH SAID I WASN'T EVEN REMOTELY FUCKING RELEVANT TO BE TALKING TO BECAUSE MY MUSIC WAS SHIT AND MY SOUNDCLOUD AND INSTAGRAM FOLLOWING WERE B O T S.

 

**luhung** : oooh fuck.

 

**taozi** : this has be a joke right

 

**luhung** : i-

 

**taozi** : this HAS to be a joke.

 

**luhung** : except it ain't-

 

**kvngkris** : you know i really wish it was.

 

**kvngkris** : bc i'm not gonna lie she is talented.

 

**kvngkris** : but her attitude is fucking gross.

 

**luhung** : yeah that really ain't it.

 

**taozi** : ...this is really happening huh...

 

**kvngkris** : to top it all off she's still fucking mad that november rain did better than her song "thank you, next" for like two seconds.

 

**kvngkris** : this is absolute bullshit and i said let's put our differences aside. and finish this project.

 

**kvngkris** : she didn't even TRY she fuckin' walked out.

 

**taozi** : ...what the actual fuck ?

 

**luhung** : NAH FUCK ARIANA, WE DON'T STAN HER PROBLEMATIC ASS NO MORE.

 

**luhung** : RALLY UP THE TROOPS

 

**luhung** : THIS IS WAR.

 

-

 

_boochie gang_

 

**luhung** : RATS

 

**digidae** : [intense zoom in on my face]

 

**digidae** : WHO ?

 

**luhung** : LISTEN THE FUCK UP.

 

**bacongang** : luhan you better have a good reason for this shit because i swear.

 

**bacongang** : i have to teach vocal lessons to the brats tomorrow

 

**digidae** : yeah man tomorrow is tuesday i gotta do the damn lesson with baek

 

**digidae** : i'm trying to sleeeeep at a decent time tonight

 

**donotdisturb** : for once i'm with them i got a long day at the studio tomorrow, the fuck you want ?

 

**luhung** : [screenshot]

 

**luhung** : [screenshot]

 

**luhung** : [screenshot]

 

**prod.loey** : oh shit i thought he was kidding

 

**taozi** : YOU KNEW ABOUT THIS

 

**prod.loey** : yeah but it was fucking ariana, tao come on

 

**prod.loey** : you probably didn't even believe him at first

 

**prod.loey** : and maybe you were a stan until like two seconds ago when yifan told you this

 

**taozi** : i-

 

**pokemin** : dude he is a stan. we all are.

 

**pokemin** : i'm sorry, *we were stans. past tense.

 

**luhung** : yeah we went to her underground concert in 78th Music Hall last summer.

 

**pokemin** : but with this whole thing that just happened, i'm really regretting that concert.

 

**luhung** : absolutely disgusting.

 

**bacongang** : oh hell naw

 

**digidae** : she's catching HANDS.

 

**hunhoe** : hold up. who is she ?

 

**taozi** : ariana grande

 

**yokaiwatch** : the short girl with the big pony tail

 

**pokemin** : she's always squinting like she needs a pair of glasses

 

**bacongang** : she always wears oversized sweaters and hoodies

 

**digidae** : she's been blowin' up lately

 

**hunhoe** : ...still don't have a clue

 

**luhung** : ...sehunnie. you went to her fucking concert with us…

 

**taozi** : we walked for thirty minutes in the hood

 

**bacongang** : before we LITERALLY went underground into this club

 

**hunhoe** : OH that concert

 

**luhung** : yes baby keep up.

 

**hunhoe** : honestly i wasn't paying attention at all to the concert

 

**hunhoe** : you were wearing those pants that make your ass look good

 

**luhung** : my ass did look stupid thicc that night ;)

 

**bunmyeon** : i always open this damn group chat at the worst times jeez.

 

**donotdisturb** : me too jun, me too.

 

**maryxing** : what's going on now...

 

**yokaiwatch** : from what i've read, it looks like we've unstanned ariana-

 

**maryxing** : ohhh shit the famous chick from vocal iii ?

 

**prod.loey** : yeah yeah her. all of music department heads have somewhat of a following somewhere

 

**prod.loey** : but she's got a MASSIVE following.

 

**donotdisturb** : i heard she got a sponsorship deal

 

**donotdisturb** : with fucking STARBUCKS.

 

**kvngkris** : BITCH HER DRINK AIN'T EVEN THAT GOOD.

 

**kvngkris** : SHE REALLY DE-SWEETENED AN ICED CARAMEL MACCHIATO

 

**kvngkris** : AND THEN PUT A FUCKING FOAM MADE OUT OF POWDERED EGG WHITES AND VANILLA ON TOP

 

**pokemin** : i mean it doesn't sound THAT bad

 

**bacongang** : okay but how do you even know this-

 

**kvngkris** : my bro jackson wang works at the starbucks across the street from uni

 

**kvngkris** : he told me all about the new drink that's going up next week.

 

**maryxing** : i'm still trying to comprehend-

 

**yokaiwatch** : this yifan versus ariana sitch ?

 

**maryxing** : yes, THAT.

 

**bunmyeon** : that's a big fat fucking mess-

 

**digidae** : the simulation GLITCHED.

 

**luhung** : as i was saying.

 

**luhung** : we're gonna fight her.

 

**bunmyeon** : seeing luhan stand up for kris is almost as surprising

 

**bunmyeon** : as kris getting in a fight with a famous person

 

**yokaiwatch** : right ?

 

**luhung** : y'all roasting me but i'm serious we gon fight this bitch

 

**bacongang** : uh no the fuck we're not

 

**digidae** : yeah han. that ain't happening.

 

**donotdisturb** : she's FAMOUS famous

 

**donotdisturb** : come on lu, you know this.

 

**luhung** : i don't give a FLYING FUCK

 

**prod.loey** : yeah i dunno man she could fuck with our careers, i don't want that.

 

**luhung** : FUCK THAT BITCH !

 

**hunhoe** : babe calm down please-

 

**luhung** : NO.

 

**maryxing** : he seems more angry about this than yifan is.

 

**kvngkris** : i am angry i'm just keeping it all in rn.

 

**taozi** : the receipts from the _let's do it baby i know the law_ group chat say otherwise.

 

**kvngkris** : I WAS VENTING

 

**kvngkris** : MY FRUSTRATION HAD TO GO SOMEWHERE DAMN IT.

 

**pokemin** : in other words

 

**pokemin** : he gotta protect his fake ass chill rapper image xing, keep up

 

**maryxing** : my bad i forgot that to everyone else you're not a crackhead 😔

 

**kvngkris** : shUT up omg

 

**luhung** : besides i'm not saying to actually fight her.

 

**luhung** : let's do this class clown style 🤪

 

**bacongang** : you summoned us?

 

**digidae** : we have arrived bitch >:)

 

**luhung** : there we go. i'm saying let's prank this hoe.

 

**bacongang** : we like your thinking

 

**digidae** : we like your thinking

 

**prod.loey** : oh shit they've become o n e

 

**bacongang** : we are one

 

**digidae** : we are one

 

**pokemin** : the pranking demons have possessed them

 

**luhung** : GOOD.

 

-

 

private chat with **digidae**

 

**bacongang** : what's our pitch dae

 

**digidae** : i'm thinking let's hot glue her sleeves shut.

 

**bacongang** : bet. i'm also saying let's shrink all of her fucking sweatshirts.

 

**digidae** : also let's plastic wrap her toilet seat, kill the motherboard to her computer.

 

**bacongang** : and let's all bring our albums and burn them in her room.

 

**digidae** : sounds like a plan.

 

**bacongang** : do you know where she's staying ?

 

**digidae** : no idea.

 

**digidae** : but i'll do some recon on twitter.

 

**bacongang** : affirmative, bbh out.

 

**digidae** : chen out.

 

-

 

_boochie gang_

 

**bacongang** : we have

 

**digidae** : a plan.

 

**bacongang** : who's in.

 

**luhung** : me

 

**kvngkris** : ME BITCH

 

**digidae** : kris you can't be included

 

**bacongang** : to protect your placement in the program.

 

**kvngkris** : ...fine

 

**digidae** : your innocence is CRUCIAL

 

**bacongang** : it makes the prank ten times better.

 

**digidae** : it'll be more effective cuz you'll be getting under her skin

 

**kvngkris** : …i see.

 

**bacongang** : anyone else?

 

**prod.loey** : me

 

**bacongang** : yay !

 

**prod.loey** : gotta support my baby through anything 😤

 

**donotdisturb** : i'm in.

 

**hunhoe** : HUH

 

**yokaiwatch** : WHAT.

 

**donotdisturb** : don't act surprised.

 

**donotdisturb** : i helped their dumbasses out a couple of times back in high school

 

**bacongang** : we welcome you back with open arms kyuggie 💓

 

**digidae** : kyungsoo was a legend whew.

 

**hunhoe** : well me and jongin are in then

 

**yokaiwatch** : yeah yeah

 

**yokaiwatch** : soo you are so cool omg

 

**donotdisturb** : thanks nini :)

 

**bunmyeon** : well me and yixing are going up to my parents house on wednesday so we're gonna have to sit this one out :///

 

**maryxing** : yeah sorry guys :(((

 

**bacongang** : awe no mom

 

**digidae** : and no pothead dad :(((

 

**maryxing** : my crackhead children 😔

 

**taozi** : i'm gonna sit this one out as well.

 

**taozi** : just to keep yifan busy while y'all pull this off

 

**digidae** : that's a good idea.

 

**bacongang** : i'll keep you in the loop panda :)

 

**taozi** : thanks baekkk

 

**pokemin** : well i'm down.

 

**digidae** : YES MINNIE 😈

 

**bacongang** : CBX IS BACK BITCHES

 

**pokemin** : remember when we all pulled off that prank on the band kids

 

**pokemin** : THAT WAS ICONIC

 

**bacongang** : we are iconic

 

**digidae** : we are iconic

 

**prod.loey** : the soulmate energy you two radiate sometimes

 

**digidae** : me and baek are just SUPERIOR together

 

**bacongang** : we're just the BADDEST BITCHES period

 

**digidae** : the baddest perras 😤

 

**bacongang** : yesss estupidaaaa

 

**yokaiwatch** : we love skinny soulmate kings who stan louie castro 💅🏼

 

**hunhoe** : wbk baek and dae are cultured intellectuals

 

**digidae** : yes. yes we are :)

 

**bacongang** : okay.

 

**bacongang** : LET'S GET THIS SHOW ON THE ROAD HOES !

 

**luhung** : i already made the groupchat 🤩

 

-

 

**luhung** created a group

 

**luhung** named the group _shooters for kris_

 

**luhung** added **digidae, bacongang, prod.loey, pokemin, donotdisturb, yokaiwatch,** and **hunhoe** to _shooters for kris_

 

**bacongang** : thank you, lu

 

**luhung** : no problem hyunnie

 

**digidae** : we will convene tomorrow, everyone get some rest.

 

**donotdisturb** : g'night uglies

 

**yokaiwatch** : bye guys !!!

 

**hunhoe** : ^ buenas noches

 

**luhung** : cool it ricky martin

 

**hunhoe** : at least you compared me to a talented gay skinny legend.

 

**luhung** : well i had to say the truth yanno 🙄

 

**luhung** : anyhow, night !

 

**pokemin** : see y'all later

  
**prod.loey** : good night everyone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i want to make it clear i don't hate ariana but that shit her and her manager did to kris was just sad and disappointing. 
> 
> also SOONDINGIE NATION WAS FED SO WELL TODAY WHEW JONGDAE'S PHOTOSHOOT WAS IT.


	10. can't bring me down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> planning of the pranks + more crackheadedness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bro its been BRICKS since i've posted yikesss. ive been...busy. but surprised i graduated !!! and work has just been overwhelming-  
> anyway ill try to keep posting regularly

private chat with **taozi**

 

 **bacongang** : hey panda

 

 **taozi** : what's up baek

 

 **bacongang** : on thursday, after his music prod. iii class, can you take kris out on a date around the city ?

 

 **taozi** : why…

 

 **bacongang** : if he's in the public eye on security cams and interacting with his fans, then they can't pin this on him.

 

 **taozi** : OH. yeah yeah ofc.

 

 **bacongang** : thank youuuu.

 

 **taozi** : no prob.

 

-

 

_shooters for kris_

 

 **bacongang** : we've been tweaking this plan all night, but.

 

 **digidae** : first things first.

 

 **bacongang** : we need code names.

 

 **hunhoe** : are you serious.

 

 **luhung** : WE'RE NOT FIVE.

 

 **donotdisturb** : as stupid as it sounds it's part of protecting our identity in case we do get caught.

 

 **pokemin** : it's saved our asses quite a few times.

 

 **bacongang** : yeollie, lu, sehun and jongin need 'em

 

 **digidae** : just change your user to your "codename" once you've come up with one.

 

 **prod.loey** : uhhh okayyy

 

 **yokaiwatch** : i guess…

 

-

 

_boochie gang_

 

 **bunmyeon** : i'm not used to this chat being so quiet

 

 **kvngkris** : jun stfu don't wake them up

 

 **maryxing** : yes let's keep it quiet.

 

 **taozi** : some of y'all are about to be real mad.

 

 **taozi** : but it must be said.

 

 **taozi** : i'm bored as hell and i miss those dumbasses.

 

 **bunmyeon** : what are those idiots doing anyway

 

 **kvngkris** : do you really want to know jun…

 

 **bunmyeon** : not really it's just they practically live on this group chat...

 

 **maryxing** : basically he's saying like WHAT ELSE could they be doing

 

 **taozi** : uhhh maybe they're at work!

 

 **kvngkris** : and being "responsible" members of society? 🤩

 

 **bunmyeon** : sounds fake

 

 **maryxing** : perhaps tao is right !

 

 **prod.loey** changed their name to **yoda**

 

 **donotdisturb** changed their name to **pororo**

 

 **kvngkris** : what-

 

 **hunhoe** changed their name to **gringo**

 

 **yokaiwatch** changed their name to **bear**

 

 **bunmyeon** : the fuck-

 

 **luhung** changed their name to **deer**

 

 **pokemin** changed their name to **xiumin**

 

 **maryxing** : is going on-

 

 **bacongang** changed their name to **boss!bbh**

 

 **digidae** changed their name to **boss!chen**

 

 **taozi** : it has begun.

 

 **bunmyeon** : TF ???

 

-

 

_shooters for kris_

 

 **boss!bbh** : good.

 

 **boss!chen** : now-

 

 **gringo** : why the fuck did you call yourself chen

 

 **bear** : ^

 

 **boss!chen** : cuz me and minseokkie were transfer students in china for a year and those were our names.

 

 **xiumin** : yeah we went with yifan and luhan. coincidentally that's how we met tao.

 

 **deer** : let me STRESS how difficult that year was.

 

 **deer** : xiuchen over here, were pining after each other the entire time

 

 **boss!bbh** : i didn't have to be there to know that fucking SUCKED.

 

 **boss** ! **bbh** : well i was there for two weeks when i came to visit but-

 

 **boss!bbh** : it still sucked. y'all were complete IDIOTS.

 

 **boss!chen** : leave us alone asshole

 

 **xiumin** : yeah that's RICH coming from you, baek.

 

 **xiumin** : you and chanyeol weren't any better.

 

 **boss!bbh** : STFU RATS.

 

 **yoda** : WHAT THE FUCK IS UP MINNIE

 

 **xiumin** : the ceiling, dumbass

 

 **yoda** : no what did you say

 

 **xiumin** : the truth bitch 🤪

 

 **yoda** : WHAT THE FUCK DUDE

 

 **yoda** : STEP THE FUCK UP MINNIE

 

 **xiumin** : MAYBE I WILL-

 

 **bear** : anyway. continue, lu.

 

 **deer** : right right right. soooo.

 

 **deer** : kris spent 95% of the time acting like a love struck fool chasing after tao.

 

 **deer** : the headass once tried to hit on tao with this:

 

 **deer** : "every night you know you always look so fine"

 

 **deer** : "you’re just like a rock star"

 

 **deer** : "you know how fine you are. yeah!"

 

 **pororo** : wait a minute-

 

 **deer** : "imma take you to a secret place"

 

 **deer** : "drop the shades and crank the bass"

 

 **deer** : "hey boy, you know how to play (come play with me)"

 

 **pororo** : isn't that his lyrics to the star…

 

 **bear** : SHUT THE FUCK UPPP HE DID NOT SKSKSK

 

 **deer** : i kid you NOT.

 

 **yoda** : LU STOP PLAYING DKDJDJDJ

 

 **deer** : TAO STRAIGHT UP LOOKED AT HIM AND 360-IED HIS SHIT

 

 **deer** : he fucking tornado kicked his ass into oblivion 😭

 

-

 

_boochie gang_

 

 **bear** : lmaooo yifan, fuckin' loser

 

 **gringo** : we love a dumbass 🤩

 

 **kvngkris** : the fuck ???

 

-

 

_shooters for kris_

 

 **boss!bbh** : now that we have THAT out of the way.

 

 **boss!bbh** : let's get down to business.

 

 **boss!chen** : i don't got no time to play around what is this?

 

 **boss!bbh** : must be a circus in town, let's shut the shit down

 

 **boss!chen** on these clowns, can i get a witness?

 

 **boss!bbh** : hell yeah!

 

 **boss!bbh** : damn it dae we have to focus

 

 **boss**! **chen** : you right you right.

 

 **xiumin** : the eminem stans made a comeback 😔

 

 **deer** : i forgot dae went through a eminem phase in high school 🙄

 

 **yoda** : baek did too lmfao

 

 **yoda** : the time i walked in in him and dae headbanging to fucking lose yourself, whew.

 

 **boss**! **chen** : an era 🤩

 

 **boss!bbh** : an iconic time !

 

 **bear** : ...who is eminem

 

 **gringo** : what does he do…

 

 **yoda** : ...y'all are really that uncultured huh

 

 **boss!chen** : disgusting.

 

 **boss!bbh** : fetuses 🤮

 

 **pororo** : ANYWAY. back to the task at hand.

 

 **boss!bbh** : yes yes.

 

 **boss!chen** : so.

 

 **pororo** : so ???

 

 **boss!chen** : here's-

 

 **bear** : *tap tap*

 

 **gringo** : THE MOTHERFUCKIN'

 

 **bear** : *TAP TAP*

 

 **gringo** : TEA 🍵.

 

 **pororo** : if y'all quote that tik tok bitch one more time.

 

 **gringo** : you can't kill me i'm a bad bitch 🤪

 

-

 

 _boochie_ _gang_

 

 **gringo** : HERE'S

 

 **bear** : *tap tap*

 

 **gringo** : THE MOTHERFUCKIN'

 

 **bear** : *TAP TAP*

 

 **gringo** : TEA 🍵.

 

 **kvngkris** : what the FUCK is going on

 

 **taozi** : did y'all actually snort crack or sumn

 

 **taozi** : hELLO ???

 

-

 

_shooters for kris_

 

 **pororo** : no dinner tomorrow night.

 

 **pororo** : for EITHER of you.

 

 **gringo** : b-but i'm a growing boy-

 

 **pororo** : you're a grown ass man shut the fuck up.

 

 **bear** : kyunggie :(((

 

 **pororo** : no.

 

 **bear** : please kyunggie :(((

 

 **pororo** : ...FINE. i'll come over tonight and make you dinner.

 

 **bear** : yay thanks soo ily uwu <3

 

-

 

private chat with **gringo**

 

 **bear** : you can have the leftovers tonight after dinner

 

 **gringo** : THANK GOD

 

 **bear** : no thank ME dumbass

 

 **gringo** : i did thank you :D

 

 **gringo** : you're a god duh.

 

 **bear** : well in that case

 

 **bear** : you're a god too

 

 **gringo** : we're dancing gods. on PERIOD.

 

 **bear** : NO CAP.

 

-

 

_shooters for kris_

 

 **boss!bbh** : where did the maknaes go

 

 **pororo** : i don't wanna know tbh.

 

 **boss!chen** : MAKNAES SHOW YOURSELVES.

 

 **gringo** : YOU WILL REFER TO ME AS LORD SEHUN

 

 **bear** : AND I AM LORD JONGIN.

 

 **deer** : i don't know WHAT just happened but anyway.

 

 **yoda** : hit us with the [plan]

 

 **boss!bbh** : role assignments first.

 

 **boss!chen** : yeol you're gonna be our surveillance from inside the truck with lu. you'll be riding in the passenger seat.

 

 **boss!chen** : i'll be giving you a laptop programmed with cameras live feed from in and outside the building. to make sure we don't get caught.

 

 **yoda** : got it.

 

 **boss!bbh** : soo, you'll be our get away driver, your quick decision making on the road will get us out of jam if necessary.

 

 **soo** : mkay.

 

 **boss!bbh** : lu, you'll go with dae tomorrow to fuck with the live feed from the security office and help yeol with surveillance on d-day.

 

 **deer** : cool cool.

 

 **boss!chen** : hun and nini, you two will break in first with our supplies. you two are stealthier and can handle carrying more shit. you'll stand guard outside the room if anything happens.

 

 **gringo** : alrighttt.

 

 **bear** : okie

 

 **boss**! **bbh** : cbx will set the pranks throughout the apartment.

 

 **xiumin** : BET.

 

 **gringo** : damn mark is really rubbing off on him 🙄 talking like he's a high school freshman or sumn.

 

 **bear** : and that's the tea sis.

 

 **xiumin** : shut up, i'm tryna be hip 😎

 

 **deer** : minnie. stop please.

 

 **xiumin** : the haters gonna hate.

 

 **boss!chen** : 😳 anyway…

 

 **boss!bbh** : moving on…

 

 **boss!chen** : so. tomorrow (wednesday) me and lu are gonna break into the security office. before and after hours.

 

 **boss!chen** : in the morning we'll hack the computers and record the feed throughout the day. in the crackass of dawn the next day, we'll come back and take the feed we recorded and lu, you will edit it with your video editing software.

 

 **deer** : got it.

 

 **boss!bbh** : d-day is THURSDAY. clear your schedule.

 

 **yoda** : i'll leave the studio early

 

 **pororo** : ^ me too

 

 **bear** : our last class is over at four we should be good.

 

 **gringo** : yeah we'll be ready to go.

 

 **deer** : me and minnie can leave early

 

 **xiumin** : yeah we take lots of extra shifts and cover for mr. kang all the time so we should be good to go.

 

 **boss!chen** : good good.

 

 **boss!bbh** : yifan teaches that class again on thursday, so miss ari will be there as well. it's a three hour class block. afterwards, tao will have him and kris go on a date to kill time and be in public.

 

 **boss!bbh** : sehun and jongin, as soon as you get home. hop on the bus to cafe universe where seok and lu will take you to my house.

 

 **boss!bbh** : soo & yeol come to my place as soon as you get out of the studio

 

 **pororo** : yeol i'll ride with you on thursday afternoon.

 

 **yoda** : okay. i'll meet you in the second floor of the garage.

 

 **gringo** : we love man love a man who conserves the environment by carpooling

 

 **bear** : that's my man y'all 😔💞

 

 **boss!chen** : ...anygays. afterwards we'll use the van that's in [my/parent's] garage and we'll head over to miss ariana's apartment. the supplies and surveillance stuff will all be ready to go in the van.

 

 **boss!chen** : i'll go in first with lu through the back to start working in the security office. we will make a fake power outage and when the power comes back, we'll start playing the recorded security feed. lu will go out the back and let sehun and jongin in.

 

 **deer** : i let the children in and then what?

 

 **boss!chen** : go back to the van and help yeol with the surveillance.

 

 **deer** : alrighty.

 

 **boss!bbh** : then me and minseok will meet dae at the front door, who will let us in.

 

 **boss!bbh** : after that we'll head upstairs with jongin and sehun who will pick the door locks and we'll bust in.

 

 **gringo** : and that's when we stand guard outside right.

 

 **boss!bbh** : yes. then cbx will lay all the traps and set the pranks up. we should be in there for only ten minutes.

 

 **boss!bbh** : minnie, you'll be in charge of burning everyone's ari cds in her living room.

 

 **xiumin** : i'm gonna light it the fuck up.

 

 **bear** : hyung, pyromania is a serious issue, you should have that checked out 😔

 

 **xiumin** : shut the hell up brat -.-

 

 **boss!bbh** : i'll be in charge of taking all of the ends of her sleeves and hot gluing them shut.

 

 **boss!bbh** : and i might just casually… accidentally… leave a bunch of candy in her drawers 'n under the bed. i heard her building had an ant infestation last year. 🤡

 

 **pororo** : that's a good one baek. i approve.

 

 **deer** : are we surprised that his favorite is the sadistic prank.

 

 **gringo** : no.

 

 **xiumin** : nope.

 

 **yoda** : not really, no.

 

 **boss!dae** : and i will be booby trapping her bathroom and bedroom

 

 **boss!chen** : i'll also be uploading a virus into her computer 😈

 

 **yoda** : not gonna lie, the perv energy really jumped out in the last two.

 

 **boss!chen** : BITCH LEAVE ME ALONE, THAT'S BEYOND OUT OF CONTEXT.

 

 **boss!bbh** : dae. f o c u s.

 

 **boss!chen** : right right.

 

 **boss!chen** : after we're done, all of us are gonna head out the back and we'll meet you in the van

 

 **boss!bbh** : then we'll just drive back to our place. y'all can crash there or head home.

 

 **boss!bbh** : that is the plan.

 

 **deer** : hold the fuck up-

 

 **pororo** : what now-

 

 **boss!bbh** : what's up han?

 

 **deer** : what about the recorded security footage we can't just leave it there forever.

 

 **boss!chen** : i'm gonna leave a program on the hard drive that had a countdown timer on it.

 

 **boss!chen** : fifteen minutes after we leave, that timer should go off and the program will wipe the old recorded footage completely

 

 **gringo** : damn

 

 **boss!chen** : the security cameras should have brief black blip before it returns to its normal live feed.

 

 **boss!chen** : the only thing the security guards are gonna see is some boring ass feed and the occasional black screen bc of the power going out 🤪

 

 **boss!bbh** : you would've made an excellent hacker 😔

 

 **yoda** : or bank robber.

 

 **yoda** : dae could've been securing the bag right now.

 

 **deer** : he coulda had that coin-

 

 **boss!chen** : i know 😔

 

 **boss!chen** : but if i was a hacker then who would clown baekhyun's lower register in class 🤩

 

 **boss!bbh** : BITCHSJSKSK-

 

 **xiumin** : mayhaps he snapped-

 

 **yoda** : was he really lying tho-

 

 **boss!bbh** : cuddling rights: REVOKED.

 

 **boss!bbh** : FOR ALL THREE OF YOU.

 

 **pororo** : as if anyone would want to cuddle your bony ass

 

 **bear** : JDJSJSKDKDND

 

 **gringo** : anna ou-

 

 **boss!bbh** : EXCUSE ME

 

 **xiumin** : LMFAOOOOOO

 

 **boss!chen** : he came for your nECK SKSKSK

 

 **yoda** : KYUNGSOO apOLOGIZE TO MY BABY

 

 **pororo** : fuck no, i said pure facts 💅🏼

 

 **bear** : go off king !

 

 **boss!chen** : kyungsoo is being all bad bitch but let's be honest

 

 **boss!chen** : he's probably on his way to our house rn to cuddle baek 😔

 

 **pororo** : no.

 

 **pororo** : i don't know what you're talking about-

 

-

 

_boochie gang_

 

 **boss!chen** : hey junmyeon

 

 **bunmyeon** : ...yes?

 

 **boss!chen** : is kyungsoo home right now ?

 

 **bunmyeon** : no, he deadass just ran out the door-

 

 **kvngkris** : why do y'all even care ???

 

 **taozi** : ^

 

 **maryxing** : […]

 

 **taozi** : hello ???

 

 **kvngkris** : they fucking left AGAIN-

 

-

 

_shooters for kris_

 

 **boss!chen** : [screenshot]

 

 **boss!chen** : wbk i speak facts ONLY

 

 **deer** : damn he really just exposed soo like that-

 

 **boss!bbh** : h-he's coming over ? 🥺

 

 **boss!chen** : bitch shut up you knew this the second he started roasting you

 

 **gringo** : PFFFFFFT

 

 **xiumin** : sometimes soo can be just ass whipped for baek as he is for jongin

 

 **bear** : that is the truth.

 

 **bear** : one time baek was having separation anxiety when dae was in china-

 

 **bear** : kyungsoo stayed with baek for a week in his dorm and cuddled him to sleep every night.

 

 **boss!chen** : yessss i remember that!

 

 **boss!chen** : i facetimed him during that week

 

 **boss!chen** : and the first thing i said was "who's your human koala ???"

 

 **boss!chen** : said human koala fucking growled at my ass SKSKSKSK

 

 **yoda** : HE WHAT-

 

 **bear** : are we really surprised tho

 

 **bear** : this is my man we're talking about 😔

 

 **yoda** : i guess not.

 

 **boss!chen** : he then proceeded to threaten to murder me if i don't visit baekhyun within the next month

 

 **xiumin** : well that shit worked like a charm bc you flew out the next week.

 

 **deer** : DAMN Y'ALL SHOULD'VE SEEN HOW FAST DAE PACKED HIS BAGS-

 

 **deer** : that hoe BOLTED the fuck outta the dorm

 

 **boss!chen** : don't clown my dedication to my best friend

 

 **boss!chen** : he missed me okay

 

 **boss!bbh** : i missed him you roach don't roast him 😔

 

 **boss!chen** : i love you rat

 

 **boss!bbh** : i love you too bitch <3

 

 **gringo** : HOLD ON HOLD ON

 

 **gringo** : where was chanyeol the entire time this was happening

 

 **yoda** : UM.

 

 **boss!chen** : YES CHANYEOL.

 

 **boss!chen** : WHERE WERE YOU ?

 

 **xiumin** : [COUGH COUGH]

 

 **deer** : we don't speak of this 🙄

 

 **bear** : oh the TEA ?

 

 **yoda** : KDJDFJDJ THERE'S NO TEA OKAY SHUT UP

 

 **boss!chen** : children this is the forbidden tea, 'tis for another day

 

 **bear** : dae not spilling the tea bc it's about his best friends, i respect it.

 

 **gringo** : a respectful skinny king 😔 we stan

 

 **boss!chen** : thank you :D

 

 **boss!bbh** : not that any of you care.

 

 **boss!bbh** : bc y'all are tea spilling whores but-

 

 **bear** : i-

 

 **gringo** : um-

 

 **boss!bbh** : kyungsoo has officially arrived with cuddles. fuck y'all.

 

 **yoda** : I'M LITERALLY RIGHT HERE-

 

 **boss!bbh** : no one told you to stay at the damn studio, the fuck.

 

 **deer** : damn he told you.

 

 **xiumin** : whew, he went OFF.

 

 **yoda** : i-

 

 **yoda** : i'm omw

 

 **gringo** : FUCKING WHIPPED.

 

 **gringo** : ALL OF YOU.

 

 **deer** : i'm heading to your dorm with pizza.

 

 **gringo** : oh okie !!!

 

 **gringo** : dank you !!!

 

 **gringo** : i can't wait to see you lu :)

 

 **gringo** : uwu ily <3

 

 **bear** : BITKCJDKDK YOU'RE JUST AS WHIPPED-

 

 **boss!chen** : and on that note. that concludes our meeting.

 

 **boss!chen** : see y'all tomorrow/thursday!

 

 **deer** : i'm lowkey hyped for this

 

 **bear** : woo hoo !

 

 **gringo** : i'm kind of excited skskjdjdk

 

 **xiumin** : the clownery begins 🤪

 

 **boss!chen** : let's ride bitches.

 

 **boss!bbh** : cue charli xcx's vroom vroom

 

 **yoda** : [sent a video]

 

 **xiumin** : wHY DO YOU ALWAYS SEND THAT VIDEO SLDKDSJSKS

 

 **deer** : I LOST HALF A LUNG WHEN I SAW THAT A DOG WAS DRIVING THE CAR FUCKFKNF-

 

 **bear** : THAT DOG WENT SKRT SKRT ON THE ICE

 

 **gringo** : that dog and jun radiate the same shitty driving energy

 

-

 

_boochie gang_

 

 **bunmyeon** : ...why do i have a feeling that someone's talking shit about my driving

 

 **maryxing** : okay but are they wrong tho…

  
**bunmyeon** : #yixingiscancelledparty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ARE Y'ALL READY FOR THE CHANHUN COMEBACK IN JULY AND BAEKHYUNS SOLO DEBUT- AND JONGDAE SAID HE PLANNED TO COMEBACK IN SEPTEMBER WHEWWWWW


	11. off the wall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aftermath of the ari pranks -> more yelling and crackheadedness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im half asleep and wrote this at 3 am when im sick. i apologize for the spelling mistakes and such :)

_boochie gang_

 

 **kvngkris** : …

 

 **kvngkris** : you idiots

 

 **kvngkris** : are on the fucking NEWS.

 

 **bunmyeon** : FJFJDJ WHAT-

 

 **kvngkris** : they're on every kboo gossip outlet.

 

 **bunmyeon** : i can't decide if i should be glad or mad that we're outta town.

 

 **maryxing** : are they actually on the news ???

 

 **taozi** : well not exactly-

 

 **kvngkris** : "Ariana Grande's apartment was booby trapped last night, no traces of the perpetrators left behind."

 

 **boss!bbh** : we're just that fucking good.

 

 **boss!chen** : and that's on PERIODT. 😌💅🏼

 

 **xiumin** : bro we made it on, dispatch, allkpop and koreaboo what the fuck-

 

 **deer** : yeah but no one trusts those fuckers anyway.

 

 **gringo** : AND they don't have anything on us

 

 **yoda** : obviously since the dean hasn't started pointing any fingers yet.

 

 **taozi** : that's a whole miracle on it's own.

 

 **bear** : can we please talk about how in the interview ari said kris was the one behind it and-

 

 **gringo** : jongin really can't breathe that's how funny he finds this shit

 

 **bear** : sHE REALLY TRIED IT BC KRIS' FANS CLEARED HIS NAME IN THIRTY MINUTES SJSJSJSM

 

 **yoda** : okay but meigeni's are a force of nature what did you expect

 

 **kvngkris** : my fans snapped ! 🤩

 

 **taozi** : this hoe took so many pictures with them last night it wasn't even a date

 

 **pororo** : wasn't that the POINT ?

 

 **taozi** : yeah but still :(

 

 **kvngkris** : i'll make it up to you baby.

 

 **kvngkris** : i promise 💓

 

 **taozi** : okay :)

 

 **bear** : ew

 

 **gringo** : gross

 

 **taozi** : shut your stupid asses up.

 

 **taozi** : i heard you two almost blew everyone's cover last night

 

 **bear** : i-

 

 **gringo** : …

 

 **deer** : don't attack my baby like that tao, it was cute.

 

 **deer** : he was defending my honor 😤

 

 **boss!bbh** : that shit wasn't even remotely cute

 

 **boss!chen** : the fact that you brats had a fight over who's boyfriend was cuter-

 

 **xiumin** : is SAD.

 

 **yoda** : not to mention you picked the WORST time to have that fucking argument.

 

 **yoda** : fucking earraped the comms with your stupid bullshit

 

 **bunmyeon** : i think the sad part is that none of us are even surprised that this happened

 

 **gringo** : okay but can you blame me

 

 **gringo** : that roach had the audacity to say that kyungsoo is cuter than MY luhan.

 

 **bear** : THAT'S BECAUSE HE IS.

 

 **gringo** : NO HE ISN'T, THE FUCK ???

 

 **bear** : IS TOO

 

 **gringo** : IS NOT

 

 **maryxing** : let's cast a vote to kick the maknaes out of the groupchat !

 

 **boss!bbh** : i'll do you one better.

 

 **boss!bbh** kicked **gringo** out of _boochie gang_

 

 **bear** : HEY WAYMENT-

 

 **boss!bbh** kicked **bear** out of _boochie gang_

 

-

 

_shooters for kris_

 

 **gringo** : LET US BACK IN !

 

 **bear** : WE HAVE RIGHTS !

 

 **boss!bbh** : y'all hear sumn ???

 

-

 

_boochie gang_

 

 **maryxing** : go off baek!

 

 **yoda** : my man: the skinniest legend

 

 **boss!bbh** : that's me bitches :D

 

 **bunmyeon** : some peace and quiet

 

 **bunmyeon** : thank god.

 

 **pororo** : that's a fucking farse and you know it.

 

 **taozi** : right, like deadass a whole beagle line exists

 

 **yoda** : HOLD THE FUCK UP-

 

 **boss!bbh** : EXCUSE ME-

 

 **boss!chen** : OFFENSE: TAKEN.

 

 **kvngkris** : the fact that you idiots know that you're the beagle line

 

 **kvngkris** : is even WORSE.

 

 **deer** : my question is

 

 **deer** : who even gave baek admin rights

 

 **taozi** : honestly, he's like the king of the beagle line jfc-

 

 **boss!bbh** : i mAdE the damn groupchat

 

 **boss!bbh** : OF COURSE I HAVE ADMIN RIGHTS.

 

 **bunmyeon** : YOU DON'T /DESERVE/ ADMIN RIGHTS

 

 **boss!chen** : heY HEY HOLD ON

 

 **boss!bbh** : what.

 

 **boss!chen** : i want admin rights too

 

 **boss!chen** : p-please 🥺

 

 **boss!bbh** : ...n-no-

 

 **boss!chen** : 'kay :(

 

 **xiumin** : baek NO you broke him

 

 **maryxing** : is our sunshine dino sad :(

 

 **boss!chen** : yes i am :(((((

 

 **xiumin** : baek.

 

 **boss!bbh** : i said what i SAID.

 

 **yoda** : ...baekkie please-

 

 **boss!bbh** : NO.

 

 **yoda** : it's our best friend, your s o u l m a t e.

 

 **boss!bbh** : but i like being king of the groupchat…

 

 **maryxing** : baekhyun.

 

 **maryxing** : my baby.

 

 **yoda** : YOUR BABY ?!

 

 **yoda** : he said "my baby." WHO THE FUCK-

 

 **boss!bbh** : ...yes xing :(

 

 **yoda** : EXCUSE ME SJSJSKAK-

 

 **maryxing** : can you please give daedae admin rights :(

 

 **boss!bbh** : ...okie.

 

 **yoda** : what the fuck

 

 **bunmyeon** : WHY THE FUCK

 

 **boss!bbh** promoted **boss!chen** to admin of _boochie gang_

 

 **boss!chen** : danks hyunnie <3

 

 **boss!bbh** : you're welcome chenchen <3

 

 **pororo** : yixing why-

 

 **maryxing** : i don't like seeing anyone sad okay :(

 

 **deer** : this was a colossal mistake

 

 **taozi** : of massive proportions.

 

-

 

_shooters for kris_

 

 **gringo** : what are they even doing...

 

 **bear** : who knows.

 

 **bear** : but i'm bORED

 

 **gringo** : lu isn't letting me back into the gc im sad :(

 

 **bear** : same with soo ://

 

 **gringo** : sad hours :(((

 

 **bear** : now what do we do

 

 **gringo** : i dunno baek isn't answering anymore

 

 **boss!bbh** promoted **boss!chen** to admin of _boochie gang_

 

 **bear** : what

 

 **gringo** : did he just get admin rights

 

 **bear** : JONGDAE HYUNG-

 

 **gringo** : HELLOOOOOO

 

 **gringo** : HYUNG

 

 **bear** : LET US BACK IN

 

 **bear** : PLEASEEEEEEEEE

 

-

 

_boochie gang_

 

 **boss!bbh** : ehehehe

 

 **xiumin** : um-

 

 **bunmyeon** : i'm.

 

 **bunmyeon** : [scared].

 

 **boss!bbh** : we got the powerrrrrr

 

 **boss!chen** : powerrrrrrrrrr

 

 **yoda** : aw shit, here we go again.

 

 **kvngkris** : what's happening-

 

 **bunmyeon** : this is why you don't give the soulmates admin rights

 

 **boss!chen** : NIGA NAREUL BOL TTAE

 

 **boss!bbh** : SEORO GATEUN MAEUMI NEUKKYEOJIL TTAE

 

 **boss!chen** : POWERRRRR

 

 **boss!bbh** : POWERRRRR

 

 **deer** : BTIJFHDJDJ THE KPOP STAN JUMPED OUT-

 

 **xiumin** : yeah y'all haven't seen shit yet.

 

 **boss!chen** : DEO GANGHAEJINEUNGEOL

 

 **boss!bbh** : TURN THE MUSIC UP NOW

 

 **kvngkris** : baek and dae are a pair of eggs-

 

 **yoda** : they aren't JUST eggs-

 

 **boss!bbh** : IF WE RULED THE WORLD

 

 **boss!chen** : WE'D DO IT ALL

 

 **boss!bbh** : I SAID ONE FOR THE MONEY

 

 **boss!chen** : TWO FOR THE MONEY

 

 **boss!bbh** : AYEEEEE YEAH

 

 **kvngkris** : they're also a couple of fucking armchairs.

 

 **xiumin** : y'all are just finding this out-

 

 **yoda** : they've had freaking stan twitter accounts for YEARS.

 

 **deer** : baekhyun and dae are fucking-

 

 **pororo** : CHAOTIC.

 

 **taozi** : you two are saying this as if we didn't already know ALL OF THIS.

 

 **pororo** : IT REQUIRES EMPHASIS.

 

 **pororo** : LOTS OF IT.

 

 **maryxing** : ...so i may have fucked up

 

 **bunmyeon** : "may" YOU DID FUCK UP

 

 **yoda** : ...they um need to be stopped.

 

 **xiumin** : understatement of the year.

 

 **boss!chen** : STAN EXO

 

 **boss!bbh** : STAN BTS

 

 **boss!chen** : EXOTAN NATION-

 

 **boss!bbh** : RISEEEEE.

 

 **yoda** : oh my god, i hate you guys

 

 **xiumin** : shut the hell up chanyeol

 

 **xiumin** : you're just as much of a stan as we are.

 

 **yoda** : jared, 19, and i never learned how to read.

 

 **kvngkris** : pft chanyeol isn't a kpoppie.

 

 **kvngkris** : ...right ?

 

 **xiumin** : last week, since we all had come to accept that we'd never see either group live.

 

 **yoda** : MINSEOK NO-

 

 **xiumin** : we played the EXO Planet #4 ElyXiOn DVD and the LY Tour DVD consecutively on dae's TV as if we were in a real concert

 

 **kvngkris** : what. in god's name.

 

 **maryxing** : INVITE ME NEXT TIME THE FUCK !

 

 **yoda** : i forgot that you're a friggin exotan stan too KSKSKS

 

 **pororo** : i've completely lost track of where this conversation is going.

 

 **bunmyeon** : it's not worth the headache anyway.

 

 **boss!chen** : that. was the best date ever.

 

 **boss!bbh** : our boyfriends are maddd cute for that date

 

 **boss!bbh** : it was their idea 😔💓

 

 **taozi** : ...kris sweetie.

 

 **taozi** : take notes.

 

 **kvngkris** : THE FUCK ???

 

 **maryxing** : a wild petty tao has appeared !

 

 **taozi** : chanyeol here-

 

 **kvngkris** : WHAT DOES THAT CLUMSY ASS GIANT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING

 

 **yoda** : LEAVE ME AND MY TWO LEFT FEET ALONE YOU FUCKING RAT

 

 **kvngkris** : LISTEN YOU TALL ASS HOUSE ELF-

 

 **yoda** : YOU'RE LITERALLY THE SAME HEIGHT.

 

 **kvngkris** : WHO THE FUCK GAVE YOU THE RIGHT TO INTERRUPT [ M E ] ???

 

 **deer** : i wish i could stop LAUGHINGJFN OH MY GOD

 

 **bunmyeon** : this stupid ass groupchat is giving me a migraine

 

 **pororo** : me too.

 

 **xiumin** : i'm gonna just go and uh

 

 **xiumin** : collect my man before he starts quoting songs with baek again-

 

 **pororo** : hey while you're at it :)

 

 **xiumin** : ...i'm slightly terrified

 

 **maryxing** : so am i.

 

 **pororo** : CAN YOU TELL HIM AND HIS DUMBASS SOULMATE TO LET THE MAKNAES IN THE DAMN GROUPCHAT

 

 **xiumin** : um

 

 **yoda** : errr...

 

 **pororo** : THEY KEEP ANNOYING ME AND FLOODING MY PHONE WITH TEXTS I'M T I R E D.

 

 **pororo** : Y'ALL HEAR ME.

 

 **pororo** : I AM. TIRED.

 

 **yoda** : i'll uh go talk to baek ?

 

 **xiumin** : and i'm gonna try to convince dae

 

 **pororo** : good.

 

 **maryxing** : hold up.

 

 **maryxing** : lu... hasn't sehun being blowing up your phone with letting him back in the gc ?

 

 **deer** : he has.

 

 **bunmyeon** : then…???

 

 **deer** : oh i muted him, i find this shit hilarious

 

 **kvngkris** : are you FUCKING KIDDING ME-

 

-

 

private chat with **boss!bbh**

 

 **yoda** : um baek…

 

 **boss!bbh** : yes peasant :D

 

 **yoda** : >:(

 

 **boss!bbh** : i know you want me to add the wretched younglings

 

 **yoda** : and…?

 

 **boss!bbh** : my answer is no :)

 

 **yoda** : l-let them in please kyungsoo just threatened our lives

 

 **boss!bbh** : did he ever SAY he was gonna kill you ?

 

 **yoda** : no but i could /feel/ it.

 

 **boss!bbh** : you could feel a threat through a text message.

 

 **boss!bbh** : seriously.

 

 **boss!bbh** : s e r i o u s l y.

 

 **yoda** : please please please baek i'll do ANYTHING.

 

 **boss!bbh** : anything?

 

 **yoda** : ...y-yes

 

 **boss!bbh** : hmmmmm

 

 **boss!bbh** : i'll be at your place in ten baby boy ;)

 

 **yoda** : …

 

 **yoda** : FUCK.

 

-

 

_boochie gang_

 

 **kvngkris** : why the fuck did my apartment just shake.

 

 **yoda** : um, i may have fallen off my bed...

 

 **yoda** : i'm so fucked.

 

 **boss!bbh** : yes, yes you are.

 

 **yoda** : [insert chaotic screaming].

 

 **kvngkris** : HE'S ACTUALLY SCREAMING IN HIS ROOM

 

 **kvngkris** : WHAT'S GOING ON-

 

 **bunmyeon** : god if you're there i have a quick question

 

 **bunmyeon** : why are my sons so fucking insane 😔

 

 **pororo** : are you insinuating that i'm crazy.

 

 **yoda** : YES.

 

 **pororo** : bitch WHERE. WHEN. HOW.

 

 **yoda** : YOU LITERALLY JUST THREATENED TO KILL ME

 

 **yoda** : AND MINSEOK.

 

 **pororo** : i did no such thing

 

-

 

private chat with **boss!chen**

 

 **xiumin** : dae, baby.

 

 **boss!chen** : yes minnie?

 

 **xiumin** : can you please let the fetuses back into the groupchat.

 

 **boss!chen** : they're annoying :(((

 

 **xiumin** : pretty please

 

 **boss!chen** : i don't wanna :(((

 

 **xiumin** : dae.

 

 **boss!chen** : ...minnie.

 

 **xiumin** : don't make me resort to /desperate/ measures.

 

 **boss!chen** : ...i'm still saying no.

 

 **xiumin** : i'll burn your digimon collection.

 

 **boss!chen** : excuse me

 

 **boss!chen** : you wouldn't d a r e.

 

 **xiumin** : try me bitch

 

 **boss!chen** : i already did 🤪

 

 **boss!chen** : exquisite !

 

 **xiumin** : i-

 

 **xiumin** : ….

 

-

 

_boochie gang_

 

 **xiumin** blocked **boss!chen**

 

 **boss!chen** : NO PRINTER JUST FAXS SEOKKIE.

 

 **xiumin** : wow the weather sure is nice today !

 

 **maryxing** : this is worse than a trip on lsd i'm so confused.

 

 **deer** : this is quality daytime entertainment

 

 **deer** : lemme get my popcorn brb !

 

 **pororo** : at least someone is enjoying this trainwreck.

 

 **boss!chen** : minnie is just mad that i'm spitting pure facts.

 

 **xiumin** : oh would you look at the time !

 

 **xiumin** : gotta go to work !

 

 **taozi** : good god this is a disaster.

 

 **bunmyeon** : this is as bad as it can get i suppose.

 

 **kvngkris** : who the FUCK just slammed the door to our apartment-

 

 **taozi** : and now it just got worse.

 

 **deer** : way to jinx it jun.

 

 **bunmyeon** : SO NOW IT'S MY FAULT THAT Y'ALL ARE A MESS ???

 

 **maryxing** : myeon please calm down

 

 **yoda** : goodbye world. it was nice knowing you guys.

 

 **taozi** : oh jeez, now what !?

 

 **boss!chen** : two words.

 

 **taozi** : ???

 

 **yoda** : SHUT UP

 

 **yoda** : i'LL fUcKINg sTRANGLE yOU joNGDaEKUEIDKD

 

 **taozi** : chanyeol ?

 

 **taozi** : CHANYEOL ?

 

 **taozi** : oh my fuckin god, he's fuckin dead.

 

 **kvngkris** : …

 

 **kvngkris** : who the FUCK just whimpered.

 

 **boss!chen** : LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

 **pororo** : kris.

 

 **pororo** : RUN.

 

 **kvngkris** : FUCK FUCK FUCK MY EARS ODJDHD LUHAN, TAO, IM CRASHING YOUR PLACE FUCK-

 

-

 

private chat with **xiumin**

 

 **boss!bbh** : okay so i'm a clingy bitch i can't handle twelve fucking minutes of silence from you

 

 **boss!bbh** : baek left his phone at home when he went to do chanyeol-

 

 **boss!bbh** : anyway.

 

 **boss!bbh** : i'm sorry for being a blunt insensitive asshole. unblock me please. i miss you :(((

  


**xiumin** : let me think about it.

 

 **xiumin** : no.

 

 **boss!bbh** : baby please :(((

 

 **boss!bbh** : if you were home right now, i'd go over there at this exact moment, with three boxes of hawaiian pizza, sit down and watch all 15 seasons of that horrid medical drama you love so much. that's how much i miss you.

 

 **xiumin** : ...it's literally been twelve minutes are you kidding me

 

 **boss!bbh** : you're roasting me but i know you're just as clingy so shut up.

 

 **xiumin** : ...add the the demons back in. and come to work. and sing me despacito. and change your name to mateo :)

 

 **boss!bbh** : evil, evil little man.

 

 **boss!bbh** : fine.

 

-

 

_boochie gang_

 

 **deer** : i'm gonna film kris come crashing through our door

 

 **taozi** : SKSKSKSK my man: is a certified m e s s.

 

 **xiumin** unblocked **boss!chen**

 

 **bunmyeon** : what the-

 

 **taozi** : that was quick.

 

 **boss!chen** added **gringo** and **bear**

 

 **gringo** : THANK GOD

 

 **bear** : LOVE YOU HYUNG !

 

 **boss!chen** changed their name to **mateo**

 

 **pororo** : the cursed name.

 

 **xiumin** changed their name to **king!seokkie**

 

 **mateo** : you're lucky that i love you

 

 **mateo** : walking myself to a busted ass coffee shop and gonna become a living meme

 

 **mateo** : minseok: that's sad, alexa play despacito

 

 **mateo** : me: DAEEES PAAAAA SEE TOH

 

 **deer** : do i even wanna know…

 

 **king!seokkie** : what do you think happened :)

 

 **deer** : ...

 

 **deer** : damn jongdae you're that whipped huh.

 

 **mateo** : shut up

 

 **mateo** : you're no better when it comes to ~sehunnie~

 

 **maryxing** : bruv he got you there.

 

 **gringo** : that's a LIE he ignored me the entire time baek kicked me out of the groupchat.

 

 **pororo** : jongdae's been debunked.

 

 **gringo** : i'm sad :(((

 

 **deer** : …

 

 **bunmyeon** : we'll see about that.

 

 **deer** : i'm sorry ignored you

 

 **deer** : sehunnie :(((

 

 **deer** : i'll swing by your place at 7 and we'll go to dinner at campo's tonight, how's that sound ?

 

 **gringo** : …okie :)

 

 **mateo** : WHIPPED.

 

 **pororo** : i will redact my previous statement. jongdae has been un-debunked.

 

-

 

_let's do it baby i know the law_

 

 **kvngkris** : ONE OF YOU BETTER BE FUCKING HOME

 

 **taozi** : lu's home

 

 **deer** : i'm home

 

 **kvngkris** : GOOD.

 

 **kvngkris** : I ALMOST RAN THIS FUCKING LIGHT BECAUSE OF MY EMOTIONAL SCARRING.

 

 **deer** : come join me, i'm making my next batch of popcorn

 

 **kvngkris** : FUCK YOUR POPCORN I NEED BLEACH

 

-

 

_boochie gang_

 

 **taozi** : someone enlighten me right now.

 

 **taozi** : who broke my boyfriend.

 

 **taozi** : why. is he having. a mental breakdown.

 

 **taozi** : AT A DAMN RED LIGHT WHILE HE'S DRIVING.

 

 **mateo** : LMAOOOOOOO

 

 **king!seokkie** : h-he um HEARDSJSJSJ

 

 **mateo** : baekhyun is uh a-abuSINGJDJDJD

 

 **pororo** : i hate both of you.

 

 **bunmyeon** : why did you expect more out of them

 

 **pororo** : i didn't expect shit from jongdae

 

 **pororo** : minseok on the other hand-

 

 **king!seokkie** : it's fuNNY i'm fucking soRRY

 

 **mateo** : b-baby bOYDISJSKSSK

 

 **king!seokkie** : SHUT UP ASHFSKDJFKI

 

 **mateo** : maybe if chanyeol had waited two fucking minutes none of this would of happened KSKSKS

 

 **maryxing** : what'd you expect from yeol tho-

 

 **maryxing** : soo just threatened his LIFE.

 

 **king!seokkie** : oh you felt that energy too ?

 

 **maryxing** : yeah, and everyone knows that chanyeol is beyond terrified of kyungsoo when it comes to certain.

 

 **maryxing** : things.

 

 **gringo** : this smells like the /forbidden tea/

 

 **bear** : the tea is steaming whew!

 

 **deer** : there is no TEA.

 

 **mateo** : ^ what han said

 

 **taozi** : none of this.

 

 **taozi** : answers my question.

 

 **pororo** : remember when kris walked in on jongdae and minseok.

 

 **bunmyeon** : and he was "scarred for life"

 

 **pororo** : this is the same situation.

 

 **mateo** : excuse me this is not the same thing

 

 **king!seokkie** : we're proud switches bitch.

 

 **pororo** : IT'S CLOSE ENOUGH DAMN IT.

 

 **taozi** : oh.

 

 **taozi** : OH.

 

 **taozi** : oh shit.

 

 **deer** : Y'ALL KRIS JUST DRIFTED INTO A PARKING SPOT HOLY SHIT.

 

 **bear** : nicks energy is strong with kris

 

 **gringo** : he can't lose cuz he got juice 🤩

 

 **deer** : GUYS

 

 **deer** : [sent a video]

 

 **mateo** : HE RAN INTO A FULL SIZE WINDOW THINKING IT WAS THE DOOR

 

 **king!seokkie** : I'M FUCKING DEAD DJSNSN

 

 **bear** : this shit took me OUT HAHAHAHA

 

 **gringo** : the receptionist was like

 

 **gringo** : "anna ou-"

 

 **kvngkris** : FUCK ALL OF YOU FOR ROASTING ME

 

 **kvngkris** : AND FUCK YOU LUHAN

 

 **deer** : i'm CACKLING

 

 **deer** : that right is reserved for sehun and sehun ONLY.

 

 **gringo** : yeth, that's me.

 

 **taozi** : yifan, babe, please breathe.

 

 **kvngkris** : I'M TRYING TO

 

 **pororo** : doesn't seem like it.

 

 **kvngkris** : LET ME IN LUHAN

 

 **mateo** : watch lu start acting like a whole ass clown right fucking now

 

 **bunmyeon** : as if he wasn't already acting like a clown for the past hour ???

 

 **king!seokkie** : luhan is the definition of a clown LMAO

 

 **kvngkris** : STOP LAUGHING AT ME YOU EVIL TWAT.

 

 **kvngkris** : I CAN HEAR YOUR DUMBASS THROUGH THE DOOR LET ME IN

 

 **taozi** : luhan and yifan.

 

 **taozi** : please calm down the landlord just called me to tell us to keep the yelling down-

 

 **gringo** : that's asking for a lot.

 

 **bear** : brave of him to assume that they'd listen 🤩

 

 **kvngkris** : THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR LAUGHING AT ME BITCH.

 

 **kvngkris** : CHOKE ON THE POPCORN KERNEL HOE

 

 **mateo** : death by popcorn

 

 **taozi** : good thing i'm almost home so i can let you in

 

 **pororo** : finally!

 

 **pororo** : now can you headasses shut the hell up.

 

 **maryxing** : actually soo-

 

 **pororo** changed their name to **donotdisturb**

 

 **king!seokkie** : aaaand he's back.

 

 **maryxing** : BUT I HAD AN ACTUAL QUESTION

 

 **donotdisturb** : [read at 2:53 PM]

 

 **maryxing** : that's it, i'm clocking out.

 

 

 **king!seokkie** : translation: it's time to be baked o'clock.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BAEKHYUN IS DEBUTING IN A COUPLE WEEKS-  
> YIXING AND HONEY SLAPPED-  
> WHEW. MY WIG AND MY BANK ACCOUNT IS GONE.


	12. change up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> furry rats + hairlines + lots of headassery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> life is still crazy but here i am still managing to update. although there isn't much wifi down here so im struggling.

private chat with **king!seokkie**

 

**boss!bbh** : i just wanted to ask if you wanted to come over later today...

 

**boss!bbh** : and bring dae back home with you but-

 

**boss!bbh** : what in everliving fuck is all this ?

 

**kingseokkie** : don't.

 

**king!seokkie** : ask.

 

**boss!bbh** : 🙄

 

-

 

_boochie gang_

 

**boss!bbh** : GUYS

 

**boss!bbh** changed their name to **borgi**

 

**mateo** : let me guess

 

**mateo** : you saw mongryong

 

**yoda** : you mean: the /fat furry rat/

 

**mateo** : everyone loves mongryong chanyeol

 

**mateo** : stop being pressed bc the baby hates /you/

 

**yoda** : the only baby here is toben.

 

**yoda** : toben will always be superior. end of discussion.

 

**gringo** : what the fuck do you mean "end of discussion."

 

**gringo** : TOBEN WILL NEVER BE VIVI. VIVI IS THE SUPERIOR DOGGO AND THAT'S ON PERIODT.

 

**borgi** : WHO GIVES A SHIT ABOUT VIVI OR TOBEN WHEN MY BABY MONGRYONG EXISTS

 

**yoda** : THAT IS NO BABY.

 

**yoda** : ANYWAY.

 

**yoda** : the furry fatass rat, keeps trying to EAT ME 

 

**borgi** : do NOT call him a rat.

 

**borgi** : and he's just a picky boi

 

**borgi** : he's mean once in a while-

 

**yoda** : correction:

 

**yoda** : *every SINGLE time we visit.

 

**yoda** : INCLUDING TODAY.

 

**mateo** : that's bc mongryong can smell big dumbass energy from your tall bitch ass

 

**mateo** : mongryong: fuck tall people lives 🤪

 

**yoda** : eXCUSE ME ?!

 

**gringo** : anygays.

 

**yoda** : BRUDJSKSK-

 

**gringo** : baek, how's my nephew 🥺

 

**borgi** : FIRST OF ALL

 

**borgi** : he's MY nephew.

 

**gringo** : details.

 

**gringo** : tomayto, toematoe

 

**bunmyeon** : your spelling is absolutely horrifying.

 

**king!seokkie** : where the fuck is your autocorrect sehun

 

**gringo** : in hell 🤩

 

**gringo** : moving on to my NEPHEW

 

**borgi** : ...like i was gonna say.

 

**borgi** : he's FINE my smol son is so uwu

 

**borgi** : he is babie :( i lub him so much omg

 

**borgi** : he got a lil bald spot but that's okay.

 

**borgi** : he just takes after his uncle jongdae so he's just balding a lil early

 

**bear** : lung: gone

 

**gringo** : wig: snatched

 

**taozi** : hotel: trivago

 

**kvngkris** : damn jongdae you fr just got NECKED.

 

**mateo** : BITCH.

 

**king!seokkie** : baby he ain't wrong tho.

 

**king!seokkie** : i'm gonna go ahead and say that mateo still snaps 🤪

 

**taozi** : oh so he still snaps despite his hairline being so far up his ass ?

 

**borgi** : BITCH I- AJSKDJFL

 

**bear** : attack on jongdae season 2 🤩

 

**deer** : this sentence made no fucking sense

 

**deer** : BUT AT THE SAME TIME IT SOMEHOW MADE SENSE

 

**bear** : I HATE HOW ACCURATE THAT IS FKDJDJ

 

**maryxing** : wait.

 

**maryxing** : JONGDAE HAS HAIR IN HIS ASS ?

 

**borgi** : I WANNA BREATHE SO BAD OMFJFKDKSK

 

**mateo** : I HATE ALL OF YOU.

 

**yoda** : wHO GAVE HIM A BLUNT

 

**bunmyeon** : kris…

 

**kvngkris** : ion be doin' SHIT jun 

 

**kvngkris** : DON'T BE LOOKIN' AT ME FOR ALL DAT WACK SHIT.

 

**taozi** : ...babe, the hoodrat jumped out. chill.

 

**kvngkris** : you right, you right.

 

**bear** : oh shit !

 

**bear** : a rat !

 

**bear** : [points at kris]

 

**bear** : there's a mother fucking rat-

 

**kvngkris** : I WILL BEAT YOUR ASS IN, JONGIN

 

**bear** : jong:out

 

**gringo** : PFFFFFT he said: toodles motherfucker 🤪

 

**kvngkris** : JONGIN YOU'RE STILL GONNA GET YOUR ASS BEAT-

 

**king** **!** **seokkie** : BITCHES LISTEN.

 

**king!seokkie** : now yixing is muttering to himself, while sitting in the kitchen floor in JUST his boxers.

 

**king!seokkie** : tryna figure out if jongdae's actually bald.

 

**king!seokkie** : when jongdae is literally right in front of him making fucking pancakes, with his bigass head of hair sticking up EVERYWHERE

 

**borgi** : nah minseok stop lying 

 

**borgi** : dae deadass got three strands of hair

 

**borgi** : he be lookin' like a whole psyduck

 

**king!seokkie** : no.

 

**yoda** : bro i kno he laughing lmfaoooo

 

**deer** : he's totally laughing i can /feel it/

 

**mateo** : HE'S FUCKING LAUGHING ALL OF YOU ARE BOUTA BE BLOCKED

 

**yoda** : I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING

 

**mateo** : INCLUDING YOU, MINSEOK.

 

**bear** : jongdae said: men ain't shit 🤢

 

**gringo** : nah nah he said: minseok ain't shit 🤮

 

**taozi** : on god ?

 

**kvngkris** : ON JAH ???

 

**mateo** : SHUT UP AKSHDDK

 

**mateo** : EVERYONE'S GETTING A FOOT IN THEIR ASS.

 

**bear** : welcome back red forman 🤩

 

**taozi** : jongdae and red forman are long lost bald twins 😔

 

**gringo** : jongdae             red forman

                              🤝🏼

                   being bald as fuck

 

**mateo** : THAT'S IT.

 

**mateo** : MAKNAES. 

 

**mateo** : YOUR NETFLIX PRIVILEGES HAVE BEEN REVOKED

 

**bear** : no no nO-

 

**gringo** : hOLD uP-

 

**taozi** : givE iT bACK-

 

**mateo** : I SAID WHAT I FUCKING SAID.

 

**borgi** : awww look what we did, the cat is all riled up :O

 

**borgi** : have fun getting it tonight seokkie ! :D

 

**king!seokkie** : i-

 

**mateo** : THAT IS A FARCE

 

**mateo** : HE AIN'T GETTING SHIT.

 

**maryxing** : fart ?

 

**bear** : EYE-

 

**deer** : bITCH-

 

**yoda** : w h a t.

 

**taozi** : SKSKSKSKSKSK

 

**bunmyeon** : no baby f-a-r-c-e

 

**maryxing** : you mean f-a-r-t.

 

**bunmyeon** : i-

 

**bunmyeon** : ugh sure, fart.

 

**bunmyeon** : go back to thinking about jongdae's hairline in his ass

 

**mateo** : wHaT tHE fuCK ?!?!

 

**borgi** : minseok reading the gc rn: [sent video]

 

**king!seokkie** : no.

 

**deer** : THAT'S DEFINITELY HIM LMAOOOO

 

**kvngkris** : I'M FUCKING GEEKED AS HELL

 

**bear** : this was the BEST video to go with it i'm crying-

 

**gringo** : sis was trying so hard not to laugh

 

**gringo** : but she kept having to bring her hand up to cover her face LMAO

 

**mateo** : FUCK ALL Y'ALL.

 

**mateo** : MINSEOK BOUTA CATCH THIS FUCKING BLOCK.

 

**borgi** : bruh.

 

**borgi** : jongdae tryna block his boyfriend who is TWO feet away from him

 

**borgi** : i have to laugh-

 

**gringo** : bitch if jongdae even tries to block minseok

 

**gringo** : he's just gonna get dicked down

 

**gringo** : or he's gonna dick minseok down lmaooo

 

**gringo** : one or the other 🙄

 

**mateo** : well it's a win win situation either way 🤩

 

**mateo** : so i'm omw to block minseok right fucking now !

 

**king!seokkie** : block me mateo i dare you

 

**king!seokkie** : no balls, you won't.

 

**mateo** blocked **king!seokkie**

 

**borgi** : well that escalated quickly.

 

**deer** : one day, they'll stop being crackheads

 

**kvngkris** : lmao maybe when pigs fly

 

**taozi** : so…

 

**taozi** : how's everyone doing today ?

 

**borgi** : [snores]

 

**yoda** : [breathes]

 

**gringo** : [sips tea]

 

**kvngkris** : [exists]

 

**maryxing** : [farts]

 

**taozi** : i hate you guys omfg

 

**taozi** : i was just trying to make conversation

 

**taozi** : the chat died when xiuchen disappeared 😔

 

**bear** : yeahhh it's too quiet.

 

**bunmyeon** : shhhh let it stay quiet

.

.

.

.

.

**gringo** : sumn tells me that they're fuckin'

 

**bunmyeon** : god damn it

 

**donotdisturb** : jun why the fuck you gotta jinx EVERYTHING.

 

**donotdisturb** : interrupting my goddamn nap.

 

**bunmyeon** : i-

 

**yoda** : my money is on jongdae topping minseok

 

**deer** : twenty says minseok is topping

 

**donotdisturb** : WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU DUMBASSES BETTING ON THIS SHIT

 

**borgi** : you two are actual clowns omg

 

**maryxing** : ...guys.

 

**bunmyeon** : yes

 

**yoda** : si señor ?

 

**kvngkris** : what is it xing?

 

**taozi** : ???

 

**gringo** : hello

 

**gringo** : ...yixing?

 

**maryxing** : SO

 

**borgi** : bruh.

 

**maryxing** : i was just sitting on the floor

 

**taozi** : barbeque sauce on my titties

 

**bear** : bitch JDJSKSK

 

**maryxing** : SHHHHH.

 

**maryxing** : i was trying to figure out how jongdae's hairline is in his ass

 

**bunmyeon** : what blunt did you hit today baby good god-

 

**maryxing** : and then suddenly minseok and jongdae disappeared !

 

**maryxing** : now the pancakes are burning !!!

 

**bear** : save the pancakes xing !

 

**maryxing** : i'm trying to !!!

 

**maryxing** : also i think the apartment is haunted with some ghosts who speak spanish

 

**borgi** : LMFAOOOOOOOOOO

 

**kvngkris** : i'm getting war flashbacks again 💀

 

**gringo** : DAMN MATEO REALLY WENT OFF TODAY

 

**bear** : this is what y'all get for clowning his hairline

 

**yoda** : like i give a rats ass, luhan pay up hoe.

 

**yoda** : i want my twenty dollars right now 🤩

 

**deer** left _boochie gang_

 

**borgi** : I'M CRYING KDKDJSJS

 

-

private chat with **borgi**

 

**yoda** : hey babe

 

**borgi** : yeah ?

 

**yoda** : can you please add luhan back into the gc

 

**borgi** : okay yeollie

 

**yoda** : thank you baekkie

 

-

 

private chat with **deer**

 

**yoda** : YOU CAN'T ESCAPE ME BITCH

 

**yoda** : I WANT MY DAMN MONEY

 

**deer** : jared, 19.

 

**yoda** : well i guess since you can't read

 

**yoda** : you won't mind me texting sehun about

 

**yoda** : the /duck/

 

**deer** : you wouldn't.

 

**yoda** : oh but i would >:)

 

**yoda** : LET ME GET SEHUNNIE

 

**deer** : NO-

 

-

 

_boochie gang_

 

**borgi** added **deer** to _boochie gang_

 

**yoda** : ohhh sehun :)

 

**gringo** : yes chanyeol ?

 

-

 

private chat with **yoda**

 

**deer** : I SENT YOU TWENTY DOLLARS TO YOUR PAYPAL

 

**deer** : NOW SHUT YOUR FACE PARK.

 

**yoda** : a pleasure doing business with you :)

 

-

 

_boochie_ _gang_

 

**yoda** : oh never mind

 

**yoda** : i thought i saw your big blue ufc sweatshirt at baekdaes house

 

**yoda** : but it turns out it was jongdae's snuggie.

 

**gringo** : oh okay.

 

**gringo** : wait, how the hell do you mistake a hoodie for a snuggie.

 

**bear** : ^ seriously yeol.

 

**yoda** : idk man i saw it passing, my bad.

 

**yoda** : but uh are you and nini free rn? 

 

**gringo** : why, what's up ?

 

**yoda** : me and kris are gonna record a diss track for miss ari today 🤩

 

**yoda** : wanna come ?

 

**gringo** : i'll bring jongin, we'll be there in fifteen :D

 

**bear** : what he said. we're on our way bro

 

**yoda** : bettt.

 

-

 

private chat with **yoda**

 

**deer** : nice save

 

**yoda** : thank you :D

 

-

 

_cbx_

 

**borgi** : hoes.

 

**borgi** : chanyeol left and i'm bored.

 

**borgi** : also i need to talk to you guys about smth.

 

**borgi** : bitches.

 

**borgi** : whores.

 

**borgi** : ugly boogers.

 

**borgi** : cucarachas.

 

**borgi** : …

 

**borgi** : answer whenever y'all are done screwing each other's brains out.

 

**borgi** : while i wait i'll put on some elevator music

 

**borgi** : [breathes in]

 

**borgi** : trying hard to fight these tears

 

**borgi** : i'm crazy worried

 

**borgi** : messing with this fear

 

**borgi** : i'm so sorry

 

**borgi** : you know you gotta get it out

 

**borgi** : i can't take it

 

**borgi** : that's what being friends' about

 

**borgi** : *ahem*

 

**borgi** : I, I WANNA CRY

 

**borgi** : I CAN'T DENY

 

**borgi** : TONIGHT I WANNA UP AND HIDE

 

**borgi** : AND GET INSIDE, IT ISN'T RIGHT

 

**borgi** : I GOTTA LIVE IN MY LIFE

 

**borgi** : I KNOW I, I KNOW I

I KNOW I GOTTA DO IT

 

**borgi** : I KNOW I, I KNOW I

I KNOW I GOTTA DO IT

 

**mateo** : GOTTA TURN THE WORLD INTO YOUR DANCE FLOOR

 

**mateo** : DETERMINATE, D-DETERMINATE

 

**king!seokkie** : PUSH UNTIL CAN'T AND THEN DEMAND MORE

 

**king!seokkie** : DETERMINATE, D-DETERMINATE

 

**borgi** : YOU AND ME TOGETHER, WE CAN MAKE IT BETTER

 

**mateo** : GOTTA TURN THE WORLD INTO YOUR DANCE FLOOR

 

**king!seokkie** : DETERMINATE, D-DETERMINATE

 

**mateo** : legendary, amazing, never done before!

 

**borgi** : skinny! 🤩

 

**king!seokkie** : we outsold!

 

**mateo** : anyway.

 

**mateo** : why have you summoned us here baek.

 

**king!seokkie** : que necesitas amigo

 

**borgi** : …

 

**borgi** : spanish whore

 

**king!seokkie** : and what about it bitch 🤪

 

**mateo** : before you start yelling at each other like a pair of clowns.

 

**mateo** : let's try and focus at the task at hand

 

**king!seokkie** : yes yes

 

**mateo** : you had something to tell us baek?

 

**borgi** : oh yeah.

 

**borgi** : that.

 

**borgi** : i just want you to know that i've been thinking about this for a while okay

 

**borgi** : this isn't something i thought of on a whim.

 

**borgi** : i don't want you to think that i'm taking this lightly or for you to get the wrong idea

 

**borgi** : you know i hate for any of us in the group to have any misunderstandings and i don't cope with awkward very well

 

**borgi** : we have a really good thing going, all of us.

 

**borgi** : i don't wanna mess everything up and change everything for everyone.

 

**borgi** : maybe i shouldn't say anything fuck.

 

**mateo** : woah woah woah slow down there baek

 

**king!seokkie** : you're starting to ramble

 

**mateo** : take deep breaths

 

**borgi** : i'm just really scared to talk about it because then…

 

**borgi** : i'd have to actually commit to it.

 

**borgi** : telling you guys makes it real.

 

**king!seokkie** : we know you struggle with that 

 

**king!seokkie** : i swear-

 

**mateo** : i swear too.

 

**king!seokkie** : -that we'll be there for you for this.

 

**mateo** : ditto. you know that we will support you through anything baek.

 

**mateo** : just breathe baek. breathe.

 

**borgi** : i am. 

 

**borgi** : i'm just.

 

**borgi** : stressed.

 

**borgi** : it's gonna make everyone mad especially you guys.

 

**borgi** : idk i'm really scared…

 

**mateo** : it's okay to be scared bub :(((

 

**mateo** : that's perfectly normal, and that's okay.

 

**mateo** : just tell us what's going on.

 

**borgi** : okay :///

 

**borgi** : um… 

 

**borgi** : please don't get mad at me, 'kay?

 

**mateo** : i won't hyunnie.

 

**mateo** : i promise.

 

**king!seokkie** : yeah whatever it is, it's okay baek.

 

**borgi** : okay.

 

**borgi** : uh here goes nothing.

 

**borgi** : i want to move out.

 

-

 

_boochie gang_

 

**taozi** : oh shit.

 

**taozi** : the energy has /shifted/

 

**gringo** : okay tao we get it, you're a wizard

 

**gringo** : who stans hermione granger

 

**taozi** : aha ha ha

 

**taozi** : very funny.

 

**taozi** : i meant, something is about to happen.

 

**bear** : oooo tao got that voodoo

 

**bear** : he said: "abra kadabra"

 

**gringo** : those are pokemon, you fucking idiot

 

**gringo** : it's "abracadabra"

 

**bear** : sounds like YOU'RE the hermione granger stan

 

**taozi** : both of you, shut the fuck up, okay...

 

**taozi** : lu's face just got all twisty 'n scrunched up

 

**bear** : so ?

 

**taozi** : sehun, yk that face he makes when he gets a bad feeling.

 

**gringo** : …oh shit.

 

**taozi** : oh shit, indeed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'ALL HEARD BAEKS NEW ALBUM THAT SHIT SLAPPED. betcha is soty y'all can't even tell me NO. bruv and when kyungsoo dropped that's okay, it had me in tears when i first heard it whewww. what a life deserves aoty bc that album was all around 100% amazing. the exos really outdid themselves this month


	13. cbx

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> where oh where did cbx go ?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is this what one does during a six hour car ride with no internet, and it's final destination being: the desert. yes, yes it is.

_boochie_ _gang_

 

 **bunmyeon** : so it's been three days since we heard from those three crackheads.

 

 **donotdisturb** : i don't see the problem here

 

 **bunmyeon** : IT'S BEEN THREE DAYS.

 

 **donotdisturb** : your point ?

 

 **bear** : jun's saying that we're worried about them

 

 **maryxing** : more like, *junmyeon is worried about them

 

 **maryxing** : jun made me drive to their house yesterday

 

 **bunmyeon** : i didn't MAKE you do ANYTHING

 

 **maryxing** : more like you threatened to throw my goods out the window if we didn't go.

 

 **kvngkris** : oh that's just COLD jun.

 

 **bunmyeon** : shut up yifan

 

 **maryxing** : anyway, no one answers @ baekdaes house

 

 **maryxing** : it's complete radio silence.

 

 **taozi** : as the representative of the maknaes we have reached out to all three

 

 **taozi** : for serious inquiries about our netflix privileges

 

 **gringo** : no one has answered either

 

 **bear** : which is very strange.

 

 **bear** : are they okay?

 

 **taozi** : yeah we're really worried about them.

 

 **gringo** : and our netflix

 

 **gringo** : but we're mostly worried about them.

 

 **kvngkris** : yeol.

 

 **yoda** : hmmm ?

 

 **kvngkris** : come on bro you have to know sumn.

 

 **yoda** : uhhh...

 

 **yoda** : the last time the three of them went all quiet like this

 

 **yoda** : was because one of them had some serious stuff going on.

 

 **yoda** : they turn into hermits and they'll reappear whenever they feel they're ready.

 

 **donotdisturb** : it's happened before guys it's okay.

 

 **deer** : they just need their "space"

 

 **deer** : although.

 

 **deer** : minseok's been out for three days and he's required to come in tomorrow.

 

 **deer** : otherwise mr. kang will throw a whole FIT-

 

 **bunmyeon** : doesn't seok take extra shifts ALL THE TIME for your manager ?!

 

 **deer** : he didn't properly call out the past three days, the extra shifts ARE what saved his job so far.

 

 **yoda** : damn so he gonna have to come into work tomorrow

 

 **yoda** : pull a lie outta his ass like: my grandma died

 

 **deer** : he'll probably just say something along the lines of he was hospitalized for something

 

 **deer** : he always be pulling that greys anatomy mumbo jumbo outta nowhere

 

 **maryxing** : THAT'S SO TRUE

 

 **maryxing** : one time jun passed out on our couch and he wasn't waking up

 

 **bunmyeon** : yixing, sweetie, NO-

 

 **maryxing** : and so minseok said: "CHARGE TO THREE HUNDRED!"

 

 **maryxing** : THAT MF SAID: "CLEAR!"

 

 **maryxing** : AND HE SLAPPED THE SHIT OUT OF JUN

 

 **yoda** : OHMYGOSJAHSJ

 

 **taozi** : NOW I REALLY FORGOT HOW TO BREATHE AKDJFKDK

 

 **bunmyeon** : the war flashbacks… that shit HURT.

 

 **kvngkris** : NOTHING BEATS THAT ONE TIME THAT I MISSED A CLASS AND I CAME IN LATE WITH MINSEOK-

 

 **kvngkris** : AND THE DEAN PULLED UP ON ME ALL MAD 'N SHIT

 

 **kvngkris:** and minseok said: "just close your eyes and hold your head as if you have a headache."

 

 **yoda** : I REMEMBER THIS ONE OMF-

 

 **kvngkris** : WE GET TO OUR CLASS AND THE DEAN STARTED YELLING AT ME

 

 **kvngkris:** and minseok said: "he went to the doctors to get his post cerebral hemorrhage surgery check up. if you could keep your voice down, that'd be fantastic."

 

 **bear** : i'M piSSINGKDKD

 

 **kvngkris** : the dean was about say sumn else and minseok PUT HIS FINGER UP LIKE: "I'M NOT DONE YET BITCH."

 

 **kvngkris** : he then said something along the lines of: "he also has an ongoing medical condition, called myocarditis, and he needed to get his heart checked out and receive his new prescription."

 

 **yoda** : y'all the dean clammed up SO FAST.

 

 **yoda** : she straight up sounded like courage the cowardly dog LMAOOO

 

 **kvngkris** : BUT THEN IT GETS BETTER

 

 **yoda** : SHE DEMANDED FOR HIS IDENTIFICATION

 

 **yoda** :  I COULDN'T KEEP IT TOGETHER-

 

 **kvngkris** : "i am dr. kim minseok md, attending of neurosurgery at mass gen, and i'm currently on holiday. if you'd like further confirmation of my identity, you can call richard webber at mass gen, he's the chief of surgery."

 

 **deer** : RICHARD WEBBER IS THE CHIEF OF SURGERY ON THE SHOW, THIS CLOWN 🤡

 

 **gringo** : ugh we stan minseok hyung 🤩

 

 **bear** : a skinny gay legend !

 

 **taozi** : what a king, whew chile

 

 **kvngkris** : but yeah he really saved my ass that day, the dean didn't even write me up

 

 **yoda** : that was so wild man, minseok really got you off the hook with the dean

 

 **donotdisturb** : as entertaining as all this was-

 

 **bear** : he says this, like he didn't fall off his chair, laughing, a whole two seconds ago.

 

 **donotdisturb** : i don't know what you're talking about

 

 **donotdisturb** : anyway. it seems we have veered off topic a bit.

 

 **deer** : oh yeah.

 

 **deer** : so going back to what i was saying earlier.

 

 **deer** : baek and dae can't be gone from the studio for more than a week.

 

 **yoda** : you're right. 

 

 **yoda** : they're only allowed to miss one week of lessons before they're written up.

 

 **deer** : we gotta do something.

 

 **deer** : ...

 

 **yoda** : you mean, i have to do something

 

 **deer** : precisely.

 

 **yoda** : minseok is YOUR best friend, bitch.

 

 **deer** : but jongdae is YOUR best friend AND baek is YOUR boyfriend.

 

 **deer** : that automatically makes you the better candidate.

 

 **yoda** : I THINK THE FUCK NOT.

 

 **kvngkris** : just say that both of you are scared to visit them and GO.

 

 **deer** : NO

 

 **yoda** : NO

 

 **bunmyeon** : WELL THEN ONE OF YOU GO

 

 **deer** : oh sehun, your sink broke? how tragic. okay i'm coming right over to fix it.

 

 **gringo** : i-

 

 **gringo** : what?

 

 **deer** : bye guys!

 

 **gringo** : i guess my sink is broken, later rats 🤪

 

 **yoda** : COME BACK HERE BITCH.

 

 **kvngkris** : reality kings 'bout to have a new plumber 🤩

 

 **bear** : LMAOOOOOOOO

 

 **bunmyeon** : gross 🤢

 

 **taozi** : that was disgusting yifan.

 

 **kvngkris** : i was speaking the truth

 

 **kvngkris** : sehun gonna get that good good

 

 **maryxing** : HAHAHAHA

 

 **bear** : BRUDHSJSB SOO JUST SPIT OUT HIS DRINK ON FACETIME

 

 **bear** : I CAN'T BREATHESKSKSK

 

 **donotdisturb** : WHY ARE YOU EXPOSING ME LIKE THAT NINI DAMN-

 

 **bunmyeon** : omg kyungsoo NO-

 

 **kvngkris** : DID HE ACTUALLY FIND THAT FUNNY

 

 **taozi** : the world MUST be ending

 

 **yoda** : LMFAOOOO NO THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING

 

 **kvngkris** : NEXT STOP COMEDY CENTRAL BITCH !

 

 **bear** : THE PHONE IS COVERED IN WATER OMF-

 

 **kvngkris** : DAMN THAT MUST BE SEHUN'S VIEW RIGHT NOW

 

 **maryxing** : ARE YOU GONNA LET ME BREATHE YET OR NAW ?!

 

 **taozi** : suddenly i don't know a kris

 

 **bear** : TAO'S ON HIS WAY TO CREATE A KRIS IS CANCELLED PARTY BITCHSJSK

 

 **taozi** : #krisiscancelledparty

 

 **kvngkris** : ALL I SAID WAS THE TRUTH.

 

 **kvngkris** : …

 

 **kvngkris** : you guys hear that ?

 

 **bear** : hear what ?

 

 **yoda** : i don't hear anything bro

 

 **kvngkris** : exactly

 

 **maryxing** : the silence from luhan-

 

 **taozi** : is astonishing.

 

 **kvngkris** : bro HE REALLY IS GONNA GET IT 

 

 **kvngkris** : THE FACT THAT HE HASN'T SCREAMED AT ME YET-

 

 **yoda** : ah shit i guess that little bastard really is gone.

 

 **bunmyeon** : that means you gotta go :/

 

 **yoda** : ughhhh.

 

 **yoda** : okay okay i'm going

 

 **yoda** : i'll be back with an update in an hour or so.

 

-

private chat with **borgi**

 

 **yoda** : i know you need your space for whatever it is that's going on with you, dae and minnie

 

 **yoda** : i'm just coming by to make sure you guys are not dead.

 

 **yoda** : i know you guys will tell me whatever it is whenever you're ready.

 

 **yoda** : if you see this baby, i love you so much okay.

 

-

 

_boochie gang_

 

 **yoda** : guys i have arrived at cbx's lair

 

 **gringo** : cbx ???

 

 **bear** : who is that ?

 

 **deer** : damn you actually went ?!

 

 **yoda** : yes, you pathetic rat.

 

 **deer** : ME ?!

 

 **kvngkris** : chicken little has risen from his plumbing duties

 

 **deer** : SHUT IT YIFAN

 

 **donotdisturb** : the way i snorted-

 

 **bear** : LMAO we love a comedian 🤩

 

 **gringo** : none of this answers our question.

 

 **taozi** : ah yes.

 

 **taozi** : when minseok and dae went to china with kris and luhan

 

 **taozi** : baekhyun visited them for a couple weeks during our break.

 

 **taozi** : they formed a little "trio"

 

 **taozi** : "chen - baek - xi" a.k.a "cbx"

 

 **deer** : it was adorable, don't make fun of them tao

 

 **gringo** : i feel like tao wants to fight "cbx"

 

 **bear** : i can feel the hostility from here omg

 

 **deer** : nah tao's just big mad

 

 **deer** : 'cause during the two weeks that baek came to visit, cbx were their own little exclusive unit

 

 **deer** : keep in mind that tao got close with minnie and dae first 

 

 **deer** : cuz kris kept making creepy advances on him.

 

 **kvngkris** : bitch I WAS creepy ?!

 

 **taozi** : babe you were hitting on me with your shitty sex anthem lyrics, it was creepy.

 

 **kvngkris** : i was tryna make moves okay 

 

 **kvngkris** : don't roast teenage me

 

 **deer** : teenage you was on crack. moving on.

 

 **deer** : kris became a weird ass loner in a new school 

 

 **deer** : since i felt bad for him, i stayed by his side the first few months.

 

 **kvngkris** : WEIRD LONER ?!?! WHO ?!

 

 **deer** : ANYWAYS. so while cbx were off being bffs

 

 **deer** : they left poor baby tao all alone to fend for himself 😔

 

 **deer** : which is fine because that's how we became friends and life long roommates !!!

 

 **taozi** : luhan was the reason i was able to fucking actually talk to kris like a normal person

 

 **taozi** : i owe that midget everything

 

 **deer** : HEY

 

 **taozi** : *kind of midget

 

 **kvngkris** : i guess we have to stan the kind of midget

 

 **bunmyeon** : damn your stan twitter boyfriend is rubbing off on you

 

 **kvngkris** : i guess he is 😔

 

 **kvngkris** : anyway that's also how the " _let's do it baby i know the law"_ groupchat was formed

 

 **taozi** : an iconic era.

 

 **kvngkris** : kind of midget here, almost sued the school once because-

 

 **bear** : HE WHAT

 

 **deer** : FIRST OF ALL, YOU WERE GONNA SUE THEM FIRST-

 

 **kvngkris** : WELL THEY WERE GONNA HOLD TAO BACK I WAS GONNA FIGHT ANYONE OKAY

 

 **gringo** : HOLD ON, TAO ALMOST GOT HELD BACK ?!

 

 **yoda** : there's so much we don't about you guys holy hell

 

 **kvngkris** : china was like vegas bro, we don't talk about it LMAO.

 

 **kvngkris** : so anyway we made the groupchat 

 

 **kvngkris:** since kind of midget and i were about to sue the school, we needed a plan-

 

 **deer** : OKAY WE GET IT.

 

 **deer** : YOU RATS ARE TWO FUCKING INCHES TALLER THAN ME-

 

 **kvngkris** : tao is two inches taller

 

 **kvngkris** : HOWEVER, i am FOUR inches taller than you-

 

 **gringo** : shut up stupid hoe thats MY kind of midget

 

 **kvngkris** : WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU CALLING  STUPID HOE ?!

 

 **gringo** : YOU, BITCH.

 

 **taozi** : anna ou-

 

 **gringo** : STOP clowning him >:(

 

 **gringo** : he's my mfing baby 🥺

 

 **deer** : awe sehunnie 💓 you're so cute

 

 **gringo** : no you

 

 **deer** : no you 

 

 **gringo** : no you >:(

 

 **deer** : fine i'm the cutest you big baby >:(

 

 **yoda** : gross

 

 **deer** : shut up, tall ass rat

 

 **yoda** : BITCH I CAME TO THEIR HOUSE BECAUSE YOU WERE TOO CHICKEN

 

 **yoda** : YOU SHUT UP

 

 **deer** : NO YOU

 

 **donotdisturb** : BOTH OF YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP.

 

 **donotdisturb** : now chanyeol i assume you have news.

 

 **yoda** : yes yes.

 

 **yoda** : as we all know, i'm an idiot-

 

 **bear** : wbk sis.

 

 **gringo** : no printer, juss faxs bro.

 

 **taozi** : tell me something i don't know.

 

 **yoda** : Y'ALL WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO FUCKING AGREE WITH ME-

 

 **yoda** : sigh.

 

 **yoda** : i got there and i realized i forgot my set of keys to their house

 

 **gringo** : did you also forget your license at the dmv too or…?

 

 **yoda** : SHUT UP.

 

 **gringo** : you made it way too easy :D

 

 **yoda** : anyway.

 

 **yoda** : ...so i had to find another way in 

 

 **yoda** : and in the process of doing that, i found their phones !!!

 

 **yoda** sent an image

 

 **bear** : wait wait wait.

 

 **bear** : w h a t   t h e f u c k

 

 **deer** : isn't that where dae and baek hide their extra house keys…

 

 **bunmyeon** : THEY HID THEIR PHONES UNDER ROCKS ?!

 

 **taozi** : no wonder they weren't answering us.

 

 **yoda** : i'd have to guess it's part of their unplugging to become hermits.

 

 **donotdisturb** : okay so that's one part of the mystery solved.

 

 **donotdisturb** : what else.

 

 **yoda** : oh right right.

 

 **yoda** : so i went inside and the house was quiet.

 

 **deer** : yeah i'm gonna go ahead and admit that's weird.

 

 **gringo** : i'm sorry but jongdae and baekhyuns house is NEVER quiet.

 

 **kvngkris** : you makin' this sound like some creepy ass paranormal typa shit.

 

 **yoda** : it lowkey scared the shit out of me.

 

 **yoda** : so i went upstairs, and walked into baeks room first. 

 

 **yoda** : and it was empty.

 

 **yoda** : but y'all know how dae and baek have that walk in closet connected to each others rooms

 

 **kvngkris** : you mean the one that apparently baekhyun

 

 **kvngkris** : MULTIPLE TIMES

 

 **kvngkris** : has SEEN through it, to unfortunately, have witnessed minseok and jongdae going at it-

 

 **bunmyeon** : you act all offended but let's not talk about the day we were planning jaemins party 

 

 **bear** : oh that shit was NASTY 🤢

 

 **maryxing** : yeah, you guys were LOUD.

 

 **donotdisturb** : the unfortunate fate i had that day. 

 

 **donotdisturb** : i really had to witness that atrocity.

 

 **gringo** : like damn kris you were a whole second away from breaking the wall-

 

 **taozi** : LEAVE US OUT OF THIS-

 

 **kvngkris** : WE'RE TALKING ABOUT MINSEOK AND JONGDAE HERE OKAY-

 

 **bunmyeon** : YOU BROUGHT THEM UP, DUMBASS

 

 **bunmyeon** : THEY WERE COMPLETELY IRRELEVANT TO THE FUCKING CONVERSATION.

 

 **bunmyeon** : YEOL WAS SIMPLY SAYING DAE AND BAEK HAD A FUCKING WALK IN CLOSET.

 

 **yoda** : THANK YOU MOM !

 

 **bunmyeon** : shut your stupid ass up chanyeol and finish the damn story before i rip your throat out.

 

 **yoda** : um-

 

 **yoda** : yes-

 

 **yoda** : okay-

 

 **yoda** : sorry.

 

 **donotdisturb** : i-

 

 **deer** : damn even kyungsoo is in shock

 

 **deer** : **@maryxing** get ahold of your man !

 

 **maryxing** : first i have to get ahold of myself-

 

 **maryxing** : DAMN JUN 🤤

 

 **kvngkris** : jun spoke yixing's boner into existence

 

 **deer** : I'M FUCKINGJDKSK WEAKKKK

 

 **bear** : this chat is a mess once again

 

 **taozi** : when is this chat not a mess tho.

 

 **gringo** : true.

 

 **gringo** : but if they never sort their shit out then we won't ever find out about our netflix privileges.

 

 **yoda** : why are y'all talking like we AIN'T HERE 🙄

 

 **bunmyeon** : ...

 

 **donotdisturb** : o-okay before jun pops another vein, yeol finish the story.

 

 **gringo** : did he just sutter-

 

 **donotdisturb** : DO YOU WANT YOUR NETFLIX BACK OR NOT

 

 **gringo** : right, sorry. continue, chanyeol hyung.

 

 **deer** : what-

 

 **yoda** : uh yes.

 

 **yoda** : anyway so i looked through the closet into daes room

 

 **yoda** : and-

 

 **yoda** sent an image

 

 **bear** : awe 💕💖💓

 

 **gringo** : cbx: we are babie

 

 **bunmyeon** : my crackhead children are so cute omg

 

 **donotdisturb** : u-uwu

 

 **taozi** : their cuteness makes up for their disappearance

 

 **deer** : damn.

 

 **deer** : I SHOULD'VE GONE DAMN IT.

 

 **kvngkris** : stupid ass plumber 🤩

 

 **deer** : SHUT UP WALL BREAKER

 

 **gringo** : LMAOOOOOO

 

 **bear** : i CAN'T brEATHE oMF-

 

 **kvngkris** : LISTEN YOU PUNY ASS-

 

 **donotdisturb** : SHUT THE FUCK UP.

 

 **donotdisturb** : ᶦ ʷᵃⁿⁿᵃ ʰᵉᵃʳ ᵗʰᵉ ʳᵉˢᵗ ᵒᶠ ᵗʰᵉ ˢᵗᵒʳʸ

 

 **gringo** : did he just speak in tiny font omg

 

 **bear** : kyungsoo: i'm babie too bitch !

 

 **donotdisturb** : nini >:(

 

 **bear** : face it kyunggie, you're not the scariest bitch anymore

 

 **bear** : junmyeon just stole your spot

 

 **bunmyeon** : excuse me-

 

 **donotdisturb** : i-

 

 **donotdisturb** : fine.

 

 **donotdisturb** : anyway. chanyeol finish the story please 🥺

 

 **yoda** : so anyway they were sleeping in daes bed and they looked so smol and cute 

 

 **yoda** : i didn't wanna wake them up 

 

 **yoda** : so i left them a note for them to read when they wake up.

 

 **yoda** : a reminder that minnie has to come into work tomorrow

 

 **yoda** : a reminder for jongdae and baekhyun that they have to come back to work next week.

 

 **yoda** : and that we all love them very much, and hope that they're okay.

 

 **yoda** : i left them some groceries in the fridge and i went back home.

 

 **bear** : awww

 

 **bear** : chanyeol is the biggest babie of them all

 

 **yoda** : I AM NOT

 

 **deer** : accept it, you are the softest giant.

 

 **gringo** : chanyeol: i'm a soft boi

 

 **kvngkris** : yeol just admit you're soft for the midgets

 

 **kvngkris** : you're not fooling anyone.

 

 **yoda** : i don't know what you're talking about.

 

 **gringo** : dude you nursed a rat back to health are you kidding me.

 

 **yoda** : YOUR POINT ?!

 

 **gringo** : A RAT. A FUCKING SEWER RAT.

 

 **gringo** : your reasoning: because the rat was cute

 

 **gringo** : you're soft. accept it.

 

 **yoda** : give me three to five business days to think about it

 

 **maryxing** : me @ kun everytime he asks me for a car

 

 **deer** : lemme guess, he still doesn't have a car

 

 **maryxing** : winner winner chicken dinner my dude !

 

 **yoda** : who let yixing play pubg jfc

 

 **bunmyeon** : blame the wretched maknaes with their evil demon xbox-

 

 **taozi** : "wretched maknaes"

 

 **taozi** : WE ARE ALSO YOUR SONS EXCUSE ME

 

 **gringo** : HOW COME YOU LOVE CBX MORE THAN US 😤

 

 **bear** : WHAT THEY SAID

 

 **bunmyeon** : because cbx are tiny and cute.

 

 **bunmyeon** : you guys are a bunch of giant roaches who steal yixings weed because y'all are broke as fuck.

 

 **maryxing** : damn i didn't say all that.

 

 **bear** : ooookay-

 

 **gringo** : you didn't have to expose us like that-

 

 **taozi** : I DON'T LIKE MEAN BITCH JUNMYEON

 

 **taozi** : KYUNGSOO TAKE YOUR ROLE BACK.

 

 **donotdisturb** : HELL NO.

 

 **bear** : kyungsoo has accepted that he is in fact: babie

 

 **donotdisturb** : sí :D

 

 **bunmyeon** : Y'ALL ARE JUST MAD

 

 **bunmyeon** : i speak facts ONLY.

 

 **maryxing** : HOES MAD 🤩💅🏼

 

 **kvngkris** : JUNMYEON STOP BULLYING MY BOYFRIEND YOU SHITHEAD

 

 **bunmyeon** : LISTEN ASSHAT I'LL ATTACK WHOEVER THE FUCK I WANT

 

 **yoda** : one day, perhaps

 

 **yoda** : yifan and jun won't fight like a pair of idiots.

 

-

 

_cbx_

 

 **borgi** : i really got out of bed and charged this thing just because minseok left

 

 **mateo** : so did i

 

 **mateo** : tragic, really.

 

 **borgi** : sigh.

 

 **borgi** : i miss minseok :(((

 

 **mateo** : me too :(((

 

 **king!seokkie** : guys, it's been three minutes since i left the house.

 

 **mateo** : so !?

 

 **mateo** : i still miss you ANYWAY

 

 **borgi** : WHAT DAE SAID 😤

 

 **mateo** : SEND TWEET, THAT'S ON PERIODT LUV X.

 

 **king!seokkie** : dear lord what have i done.

 

 **king!seokkie** : ...

 

 **borgi** : minnieeee

 

 **mateo** : minnieeeeeeeeee

 

 **borgi** : the bestest hyung EVER

 

 **mateo** : MY BABY SEOKKIEEEEEEE

 

 **borgi** : come back :(((

 

 **borgi** : please :((((

 

 **king!seokkie** : it's just for a couple hours guys, i have to sort things out with mr. kang.

 

 **mateo** : sighhhh

 

 **mateo** : hurry please :(

 

 **borgi** : we miss you :(((

 

 **king!seokkie** : i'll be back soon.

 

 **king!seokkie** : love you dae

 

 **mateo** : love you too minnie

 

 **king!seokkie** : baek, get some more sleep okay.

 

 **borgi** : okie

 

 **king!seokkie** : also try and squeeze in a shower if you can, it'll help you relax

 

 **borgi** : okie okie

 

 **king!seokkie** : love you mijito !!!

 

 **borgi** : love you too hyungie 💖

 

 **king!seokkie** : okay bye guys 💓

 

 **borgi** : bye !

 

 **mateo** : bye babe 💞

 

 **borgi** : sigh.

 

 **borgi** : dae hurry back up here please

 

 **borgi** : i'm cold :(((

 

 **mateo** : i'm omw up with popcorn and cuddles bub 💕

 

 **borgi** : 'kay

 

 **borgi** : love you lots daedae

 

 **mateo** : love you too baekkie

 

-

 

 _boochie_ _gang_

 

 **yoda** : am i dreaming or

 

 **deer** : THEY'RE ONLINE

 

 **taozi** : YES

 

 **gringo** : OUR NETFLIX

 

 **bear** : AND OUR HYUNGS

 

 **taozi** : ARE COMING BACK

 

 **bunmyeon** : MY SONS ARE ALIVE

 

 **maryxing** : my crackhead sons, i'm glad they're okay.

 

 **kvngkris** : y'all are acting like chanyeol LITERALLY didn't visit them yesterday

 

 **kvngkris** : AND SENT PICTURES OF THEM SLEEPING.

 

 **kvngkris** : AND RESTOCKED THEIR ENTIRE FRIDGE

 

 **deer** : stop hating bitch

 

 **bunmyeon** : we're that jobless that we overreact to everything

 

 **donotdisturb** : and that's on that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhhh SMTOWN LIVE was lit AS FUCK. y'all see that un village stage remix with mark. wig. also 3/4 of f(x) performed today i SCREAMED. the rap stage with chanyeol x amber x hyoyeon x eunhyuk x mark x taeyong was lit as hell. imma need them studio versions asap. black hair jongdae nation RISE. also what do y'all think about this sm super group announcement ?


	14. short kings anthem

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lil less crack, more details

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i had my friend proof read this chapter, and the only thing she could notice from the chapter, was how this damn story showed that i live on twitter. very tragic.  
> anyway, my comedic genius is non existent in this chapter i think but none the lesss here you go.

private chat with **yoda**

 

 **borgi** : hi yeollie

 

 **yoda** : omg baby hi

 

 **yoda** : it's been almost a week, but are you okay ?

 

 **borgi** : yeth i am.

 

 **borgi** : i just needed some time to think 

 

 **borgi** : and um i dunno come to terms with this thingy…

 

 **borgi** : god i sound weird and stupid

 

 **borgi** : i'm sorry.

 

 **yoda** : don't be sorry, it's okay. 

 

 **yoda** : it's not weird or stupid.

 

 **yoda** : you don't have to tell me you know.

 

 **yoda** : i can wait, it's none of my business anyway !!!

 

 **yoda** : i just want you to be okay.

 

 **yoda** : and if you do wanna tell me, you can tell me whenever your ready i don't wanna pressure you.

 

 **yoda** : it's okay baekkie

 

 **borgi** : OSMDHSJSKSIDUEN YOU'RE SO NICE I CAN'T :(((

 

 **borgi** : i love you so much yeollie

 

 **yoda** : i love you too baek :D

 

 **borgi** : uwu :D :D :D

 

 **borgi** : but um

 

 **borgi** : i do want to tell you what happened

 

 **yoda** : okay

 

 **borgi** : like right now

 

 **yoda** : OH okay okay.

 

 **yoda** : i'm listening

 

 **borgi** : 'kay um

 

 **borgi** : remember like seven months ago, when we were watching b99 in your room

 

 **borgi** : and that one episode where jake and amy were dog sitting holt's corgi, cheddar.

 

 **borgi** : and you were like "i can't wait for us to get a place with a cheddar of our own"

 

 **borgi** : and i freaked out

 

 **borgi** : and i didn't talk to you for two weeks

 

 **yoda** : perhaps 0.o

 

 **borgi** : yeah so uh...

 

 **borgi** : let's get our own place with a cheddar of our own.

 

-

 

_boochie gang_

 

 **yoda** :

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

 

 **taozi** : bitch what ?!

 

 **kvngkris** : bro are you good...

 

 **kvngkris** : wait why are you screaming in your room too tf?!

 

 **maryxing** : is he quoting that song from thor ragnarok

 

 **deer** : "that song" he says

 

 **deer** : IMMIGRANT SONG BY LED ZEPPELIN GOES HARD BITCH

 

 **mateo** : FACTS

 

 **bunmyeon** : metalheads

 

 **deer** : LEAVE US AND OUR ROCK MUSIC ALONE JUN

 

 **bear** : …damn was it that serious ma

 

-

 

private chat with **yoda**

 

 **borgi** : chanyeol-

 

 **yoda** : brb

 

-

 

_shooters for kris_

 

 **yoda** : AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

 

 **gringo** : HYUNG ARE YOU OKAY-

 

 **donotdisturb** : what the hell…?

 

-

 

private chat with **yoda**

 

 **borgi** : do you remember how to breathe ?!

 

 **yoda** : hell no

 

-

 

_team ace_

 

 **yoda** : AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

 

 **mateo** : it has COME FULL CIRCLE

 

 **king!seokkie** : aw congratulations guys !!!

 

 **borgi** : he hasn't stopped screaming yet, help please

 

 **mateo** : give him a minute

 

 **mateo** : he's just.

 

 **mateo** : excited.

 

 **king!seokkie** : that's the understatement of the year

 

-

 

private chat with **yoda**

 

 **borgi** : yeol

 

 **yoda** : yes

 

 **borgi** : are you okay ?

 

 **yoda** : uhhh

 

 **yoda** : ye ye

 

 **borgi** : ...i take it that you want to move in together ?

 

 **yoda** : yes

 

 **yoda** : yes yes yes baby ofc

 

 **borgi** : yay !!!

 

 **yoda** : ohmygodimsofreakingexcited

 

 **borgi** : metoometooomg

 

 **yoda** : i-

 

 **yoda** : um.

 

 **yoda** : wait.

 

 **borgi** : yes

 

 **yoda** : so this is the thingy that made you disappear for a week ?

 

 **borgi** : yes

 

 **borgi** : i sorta needed to um accept it, that i'd finally said it outloud.

 

 **borgi** : and then i told dae and minnie first. 

 

 **borgi** : well i said i wanna move out

 

 **yoda** : uh huh uh huh

 

 **borgi** : but i was really scared when i told them

 

 **borgi** : at the time i was basically pre anxiety attack

 

 **borgi** : then dae and minnie didn't answer for like ten minutes and i freaked out

 

 **borgi** : i thought they got mad and i um started crying

 

 **borgi** : which turned into an anxiety attack

 

 **yoda** : oh baby no :(((

 

 **borgi** : but it's okay !!!

 

 **borgi** : in those ten minutes, dae and minnie just came back home

 

 **borgi** : they calmed me down and then they just talked it over with me face to face

 

 **yoda** : oh okay, good good

 

 **borgi** : and then i started to overthink bc we all have this arrangement for YEARS now and i was just

 

 **borgi** : lil stressed out. but

 

 **borgi** : we threw around some ideas and possibilities about how we can all move forward without changing too much.

 

 **borgi** : but um i'm more worried about you yeol

 

 **borgi** : if we get our own place, then what happens to the studio in your apartment that you built with kris ?

 

 **yoda** : oh i didn't think about that

 

 **yoda** : but it's-

 

 **borgi** : i know how much time you two spent planning it

 

 **yoda** : baby-

 

 **borgi** : and i remember how long it took you guys to build it

 

 **yoda** : baekkie-

 

 **borgi** : and how much money it cost you guys

 

 **yoda** : baek-

 

 **borgi** : and that's been your studio for three years now-

 

 **yoda** : emperor lord byun !

 

 **borgi** : yes

 

 **yoda** : like i was saying.

 

 **yoda** : it's okay. i can build a new studio

 

 **yoda** : it was getting cramped in there anyways.

 

 **yoda** : kris and i are giants

 

 **yoda** : that combined with our studio that deadass was an empty closet-

 

 **yoda** : i'm surprised that studio lasted that long.

 

 **borgi** : so.

 

 **borgi** : is okie ?

 

 **yoda** : yes, it is very much okay.

 

 **borgi** : really ?

 

 **yoda** : yes it is baek

 

 **borgi** : one second-

 

-

 

_boochie gang_

 

 **borgi** : AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

 

 **taozi** : the boy who LIVES

 

 **bear** : he has RETURNED

 

 **gringo** : why is chanbaek having a mental breakdown

 

 **mateo** : because it's a momentous occasion

 

 **gringo** : to the point that they have to scream in the chat.

 

 **kvngkris** : and in real life apparently

 

 **king!seokkie** : stop hating bitch at least they're being productive

 

 **gringo** : i-

 

 **deer** : we-

 

 **king!seokkie** : unlike you with my horny ass best friend making another attempt to resurrect your dick

 

 **gringo** : HE IS NOT

 

 **deer** : I AM NOT

 

 **king!seokkie** : I CAN HEAR YOUR SQUEAKY VOICE FROM HERE LUHAN

 

 **deer** : OH SO SINCE YOU'VE BEEN CELIBATE FOR A FUCKING WEEK

 

 **deer** : THAT GIVES YOU RIGHTS TO BE BITCHY ?!

 

 **king!seokkie** : yes yes it does.

 

 **bunmyeon** : THAT'S NOT EVEN CONSIDERED BEING CELIBATE-

 

-

 

private chat with **yoda**

 

 **yoda** : better ?

 

 **borgi** : yes

 

 **yoda** : fantastic

 

 **yoda** : soooooooooooo 

 

 **yoda** : how about i come over with my laptop and some pizza

 

 **yoda** : and we talk about this a bit more

 

 **yoda** : just talking ! and eating greasy stuff !

 

 **borgi** : um

 

 **yoda** : too soon ?

 

 **yoda** : i don't wanna rush you baby, i'm sorry

 

 **yoda** : we can talk about it another day !

 

 **borgi** : no it's fine yeollie

 

 **borgi** : just um...

 

 **borgi** : talking ?

 

 **yoda** : yeah yeah, just to toss around ideas for the future

 

 **yoda** : like um budgets and stuff related to our new place

 

 **yoda** : also what we're gonna do with everyone else's arrangement once we move out

 

 **borgi** : hmm

 

 **borgi** : okie okie

 

 **yoda** : great, i'll be over in thirty okay baby? 

 

 **borgi** : okie

 

 **yoda** : love you :)

 

 **borgi** : love you too yeollie :D

 

-

 

_cbx_

 

 **borgi** : so-

 

 **borgi** : wHy are you guys always right oMg

 

 **mateo** : because we are ultimate geniuses

 

 **mateo** : duh

 

 **king!seokkie** : also maybe because we've been friends for a bajillion years baek

 

 **borgi** : you have a point there seokkie

 

 **borgi** : but honestly

 

 **borgi** : he was totally okay with it i'm so HSKSKSKM

 

 **mateo** : awe bub :)

 

 **mateo** : i'm glad it worked out.

 

 **mateo** : besides we all know the giant would've said yes anyway

 

 **king!seokkie** : very true

 

 **king!seokkie** : you know he came over to my apartment once

 

 **king!seokkie** : and all he could talk about was how he can't wait for you guys to get a place

 

 **king!seokkie** : but he didn't want to rush you into anything so he'd wait as long as you needed.

 

 **mateo** : the tall rat is indeed soft.

 

 **king!seokkie** : he just sat on my couch and talked about you

 

 **mateo** : chanyeol said: it's soft hours

 

 **king!seokkie** : he went on baekhyun lockdown omg

 

 **borgi** : he's so sweet i-

 

 **borgi** : gUYS i think my heart is gonna explode-

 

 **mateo** : breathe baek

 

 **king!seokkie** : just keep breathing, just keep breathing

 

 **king!seokkie** : breathing, breathing, breathing

 

 **borgi** : i'M tRyiNg

 

 **borgi** : also... nemo ?!

 

 **king!seokkie** : a superior disney movie

 

 **mateo** : minnie got possessed by dory again 😔

 

 **mateo** : we were watching it earlier

 

 **mateo** : he wouldn't stop quoting the entire movie

 

 **borgi** : mine mine mine mine

 

 **mateo** : aw shit you too

 

 **borgi** : mine mine mine mine mine mine

 

 **mateo** : we lost baek to the seagulls

 

 **borgi** : miNe mIne Mine minE mInE MiNe mINe MinE

 

 **king!seokkie** : the crackhead jumped out

 

 **borgi** : your local crackhead is back bitches

 

 **mateo** : baekhyun: "it's baekhyun bitch !"

 

 **borgi** : skinny queen, britney spears whew!

 

 **borgi** : okay

 

 **borgi** : but um…

 

 **borgi** : you guys...

 

 **king!seokkie** : yes

 

 **mateo** : what's up

 

 **borgi** : chanyeol is coming over in half an hour with food to talk about getting an idea with what we're working with

 

 **borgi** : so whatever we decide involves you guys so i do want your input

 

 **borgi** : and um can you guys please come back home i'm still lowkey terrified

 

 **borgi** : like i know this is very real and very much happening

 

 **borgi** : but my brain is also very much in denial so um yeah

 

 **borgi** : ᶦ ʲᵘˢᵗ ᵘᵐ ᵐᶦˢˢ ʸᵒᵘ ᵍᵘʸˢ ᵃⁿᵈ ᵇᵃˢᶦᶜᵃˡˡʸ ᶦ'ᵐ ˢᵗᶦˡˡ ᵃ ᵇᶦᵗ ˢᶜᵃʳᵉᵈ

 

 **borgi** : ᵖˡᵉᵃˢᵉ ᶜᵒᵐᵉ ʰᵒᵐᵉ

 

-

 

private chat with **yoda**

 

 **mateo** : your man is still a ball of anxiety so me and seok are coming over to be moral support.

 

 **yoda** : cool cool cool

 

 **yoda** : i'll see you guys there and i'll grab seoks fav otw

 

 **mateo** : thanks man, you're the best

 

 **mateo** : smell ya later, yoshi boi

 

 **yoda** : right back at ya, dare bear

 

 **mateo** : you know it 🤪

 

**-**

 

_cbx_

 

 **mateo** : i just had to make sure we had gas in the car, 

 

 **mateo** : yeah we'll be right over

 

 **king!seokkie** : see you soon baekkie!

 

 **borgi** : thank you guys !!! love you !!!

 

 **mateo** : love you too bub !!!

 

 **king!seokkie** : love you lots baek

 

-

 

_boochie gang_

 

 **borgi** : i have an announcement to make

 

 **gringo** : okay ?

 

 **bear** : i'm scared to ask what it is

 

 **bunmyeon** : what is your announcement baek

 

 **borgi** : [ahem]

 

 **borgi** : i am the happiest man alive

 

 **borgi** : the end.

 

 **kvngkris** : that's it ?!

 

 **bunmyeon** : what happened during that week omg

 

 **taozi** : god spoke to him

 

 **maryxing** : so hayley kiyoko talked to baek ?!

 

 **maryxing** : damn that's crazy dawg

 

 **deer** : who the hell said hayley kiyoko was god

 

 **gringo** : lit rally everyone babe, we stan lesbian jesus

 

 **deer** : make up your mind damn it

 

 **deer** : is she jesus or god

 

 **deer** : she can't be both.

 

 **bear** : who says she can't be both

 

 **deer** : I DO.

 

 **bear** : how unfortunate. she's jesus AND god.

 

 **deer** : I DEADASS JUST SAID SHE CAN'T BE BOTH

 

 **bear** : WHO SAYS YOU CAN MAKE THE DAMN RULES

 

 **deer** : GOD, OBVIOUSLY, SINCE YOU CLEARLY HAVE NO BRAINCELLS LEFT

 

 **bear** : HAYLEY KIYOKO WOULD NOT BETRAY THE GAYS LIKE THIS AND LET A TYRANT MIDGET MAKE THE RULES

 

 **bunmyeon** : i am not mediating this shit i swear on my left fucking toe-

 

 **deer** : BITCH I AM GAY WHAT THE FUCK-

 

 **deer** : AND WHO ARE YOU CALLING MIDGET, DICKWEED

 

 **bear** : YOU, BITCH-

 

 **taozi** : sehun rn: [sips tea]

 

 **gringo** : the weave is BOILING sis 🤩

 

 **bunmyeon** : kyungsoo WAKE UP AND COLLECT YOUR MAN

 

 **donotdisturb** : what man, i've officially disowned that rat who's attacking short people lives

 

 **deer** : AND I OOP-

 

 **bear** : WAYMENT BABE-

 

 **deer** : YOU HEAR THAT CLOWN MUSIC JONGIN

 

 **bear** : YEAH I DO BITCH

 

 **bear** : CLOWNS 'R' US IS COMING TO COLLECT IT'S RESIDENT MIDGET CLOWN

 

 **bear** : RA TA TA TA TA TA TA TA

 

 **bear** : CIRCUS-

 

 **deer** : LISTEN YOU UNCULTURED SWINE

 

 **deer** : LEAVE MADAGASCAR 3 OUTTA THIS

 

 **bunmyeon** : KYUNGSOO WAKE THE FUCK UP

 

 **donotdisturb** : i'm not sleeping. 

 

 **donotdisturb** : i'm dead. 

 

 **donotdisturb** : leave some flowers and get the fuck out.

 

 **kvngkris** : I'M DECEASED

 

 **gringo** : I CAN'T BREATHE SJSKSKSKS

 

 **taozi** : damn jun and soo are polar opposites to baek and dae i can't-

 

 **maryxing** : you say that now but wait till you let them play a round of mario kart, forget it.

 

 **maryxing** : they're worse than jun and soo

 

 **gringo** : okay but that's really funny

 

 **gringo** : they start calling each other rat, poor, fat, and ugly

 

 **taozi** : so baek and dae are just korean versions of larray and issa

 

 **gringo** : basically, yes.

 

 **maryxing** : those two are so chaotic with mario kart

 

 **maryxing** : minseok and i have officially BANNED it from our apartment

 

 **maryxing** : "MAN WHAT THE ACTUAL FLYING FUCK WHY DOESN'T MY CAR ACCELERATE THAT FAST-"

 

 **maryxing** : "IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE POOR SWEATY, CHECK YO SELF BEFORE YOU WRECK YO SELF"

 

 **gringo** : THAT HAD ME PISSINGIDJIS

 

 **taozi** : sigh now i realize how dead the chat is

 

 **taozi** : i should create a summoning circle for baek and dae to return

 

 **bear** :           🕯

             🕯 baek 🕯

         🕯      and 🕯

             🕯  dae 🕯

                    🕯

 

 **borgi** : we were summoned

 

 **mateo** : we have arrived bitch

 

 **taozi** : i can't believe that worked

 

 **bear** : omg hyungs hi !!! 

 

 **mateo** : hi

 

 **borgi** : hai

 

 **gringo** : what are you guys doing right now ?

 

 **borgi** : discussing very important stuffs

 

 **mateo** : very very very very very important stuffs

 

 **borgi** : also cuddling

 

 **mateo** : and eating pizza

 

 **borgi** : and being babie

 

 **mateo** : si señor, nosotros somos babie

 

 **borgi** : but mostly just cuddling

 

 **mateo** : lots emphasis on the cuddling

 

 **borgi** : very important

 

 **mateo** : so bye !

 

 **taozi** : wait-

 

 **bear** : we-

 

 **gringo** : i-

 

 **taozi** : damn.

 

 **bear** : this is so tragic

 

 **gringo** : we're never getting our netflix back 😔

 

 **bunmyeon** : how unfortunate

 

 **kvngkris** : damn jun, you got no sympathy for the children

 

 **maryxing** : no he does not.

 

 **bunmyeon** : absolutely fucking not.

 

 **gringo** : [gasps]

 

 **taozi** : like if you know how i feel

 

 **bear** : why would you say that

 

 **bear** : like you put me in such an uncomfortable situation-

 

 **bunmyeon** : cool it kim kardashian.

 

 **bunmyeon** : focus on getting your man back 🤡

 

 **deer** : BITCJHSJDKFK

 

 **kvngkris** : damn i totally forgot 

 

 **kvngkris** : kyungsoo just disowned him

 

 **bear** : i-

 

 **taozi** : see this right here

 

 **taozi** : this is why you respect tiny lives

 

 **gringo** : we stan the smol community

 

 **kvngkris** : who said dat ?

 

 **donotdisturb** blocked **kvngkris**

 

 **kvngkris** : BITCH WHAT ?!

 

 **bunmyeon** : LMAOOOO

 

 **taozi** : oh he MAD mad

 

 **bear** : aw shit.

 

 **bear** : crap crap crap.

 

 **maryxing** : that's a lot of poop, jongin

 

 **bear** : hyunggg >:(((

 

 **maryxing** : yes :D

 

 **bear** : i fucked up didn't i-

 

 **maryxing** : yes you did, my broke crackhead son 😔

 

 **gringo** : the clock is ticking nini :))))

 

 **bear** : ...

 

 **bear** : tape and glue.

 

 **taozi** : huh ?!

 

-

 

 **bunmyeon** : WHO THE FUCK

 

 **bunmyeon** : IS BLASTING SHORT KINGS ANTHEM 

 

 **bunmyeon** : IN MY FUCKING APARTMENT.

 

 **kvngkris** : OH SHIT

 

 **deer** : THIS IS PEAK HEADASSERY

 

 **gringo** : JONGIN NO-

 

 **bear** : jongin yes 🤩

 

 **taozi** : WE DONE FUCKED UP THIS TIME

 

 **taozi** : WHY DID WE LET HIM HAVE A TWITTER ACCOUNT-

 

 **bear** : he's five foot sumn and he's royalty

 

 **bear** : short king daddy ayyy

 

 **deer** : I CAN'T BELIEVE-

 

 **kvngkris** : [cue bed squeaking]

 

 **bear** : he's five foot sumn and he's royaltyyyyyyyyy

 

 **bear** : short king daddy ayyy 🤪

 

 **gringo** : that's it, i'm taking your phone away 😤

 

 **gringo** : you're grounded mister.

 

 **taozi** : like he cares, he's about to get dicked down

 

 **bunmyeon** : for personal reasons, i'll be in yixing and minseok's apartment until further notice.

 

 **maryxing** : wait what-

 

 **gringo** : and they were roommates

 

 **taozi** : oh my god they were roommates

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the super group guys. imma be honest. ion like the idea of it. redebuting this idols is absolutely stupid. baekhyun enlists next year, soon taemin and jongin have to enlist too. the thinking behind it was pretty damn stupid if you ask me. sm could've tried actually managing their ALREADY existing groups but no. anyway we can shit on sm, but not the idols bc its not like they had a choice in this. theyre putting alot of effort into debuting and making the best of it. so we should too i think. fuck sm but uhhh support the seven boys who worked extremely hard on this. just sit back and enjoy the music and crackhead content theyre gonna give us.


	15. down 4 u

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> baek tries to break the news to the boochie gang group chat, but chaos ensues

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is kinda long ah ha ha...  
> and it's also been sitting on my phone for almost a month omg imsosorrylmaoooooo  
> but work is kinda kicking my ass...

_boochie gang_

 

 **borgi** : guys guys 

 

 **borgi** : so i uhhhh

 

 **borgi** : ummm

 

 **borgi** : i have to talk to all of you about something very important

 

 **gringo** : is this the "important stuffs" you and jongdae hyung ditched the gc for last time 😔

 

 **bear** : that was very mean :(

 

 **taozi** : we were abandoned :(((

 

 **borgi** : sehun, yes, it is.

 

 **borgi** : jongin and tao, no-

 

 **mateo** : y'all are just mad because you still have no netflix

 

 **bear** : eye-

 

 **taozi** : who said that ?!?!

 

 **king!seokkie** : damn he exposed you two so fast

 

 **mateo** : anyway. let my soulmate finish his announcement

 

 **borgi** : thank you dae :D

 

 **borgi** : like i was saying

 

 **borgi** : so i've given this a lot of thought.

 

 **borgi** : fuck wait wait wait

 

 **borgi** : i'm scared again

 

 **yoda** : baby you got this !!!

 

 **mateo** : baek BREATHE

 

 **mateo** : eye on the prize: a cheddar

 

 **bunmyeon** : a what ?!

 

 **kvngkris** : ...is he a rat or sumn, i'm confused

 

 **mateo** : STFU

 

 **yoda** : listen you big bitch-

 

 **kvngkris** : THAT'S RICH COMING FROM YOU-

 

 **mateo** : chanyeol, sweetie, shut up.

 

 **yoda** : yesssir

 

 **mateo** : kris do me the favor in SHUTTING THE HELL UP

 

 **kvngkris** : who-

 

 **mateo** : were you SAYING something yifan ?!

 

 **taozi** : oh shit-

 

 **kvngkris** : n-no.

 

 **mateo** : good.

 

 **king!seokkie** : not gonna lie…

 

 **king!seokkie** : that was kinda hot-

 

 **mateo** : enserio? 

 

 **yoda** : dae-

 

 **mateo** : ya pues viejito, apurate, quiero que me pises ahorita 🤤

 

 **maryxing** : why the FUCK did minseok just pass out in the living room

 

 **deer** : perhaps because jongdae just told minseok, in spanish

 

 **deer** : that he wants him to dick him down, right now

 

 **gringo** : not that he understood any of that

 

 **gringo** : as we all know, minseok is a hoe for dae's spanish

 

 **deer** : oh but I'M THE HOE here.

 

 **deer** : right, that makes SO much fucking sense.

 

 **deer** : hypocritical bitch.

 

 **gringo** : babe you-

 

 **deer** : sehun, don't.

 

 **gringo** : ah ha ha m'kay 🤡

 

 **bear** : tea !

 

 **borgi** : anygays.

 

 **borgi** : i need minseok here so i can finish my uhm

 

 **borgi** : announcement.

 

 **maryxing** : well news flash

 

 **maryxing** : he ain't waking up

 

 **borgi** : DAE >:(

 

 **mateo** : sighhh i'm sorry bub :(

 

 **mateo** : i'll go over there right now and wake him up

 

 **yoda** : "wake him up."

 

 **borgi** : dank you :)

 

 **borgi** : guys until minnie is back, we're on a commercial break

 

 **bunmyeon** : i wasn't aware that this gc was cable tv-

 

 **donotdisturb** : it might as well be cable tv

 

 **donotdisturb** : this shit is fucking hilarious

 

-

 

private chat with **mateo**

 

 **yoda** : you better not fuck off and get some dick when you go over to seoks apartment

 

 **mateo** : that is preposterous !

 

 **mateo** : i would NEVER

 

 **yoda** : ain't forget that day seok came upstairs to wake us up

 

 **yoda:** and somehow y'all had the bright fucking idea

 

 **yoda** : to start making out RIGHT NEXT TO ME AND BAEK.

 

 **yoda** : TO THEN PROCEED TO FUCK HIM IN YOUR ROOM NEXT DOOR, WITH THE DOOR OPEN

 

 **mateo** : i-

 

 **mateo** : those were DIFFERENT circumstances

 

 **mateo** : i am definitely NOT on my way to go suck some dick right now

 

 **yoda** : -.-

 

 **mateo** : okay i was gonna but-

 

 **mateo** : my dedication to my soulmate and my best friend is more important.

 

 **mateo** : happy ?

 

 **yoda** : yes

 

 **mateo** : good.

 

 **mateo** : now if you'll excuse me, i gotta go resurrect my boyfriend

 

 **yoda** : just fucking go, you clown.

 

 **yoda** : AND DON'T WET DREAM AND DRIVE, DUMBASS

 

 **mateo** : I WOULD NEVER 🤩

 

-

 

_boochie gang_

 

 **yoda** : jongdae is an idiot

 

 **bear** : that's old news yeol

 

 **gringo** : you're stating this about your best friend

 

 **gringo** : for the millionth time

 

 **taozi** : that's cuz yeol and dae are two idiots in a pod :D

 

 **yoda** : i can't even argue with you brats

 

 **yoda** : because it's true

 

 **kvngkris** : one time, yeol had jongdae climb him like a mountain

 

 **kvngkris** : so that jongdae could reach the top shelf in his parent's massive library

 

 **gringo** : he what-

 

 **bear** : now this...

 

 **bear** : this is something else.

 

 **kvngkris** : JONGDAE DEADASS SAT ON CHANYEOL'S SHOULDERS LIKE A CHILD

 

 **maryxing** : sounds like chanyeol was taking his tiny son to the county fair 😔

 

 **taozi** : YIXINGBSISKSK-

 

 **yoda** : xing-

 

 **maryxing** : to be FAIR, kris started it !!!

 

 **kvngkris** : i was only saying the truth, and nothing but the truth

 

 **yoda** : you wanna die today yifan

 

 **kvngkris** : challenge accepted :)

 

 **kvngkris** : AND SO, your local idiots were like the leaning tower of pisa trying to get a fucking BOOK.

 

 **bear** : wait why the fuck did they want a book-

 

 **bear** : THE INTERNET EXISTS

 

 **kvngkris** : idk, they're the idiots in this scenario.

 

 **yoda** : where the FUCK is my baseball bat so i can beat your ass in

 

 **kvngkris** : ANYWAY, picking up where i left off...

 

 **kvngkris** : SO JONGDAE, YANKS THE DAMN BOOK OFF THE SHELF

 

 **kvngkris** : THAT MADE CHANYEOL LOSE HIS BALANCE AND TRIP OVER A STEP

 

 **kvngkris** : AND THEY BOTH FELL

 

 **yoda** : THAT'S IT YOU UGLY ASS BITCH-

 

 **kvngkris** : AND JONGDAE ELBOWED HIM RIGHT IN THE NUTS AS HE CRASHED INTO CHANYEOL

 

 **gringo** : OH SHIT

 

 **donotdisturb** : i actually flinched while reading that

 

 **bear** : i can confirm that this is true

 

 **taozi** : rip chanyeol's children

 

 **maryxing** : SuperM be gone

 

 **bear** : why is the "u" underlined

 

 **maryxing** : because it's silent

 

 **gringo** : EYE-

 

 **kvngkris** : I'M FUCKING GEEKED LMAOOOO

 

 **yoda** : kris bouta catch these-

 

 **kvngkris** : nuts 🤩

 

 **bear** : WHEN DID KRIS HYUNG BECOME SUCH A CLOWN

 

 **taozi** : his cool rapper image is a lie

 

 **maryxing** : ain't that the truth

 

 **kvngkris** : ANYWAY

 

 **kvngkris** : i'm pretty sure he lost a ball that day.

 

 **yoda** : bitch-

 

 **kvngkris** : don't to try and deny it yeol

 

 **yoda** : okay, look, you annoying ass rat-

 

 **kvngkris** : it's okay to have just a ball

 

 **bear** : okay but how do you know that he ACTUALLY only has ONE

 

 **gringo** : yeah bro, how would you KNOW

 

 **bear** : did you like see him with only a ball

 

 **gringo** : cuz that'd be pretty gay

 

 **bunmyeon** : are you two for REAL, HE'S DATING TAO, THAT'S KIND OF GAY DON'T YOU THINK

 

 **bear** : listen jun, wbk that me and sehun share half a brain cell, leave us alone

 

 **gringo** : yeah hyung, we share 0.25 of a brain cell-

 

 **bunmyeon** : you two clowns continue to prove that you have NO brain cells period.

 

 **bear** : OKAY WE HAVE ESTABLISHED THAT WE HAVE NO BRAIN CELLS

 

 **yoda** : obviously

 

 **bear** : shut it, monoball.

 

 **yoda** : EXCUSE ME-

 

 **gringo** : jongin oh my fucking gOd OMDHSSJ

 

 **taozi** : THAT SHIT TOOK ME OUT ASFKSKDJS

 

 **bear** : I SAID WHAT I SAID.

 

 **bear** : BUT.

 

 **bear** : WE HAVE YET TO DETERMINE IF YIFAN IS LYING

 

 **kvngkris** : first off, NO i did not see my bro's ball, i ain't that homo

 

 **taozi** : omg yifan please stfu-

 

 **kvngkris** : plus i was THERE when dae's elbow k.o.'ed his nuts

 

 **kvngkris** : trust me, he lost a ball.

 

 **borgi** : really ?

 

 **kvngkris** : yes, i can guarantee it, 100%

 

 **borgi** : but i've seen him naked. 

 

 **kvngkris** : your point ?

 

 **bunmyeon** : the dumb bitch of year award goes to yifan

 

 **borgi** : he has two mangerines, kris, two couch potatoes

 

 **yoda** : he's lied. he's a liar.

 

 **yoda** : YA HEARD.

 

 **donotdisturb** : this right here

 

 **donotdisturb** : this is when i clock the fuck out

 

 **kvngkris** left _boochie gang_

 

 **gringo** : I CANNOT BREATHE OZNZJSJSK

 

 **bear** : LMFAOOOOOOOOO

 

 **yoda** : [cue bass boosted clown music]

 

 **bear** : yo baekhyun ain't playin GAMES TODAY

 

 **bear** : his filter is GONE

 

 **gringo** : like you're one to tALK

 

 **maryxing** : yeah, let's not forget the iconic "monoball"

 

 **yoda** : nini, you're hella lucky soo's your boyfriend

 

 **yoda** : otherwise i would've gone over there right fucking now

 

 **yoda** : and dropped kicked your ass back to korea

 

 **bear** : [gasp]

 

 **bear** : i am but a mere innocent child 🥺

 

 **gringo** : that is the biggest load of shit i've ever heard-

 

 **donotdisturb** : jongin let's remember WHY you still can't leave your bed.

 

 **bear** : i-

 

 **gringo** : DAMN KYUNGSOO EXPOSED YOU JSJSKSKS

 

 **bear** : he-

 

 **gringo** : jongin sHUT uP, i can't breathe-

 

 **borgi** : there's no coming back from that HSJSJSJ

 

 **yoda** : tHIS is the plot twist of the CENTURY

 

 **deer** : WHAT THE HELL DID Y'ALL SAY, 

 

 **deer** : THAT'S GOT TAO LAUGHING SO HARD HE'S FUCKING RED

 

 **deer** : HE'S DEADASS IS ROLLING ON THE GROUND IN TEARS

 

 **gringo** : b-babe, scroll up

 

 **borgi** : tao probably laughing like he got tuberculosis or sumn

 

 **gringo** : HISJDJD baek gimme my lungs back PLEASE

 

 **borgi** : never 🤠

 

 **deer** : …

 

 **deer** : in conclusion

 

 **deer** : we stan do kyungsoo.

 

 **donotdisturb** : mhm

 

 **deer** : we stan byun baekhyun.

 

 **mateo** : AS YOU SHOULD, BITCHES

 

 **mateo** : my soulmate: iconic, smart, talented, beautiful, a crackhead, and most important of all

 

 **mateo** : a short skinny gay king 🤩

 

 **borgi** : YUH

 

 **borgi** : I'M 5 FOOT SUMN AND I'M ROYALTY BITCHES 🤪

 

 **yoda** : i present to you, emperor byun

 

 **bunmyeon** : **@king!seokkie** control your children

 

 **maryxing** : wait how can jongdae be his boyfriend AND his child

 

 **king!seokkie** : i just woke up and i am WAY too exhausted to answer that

 

 **bear** : ah minseok hyung !!!

 

 **taozi** : welcome back !

 

 **gringo** : how was your nap

 

 **king!seokkie** : i had a weird dream, it was like this vr movie

 

 **king!seokkie** : 12/10 i definitely had my wig snatched

 

 **gringo** : oooh what movie was it !?

 

 **bear** : is it on netflix ?!

 

 **taozi** : can we watch it

 

 **yoda** : what did you ding dongs not understand when he said "weird dream"

 

 **king!seokkie** : it was very rated r.

 

 **king!seokkie** : the children cannot watch

 

 **mateo** : i can't wait to see this rated r content tonight 🤤

 

 **king!seokkie** : in conclusion 

 

 **king!seokkie** : it's too much for you youngsters to handle 😔

 

 **gringo** : we-

 

 **bear** : gross.

 

 **taozi** : this ain't it chief.

 

 **donotdisturb** : minseok do i HAVE to remind you about when the two of you decided to FUCK-

 

 **king!seokkie** : AH HA HA HA NO-

 

 **donotdisturb** : WHILE EVERYONE ELSE WAS IN THE HOUSE, WAITING FOR YOU TWO TO COME DOWNSTAIRS FOR BREAKFAST ?!

 

 **king!seokkie** : n-n-n-n-nooo  n-n-n-n-n-n-nooo

 

 **king!seokkie** : n-n-n-n-nooo  n-n-n-n-n-n-nooo

 

 **taozi** : did minseok hyung just get possessed by p!nk-

 

 **king!seokkie** : noo nooo nahh nooouh nahh nooouhhh

 

 **king!seokkie** : nooo nooo nooooooooooooo

 

 **donotdisturb** : that's what i thought.

 

 **donotdisturb** : rated r, my ass.

 

 **deer** : i was waiting for kris to talk about him needing bleach for his ears

 

 **maryxing** : where did he go

 

 **bunmyeon** : did you forget he left the gc OUT OF EMBARRASSMENT

 

 **gringo** : ONDHDHD WHEN BAEK EXPOSED THE SHIT OUTTA HIS LIE-

 

 **bear** : someone add him back in

 

 **borgi** : this is a roach free zone

 

 **borgi** : short antis are NOT allowed

 

 **mateo** : tall disrespectful rats are NOT permitted

 

 **taozi** : hyungs just add him back in the chat PLEASE

 

 **borgi** : …

 

 **mateo** : …

 

 **taozi** : we all know he just likes to be ANNOYING

 

 **taozi** : please :(

 

 **borgi** : ...how could i ever say NO to my baby :(

 

 **mateo** : tao the tol soft babie panda, we stan a respectful skinny king !

 

 **borgi** added **kvngkris** to _boochie gang_

 

 **mateo** : take note from your boyfriend, bitchass rat.

 

 **bear** : bro-

 

 **gringo** : did y'all see that-

 

 **bear** : tao just BENT THEM to his will-

 

 **taozi** : idk what you're talking about

 

 **bunmyeon** : have you two not seen them and the way they baby tao ?!

 

 **bear** : no-

 

 **gringo** : THIS IS A REGULAR THING ?!

 

 **king!seokkie** : i wasn't aware you two were fucking blind

 

 **bear** : if anyone is blind-

 

 **donotdisturb** : jongin you are in no condition to go to war with the elderly, stfu

 

 **king!seokkie** : who-

 

 **donotdisturb** : is there a problem?!

 

 **king!seokkie** : n-no

 

 **donotdisturb** : good. carry on.

 

 **king!seokkie** : anyway.

 

 **king!seokkie** : baekhyun and jongdae basically raised tao after our year in china

 

 **taozi** : LIES

 

 **king!seokkie** : they let tao move into their house because he was too scared to be alone

 

 **taozi** : i was a broke child-

 

 **king!seokkie** : they taught him korean when he moved here

 

 **taozi** : only a little bit-

 

 **yoda** : he's gonna deny all this but.

 

 **yoda** : they even made him breakfast every morning for taos last two years of high school

 

 **yoda** : and helped him apply to college.

 

 **taozi** : i did most of the work-

 

 **king!seokkie** : you're their son tao, shut up.

 

 **deer** : frrr, baekdae may not be together like that but-

 

 **deer** : somewhere along the way they "adopted" tao as their son 😔

 

 **taozi** : sounds fake-

 

 **deer** : they bring him boxes of ramen and pirated movies every friday

 

 **deer** : and the giant gets cuddles from them while they watch a movie-

 

 **donotdisturb** : tao, you're their honorary son, just admit it

 

 **taozi** : no-

 

 **deer** : sent an image

 

 **taozi** : YOU RAT-

 

 **bear** : ...is that tao

 

 **gringo** : laying across baekhyun and jongdaes LAPS-

 

 **bear** : WHILE BAEKHYUN IS PETTING HIS FUCKING HAIR-

 

 **gringo** : we've been betrayed-

 

 **borgi** : our tol son

 

 **mateo** : we love him 😔

 

 **kvngkris** : my mfing BABY looks so CUTE

 

 **kvngkris** : perhaps you two are good for something after all **@borgi @mateo**

 

 **borgi** : pERHAPS-

 

 **mateo** : LISTEN HERE-

 

 **taozi** : dads 🥺

 

 **borgi** : yeth :o

 

 **mateo** : si mijito ?

 

 **taozi** : can you guys and my dumb boyfriend stop fighting :( 

 

 **taozi** : please :(((

 

 **kvngkris** : dumb-

 

 **mateo** : but of course !!!

 

 **borgi** : anything for our tol respectful son

 

 **taozi** : dank you !!! \\(>.<)/

 

 **mateo** : your welcome bb !!!

 

 **borgi** : we love you !!! uwu

 

 **bear** : i-

 

 **gringo** : teach us your ways almighty tao

 

 **taozi** : ahem

 

 **bunmyeon** : oh this is gonna be interesting

 

 **donotdisturb** : is it really tho

 

 **deer** : oh it is.

 

 **taozi** : listen up, RATS.

 

 **gringo** : I AM LISTENING

 

 **bear** : MY EARS ARE ON

 

 **taozi** : m'kay

 

 **taozi** : the first step is to stop being a rat 🤡

 

 **gringo** : WHO-

 

 **bear** : THE BETRAYAL-

 

 **maryxing** : AHAHAHAHAHAHA

 

 **yoda** : LMFAOOOOOOO HE-

 

 **kvngkris** : i think i'm in love

 

 **taozi** : YOU THINK?

 

 **kvngkris** : no i know i'm in love with the prettiest savage baby

 

 **taozi** : that's what i thought.

 

 **mateo** : my son, i've taught you well :)

 

 **borgi** : things you did: that, my young padawan :D

 

 **taozi** : i learned from the best (:

 

 **donotdisturb** : so...

 

 **donotdisturb** : is the commercial break over or…

 

 **borgi** : well dae and minnie are back so

 

 **borgi** : yeah it's over

 

 **borgi** : i needa get this over with before yeol flies off the couch in excitement

 

 **yoda** : flying is a /bit/ of an exaggeration

 

 **borgi** : i mean whatever helps you sleep at night baby :)

 

 **kvngkris** : what the fuck is he so excited for

 

 **mateo** : my soulmates announcement

 

 **mateo** : duh, stupid bitch

 

 **kvngkris** : listen up ball murderer-

 

 **bunmyeon** : yifan, shut the fuck up

 

 **bunmyeon** : that's already been debunked

 

 **kvngkris** : shut up jun, let me LIVE

 

 **mateo** : i wasn't aware ugly tall rats could be stupid as well

 

 **kvngkris** : i'm not done clowning you, nut buster-

 

 **maryxing** : how about "SuperM Exterminator"

 

 **yoda** : what-

 

 **kvngkris** : hmmm

 

 **kvngkris** : i like that one

 

 **deer** : you could've just said sperm exterminator, xing.

 

 **maryxing** : but this is funnier !

 

 **taozi** : okay wait what is with this SuperM business

 

 **yoda** : it's some k-idol group that's debuting in the states

 

 **maryxing** : honestly, the idea behind it is hella dumb

 

 **maryxing** : but their company sucks so there's not much that they can do about it

 

 **borgi** : wait aren't they under SM-

 

 **maryxing** : yeahhh

 

 **borgi** : the irony 🤡 the group's initials are also SM

 

 **mateo** : ah another group under shitty mess entertainment

 

 **mateo** : a true travesty

 

 **maryxing** : they really tried it lol

 

 **maryxing** : they took their most quote unquote "popular" idols among each of their boy groups and put them together for their concept

 

 **kvngkris** : why do you sound sober-

 

 **maryxing** : shut up i'm not

 

 **maryxing** : i'm just very educated in this matter

 

 **kvngkris** : righttt…

 

 **maryxing** : anyway. the point of this whole concept

 

 **maryxing** : to create "the ultimate superior k-idol boy group"

 

 **mateo** : sounds like a korean knock off of the avengers

 

 **yoda** : that's exactly what it is

 

 **yoda** : the groups trailer music is a knock off to the avengers soundtrack

 

 **maryxing** : this is easier to just look at by calling it an nct x exo x shinee collab…

 

 **king!seokkie** : ...i mean i GUESS...

 

 **borgi** : see but letting exo and bts collab

 

 **borgi** : NOW THAT'S a concept

 

 **mateo** : number three on baekhyun's unpopular kpop opinions video on youtube: an exotan collab >>>>>

 

 **borgi** : the antis HATE to see it

 

 **yoda** : let's be honest tho, that collab would SLAP

 

 **king!seokkie** : as much as i love this discourse…

 

 **king!seokkie** : baek sweetie, didn't you have something to say ?

 

 **borgi** : oh yes

 

 **borgi** : that.

 

 **borgi** : ah ha ha…

 

 **mateo** : baekkie :(((

 

 **yoda** : deep breaths baby

 

 **king!seokkie** : relax baek, you can do it !

 

 **borgi** : i'm trying okie

 

 **borgi** : gimme a sec

 

-

 

_team ace_

 

 **borgi** : guys i dunno about this

 

 **mateo** : baek we talked about this remember !!!

 

 **yoda** : they're not gonna be mad baby

 

 **king!seokkie** : they definitely won't be surprised either.

 

 **mateo** : it's gonna be fine baek

 

 **mateo** : me and seok are on our way up with food okay

 

 **yoda** : i'm coming with lots of cuddles, 'kay baek

 

 **borgi** : okie

 

 **king!seokkie** : so am i !!!

 

 **mateo** : hey don't forget about me bitches !!!

 

 **mateo** : i am the PRO cuddler here, periodttt.

 

 **borgi** : yay yay !!!

 

 **borgi** : after cuddles…

 

 **borgi** : then i'll tell them okie ?

 

 **mateo** : okay bub

 

 **yoda** : whenever you're ready hyunnie

 

 **king!seokkie** : we'll be here every step of the way

 

 **borgi** : thank you guys 🥺

 

 **mateo** : now open up bitch, the food is getting cOLD

 

-

 

_boochie gang_

 

 **kvngkris** : i'm confused what's going on

 

 **taozi** : baekhyun hyung is gonna drop his announcement

 

 **donotdisturb** : he just needs a moment to collect himself

 

 **kvngkris** : i don't get it, why is he freaking out over this tho

 

 **deer** : because clearly it's fucking important you dumbass.

 

 **deer** : his anxiety is probably through the roof right now

 

 **bunmyeon** : in other terms: shut your insensitive ass up yifan-

 

 **kvngkris** : my questions were VALID okay-

 

 **donotdisturb** : SHHHHH.

 

 **maryxing** : children, what did we learn today ?

 

 **gringo** : that kris is a mean rat

 

 **bear** : we definitely don't stan rude roaches

 

 **maryxing** : good ^.^

 

 **kvngkris** : HEY-

 

 **bunmyeon** : WHAT DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND OF SHUT THE FUCK UP

 

 **bunmyeon** : I'LL CHASE YOU WITH A BUTCHER KNIFE AGAIN KRIS, DON'T PLAY THESE GAMES

 

 **donotdisturb** : ^ we'll pull up real fuckin' quick

 

 **kvngkris** : no balls you won't-

 

 **bunmyeon** : SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LET MY SON SPEAK

 

 **bunmyeon** : baekhyun sweetie, go ahead

 

 **borgi** : kay.

 

 **borgi** : uhm

 

 **borgi** : so…

 

 **borgi** : chanyeol and i…

 

 **bear** : are pregnant-

 

 **gringo** : have hpv-

 

 **borgi** : wHAT nO-

 

 **kvngkris** : LMAOOOO

 

 **mateo** : this is why y'all don't have netflix

 

 **gringo** : tHiS IS A hATE cRiME AGAINST TALL PEOPLE

 

 **bear** : #tallpride

 

 **deer** : that block button is lookin' real fine right now 🤩

 

 **gringo** : bABE-

 

 **donotdisturb** : a starving today 🤡

 

 **gringo** : WAYMENT SOO-

 

 **bear** : babe hold up PAUSE-

 

 **bunmyeon** : tall gremlin children. SILENCE.

 

 **bunmyeon** : you were saying baek ?

 

 **borgi** : yeah

 

 **borgi** : uh

 

 **borgi** : so anyway chanyeolandiaremovingintogetherokaysorryforthetroublethatwerecausing

 

 **borgi** : that's it.

 

 **donotdisturb** : i'm so proud of you baek, congrats :)

 

 **bear** : yay !!!

 

 **gringo** : congratulations hyungie !!!

 

 **taozi** : go hyunnie !!! go hyunnie !!! \\(^o^)/

 

 **maryxing** : congrats baby !!! 

 

 **maryxing** : i'm so proud of you, my smol crackhead son

 

 **kvngkris** : aw this is so cool !!! 

 

 **kvngkris** : i'm mad happy for you two

 

 **bunmyeon** : awe i'm glad you're finally taking the next step, you guys i'mso- !!!

 

 **taozi** : omg is mean bitch jun finally gone ?!

 

 **bunmyeon** : he never left you tall punk ass bitch

 

 **deer** : anna ou-

 

 **mateo** : hey !! don't bully our son jun >:(

 

 **bunmyeon** : ...fine.

 

-

 

_team ace_

 

 **borgi** : ohmygodgjkcrukjrkhgx

 

 **borgi** : THEY'RE OKAY WITH IT ?!

 

 **yoda** : yeah of course they are baby

 

 **mateo** : i told you everything was gonna be okay baek

 

 **king!seokkie** : every little thing

 

 **king!seokkie** : is gonna be alrighttttt

 

 **yoda** : sing it seokkie !

 

 **borgi** : hmmm…

 

 **borgi** : i guesssss :)

 

 **mateo** : that's the spirit bub !!!

 

 **borgi** : can you guys hurry up with the popcorn ?

 

 **borgi** : i'm cold >:(

 

 **mateo** : the baby is demanding cuddles

 

 **yoda** : i suppose that's our cue to return

 

 **king!seokkie** : off we go !

 

-

 

_boochie gang_

 

 **kvngkris** : wait PAUSE…

 

 **kvngkris** : if yeol is moving out, i won't be able to afford rent ?!

 

 **kvngkris** : I'M A BROKE MUSICIAN-

 

 **borgi** : yeah about that…

 

 **yoda** : we still have to find a place yifan lmaoooo

 

 **yoda** : i probably won't be moving out until next summer

 

 **kvngkris** : oooh but i'm gonna still needa roommate or sumn

 

 **bear** : yuh but you have two semesters to find a new roommate i don't see the problem

 

 **gringo** : or a new place for that matter

 

 **kvngkris** : fuck no, i'm not losing my precious ratchet studio

 

 **deer** : who would wanna room with your annoying ass lmfao

 

 **kvngkris** : shut the fuck up han

 

 **mateo** : well…

 

 **king!seokkie** : well...

 

 **bunmyeon** : i have an idea where this is going, unfortunately...

 

 **king!seokkie** : since baek was gonna move out…

 

 **mateo** : the plan has always been the day that the lil bub moves out minnie moves into mi casa 🤩

 

 **king!seokkie** : so i wanted to ask...

 

 **king!seokkie** : xing, next year, you wanna room with yifan ?

 

 **king!seokkie** : you don't have to if you don't wanna, i can stay if you want

 

 **maryxing** : nah it's all good

 

 **maryxing** : i'm totally down to move in with kris

 

 **deer** : plus aren't they converting the studios into a new wing of the school ?

 

 **maryxing** : oh you righttt next year i won't even have a studio

 

 **kvngkris** : but that's fine bc if you move in with me then...

 

 **kvngkris** : you can use my studio

 

 **maryxing** : WOAHHH THAT'S GONNA BE LIT

 

 **kvngkris** : collab central bitchesss 😈

 

 **maryxing** : our apartment is gonna be the pothead lair omg

 

 **kvngkris** : FREE WEED-

 

 **kvngkris** : this is a great idea

 

 **bunmyeon** : i was afraid of this…

 

 **kvngkris** : aw don't be sad shawty

 

 **kvngkris** : the rooms are sound proofed so yixing can dick you down whenever 🤩

 

 **borgi** : that is very true

 

 **taozi** : no lies detected

 

 **bunmyeon** : i-

 

 **gringo** : LMAOOOOOOOO

 

 **maryxing** : oh now i'm REALLY DOWN

 

 **yoda** : KRIS YOU HAVE NO CHILL FJDJKDDK

 

 **mateo** : THE WAY I WHEEZED NOOO-

 

 **donotdisturb** : well i'm sold, more sleep for me

 

 **borgi** : i'm just glad this all worked out wheww

 

 **kvngkris** : see we're brilliant

 

 **king!seokkie** : hags >>>>>>>>

 

 **deer** : we are the superior age group 🤪

 

 **king!seokkie** : the '90 line outsold your faves

 

 **bear** : dear god…

 

 **gringo** : aw shit, here we go again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anyway happy birthday to jongdae !!! he is the bestest boy, i love him to bits, he deserves the world, a vocal legend who is dropping another album in a week, go off king !!! kjd2 / dear my dear outsold !


End file.
